Dear Dahlia (Shadow And Bone)

Chapter 5

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of pedophilia and grooming.

Saida stacked a box of letters onto the cart. Since she was suspended for the day (she couldn't believe it, how was she suspended at twenty-one?), she decided to make herself useful and help the otkazat'sya with handling letters. Even though the task was small compared to her training, she still liked handing letters to grisha and watching their faces light up.

"Any for me?" a voice called.

Saida looked up. It was Zoya. She stared at her for a few moments, a bit bewildered, then looked through the letters. "No, not today."

Zoya pouted. "Shame. You know," she started, "I wondered why you weren't a trainer yet. Now I know." Zoya grinned cockily at Saida, who glanced at her before going through the letters again.

"We haven't talked in a long time, Zoya." Saida turned to her.

"No, we haven't, have we?" Zoya responded.

Saida remembered when Zoya first came to the Little Palace. Saida had thought, naively, that after failing to get close to her, Kirigan wouldn't try with anyone else. In the first year, she hadn't noticed Zoya's increased presence around Kirigan. But when Saida had seen Kirigan and Zoya laughing together, dread built up in her, and she decided to try and talk Zoya out of it.

She'd begun to get through to her. Saida had caught Zoya after lunch, and she greeted her before casually asking about Kirigan.

"Oh, he's amazing! Don't you think his eyes are so dreamy?" Zoya gushed. Saida's eyes widened. 'He's drawn her in already', she thought. "Zoya, I need to tell you something."

"Uh, okay, why are you acting so weird?" Zoya asked with a slight laugh. "We're friends."

Saida told her what Kirigan was doing wasn't normal. At first, Zoya rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand. But as Saida went on, Zoya began to listen.

"He's not good, Zoya. He's not good for you."

"Really?" Zoya asked.

Saida nodded, and was about to speak again when a voice said, "Zoya. What are you two talking about?"

Saida fought her instinct to recoil when the General stood a bit too close to her.

"Oh, we're just chatting," Saida said. "Nothing important."

"Didn't look like chatting," Kirigan replied casually. "What was she saying, Zoya?" he asked.

Saida froze. Zoya laughed. "It's nothing, don't worry. Saida just has a crush on someone."

Saida squawked indignantly, "no I don't!"

"Oh yeah, suuuure," Zoya said. "I'll tell him."

Saida blushed. "No," she laughed. Kirigan smiled and moved to stand next to Zoya.

"You know, Zoya, I think we should go and find people your age. Not sure Saida's a good influence."

Saida immediately adjusted her stance. Kirigan's gaze snapped towards her. He narrowed his eyes on seeing the formation Saida's hands had moved into. He kept his voice calm, but his eyes showed he was furious.

"Getting a bit bold, aren't we?" Kirigan asked casually. He flicked his wrist, and a line of darkness forced Saida's hands apart before vanishing. "Don't talk to Zoya again. That's an order."

Saida's eyes widened. Kirigan walked off, Zoya in tow.

"Zoya!" Saida cried as the Squaller got farther away from her. "ZOYA!"

Now, Saida looked at the Squaller in front of her. "Not really, no."

"It's been years. How are you after..." Zoya gestured with her hand. Saida's parents had been revealed to be grisha and taken away, and Saida hadn't seen Dahlia since she'd looked back at her with anger in her eyes.

"Managing," Saida replied. It hurt to see Zoya, who she'd been shaped into as a result of Kirigan's influence. "What about you?" she asked.

"Good."

"Zoya," Saida started, but Zoya stepped back, probably remembering what Kirigan ordered Saida to do, all those years ago.

"I need to go."

Saida watched Zoya walk off. She closed her eyes, then blinked her tears away.

She remembered being fifteen and crying alone in her room, after Kirigan had told her not to speak to Zoya. She remembered wondering if she should have just let Kirigan get close to her instead, so that Zoya could be spared.

Saida looked up at the sky. Sometimes, she still thought that, even though she knew it was wrong.