Dear Dahlia (Shadow And Bone)

Chapter 21

It was afternoon when Saida finally got the chance to talk to Wadi. She hadn't seen her parents much since their initial reunions with her, and Zoya had caused an uproar earlier this morning when she'd literally thrown the sun summoner into a wall. Saida hadn't been there, but Nadia had told her about it.

"What if she continues like this?" the girl had asked whilst Saida looked through the letters.

"Kirigan won't let her," Saida replied. Nadia nodded, thought understandably she was shaken by the squaller's outburst.

"Right."

"Here." Saida plucked a letter out from the pile. "From Adrik."

Nadia lit up. She looked at the letter, then at Saida, and gave the heartrender a one-armed hug before walking off, humming a song that Saida had never heard before.

Now, Saida smiled at the memory before knocking on her mother's door.

Wadi opened it. She blinked in surprise. "Oh, Saida. Come in, come in."

Saida was ushered into the room. Wadi shut the door. She sat on the bed and brushed her hair whilst Saida stood in front of her.

"We need to talk."

Wadi paused. She looked at her daughter, and sighed softly. Without speaking, the inferni patted the spot beside her, and Saida sat down next to her.

"Is it about Dahlia?" Wadi asked.

Saida nodded. "What...what happened that day?"

Wadi's face twisted. It looked like she was in physical pain. Oh. Oh no. It was so much worse than Saida had expected, then.

"What..." Wadi regained her composure. "What do you think happened?"

Saida felt like she was eleven again. "I...put her to sleep for five minutes...?" She trailed off, hoping that it wasn't that bad.

Wadi sighed. "No, Saida, you didn't."

Saida held her breath in anticipation. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"You put her in a coma for five days."

Time stilled. Saida gripped the quilt. She could only hear her breathing.

"That's impossible," the heartrender started. Her heart was in her throat. "I-"

"You were untrained, Saida. There was no way you could've managed that properly."

Saida stared at the ground as Wadi continued to talk.

"We lay her on the bed. She was...sickly, obviously. It was hard that day. We'd lost you, and we were scared we'd lose Dahlia too. We got another heartrender to help keep her alive-"

Saida felt like she couldn't breathe. She thought about Dahlia's wariness whenever she'd put up her hands, her sister quickly letting go of her hand in the library. Of course, Saida thought. How could I-how could-how-

"It's alright, Saida," Wadi said softly. Saida looked up at her. When had she started crying?

"I thought I...that-" she took a deep breath. "Did you ever-did you hate me?"

The question spilled out her mouth before she could stop it. Wadi looked alarmed and leaned forward, cupping Saida's face in her hands.

"No. No, we never hated you." Wadi wiped her daughter's tears away with her thumbs. She looked into her eyes. "Never." Then, she hugged the heartrender and kissed her forehead.

At that moment, Saida remembered what had happened that day.

Saida walked off with the amplifier. Dahlia would be fine. It was only five minutes of unconsciousness, after all.

"What's your name?" the eleven-year-old asked.

"Czarina." The brown haired woman gave her a smile, then gestured for her to get on the carriage.

Saida stared at the horses in awe. Then, with Czarina's help, she stepped up into the vehicle. Czarina got in too, but she didn't ask the driver to start moving.

"Are you going to say goodbye?" Czarina asked. Saida stared at her for a few moments. Then, unable to handle her intense gaze, glanced away.

"I understand," the amplifier said softly. Then, she signalled to the driver to start driving off. The carriage rumbled as the horses began trotting over the cobblestones. Saida looked out the window. The lush green grass and trees swayed in the light breeze. The heartrender sighed quietly.

Saida let the tears fall. She whispered, "did Dahlia hate me?"

Wadi pursed her lips. Saida realised she had no good answer to that, and pulled away. She wiped away her tears.

"I...I need to go now." The heartrender got to her feet. "Thank you. For telling me the truth."

"Of course." Wadi paused. "You can visit your father and I at any time, Saida."

Saida gave her mother a smile, then stepped out into the corridor. She barely got a moment to compose herself when Dahlia ran up to her.

"We need to find Mal."

Saida blinked. "What?" she asked. Ugh, she sounded so weak. Thank the Saints Kirigan isn't here right now, she thought.

Dahlia frowned, as if seeing her face for the first time. "What's wrong?"

Saida chewed her lip. She held up her hands. Dahlia stepped back immediately.

Right.

Saida put her hands down.

"...What was that?" Dahlia asked.

"You hate me, don't you?"

"What? No, I-"

"You used to hate me."

Her sister's shoulders slumped, and she looked away. Saida pursed her lips.

"You're right. I used to." Dahlia looked at her. "But I don't now."

Saida waited for Dahlia to grab her hand like she did back when she was little. But she did not. The heartrender wasn't surprised after what she did, but still, she hoped. She kept Dahlia's gaze. Her sister's brows furrowed.

Saida shook her head. "What's...what's this Mal?" she managed to get out.

Dahlia explained the situation. Saida's eyes widened. "You know the sun sum-"

"Her name is Alina. And yes, I know her. Mal is her best friend. We need to find him. How fast can we get out of the palace?"

Saida's eyes widened. "Did you just say that, out here?"

Dahlia froze. Saida sighed. She lowered her voice further.

"Come to my room. I'll see what I can do."