Dear Dahlia (Shadow And Bone)

Chapter 14

Saida stared at the book lying on her lap. She'd had a restless night. When dawn broke, the heartrender had given up on sleeping, and was now staring at an illustration in The Shadow Girl. The picture showed two girls, named Laiyana and Naima, playing in the river. Saida wondered how Laiyana had befriended The Shadow Girl in the first place; had she'd drawn the djinn in with her sapphire necklace? That seemed the most likely option.

Saida glanced at the clock. 6am. It would be an hour before all the grisha got up and had breakfast, but Saida couldn't wait around that long. So she got ready for the day, changed into her kefta, and went down to the dining hall.

As she ate alone, Saida's eyes wandered to the gardens. Rahim had always been a good gardener; Saida knew it because she'd guessed he was grisha long before he was tested. Dahlia hadn't realised, though.

Saida finished eating and washed up her plate. Just then, someone came through the doorway of the kitchen. Saida looked up. Dahlia stood there, dressed in a white blouse and olive green skirt, with her hair tied into a ponytail. Saida briefly wondered why Kirigan had ordered her sister to wear green. They stared at each other in tense silence for a few moments. Surprisingly, though, Dahlia was the one to break it.

"...You're up early," Dahlia spoke.

"I couldn't sleep much last night. At least if I'm early, I won't have to battle to get breakfast." Saida dried her plate. "Have you eaten?"

Dahlia nodded.

"Give me your plate, I'll wash it," Saida offered. Dahlia watched her, wary. Saida sighed irritably.

"Dahlia, I'm not going to kill you."

Dahlia's jaw ticked, but she silently handed over her plate. As Saida washed and dried it, her mind flashed back to the day she was tested, and left for the Little Palace. I only put her to sleep for five minutes. I guess she thought I forgot her, mama and papa.

"You should have sent letters."

"I know." Saida squeezed her eyes shut. She really didn't want to talk about it, but she guessed she had to. "I should have. I'm sorry."

Saida accidentally dropped the plate, but Dahlia caught it before it could fall into the sink. She scoffed as she put the plate away. "Is that all you have to say? 'I'm sorry'?"

After a moment of silence, Saida watched her younger sister slump her shoulders and sigh. "I'm sorry I stopped sending letters."

"It's fine."

Dahlia was getting stressed now. "Maybe if I'd sent more letters, you would've..."

"No." Dahlia glanced up, surprised at Saida's answer. She clenched and unclenched her fists.

"So you knew it was wrong, and you didn't send them anyway?"

Saida felt herself becoming defensive. "What could I talk about? My life in the palace whilst you were still stuck in that house alone?"

"Yes!" Dahlia exclaimed, and Saida blinked in shock. "Something, anything!" Dahlia continued. "Not just silence for ten years!"

Saida shook her head. "You wouldn't have liked hearing what I experienced."

Saida saw her sister pause, concerned, and immediately realised her mistake. If word got out about Kirigan's behaviour towards Suli girls, he'd link it back to her. Then he'd kill her.

"What did you experience?" Dahlia asked.

Saida seized up. "I need to go." The heartrender pushed past Dahlia and walked down the hallway. Behind her, she heard Dahlia exclaim in disbelief, "unbelievable!", but Saida knew her sister didn't understand.

If Saida wanted to keep her head on her neck, Dahlia couldn't know about what she'd gone through. She couldn't ever know.