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i sat there completely still in my thoughts before clearing my throat and wiping the remaining tears from my eyes.

"what's done is done i guess. i'm fine." i mumbled as i brought my knees up to my chest.

calum shot ashton a concerned look.

"you don't have to act like this isn't hard babe. it is, you just lost someone close to you." ashton spoke softly as he went out to touch my hand.

i immediately flinched away and spit out, "no! don't touch me. i'll cry and never stop crying the second someone touches me so don't."

ashton gave me a sad look and nodded softly.

"baby no, please it's okay." calum whispered as he went to touch me.

i once again shot up and walked out of the room, not before telling him, "i need space."

calum's pov

i went to go run after her, but ashton grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"give her space." he spoke softly.

"no, ash, what if she does something stupid." i stressed.

"she won't mate. she's a strong girl." ashton whispered as he gave me a hug.

"how strong can she really be mate? she said she wanted to become better, but now i don't know if she has the strength." i sighed.

"well, we're just going to have to be there for her. at home, i want to initiate a slight watch over her because when your best friend commits, there's always a chance you will." ashton spoke quickly.

i nodded stiffly before standing up.

"i need to go find her." i spoke.

"i'll help." he spoke as he stood up to walk out with me.

aaliyah's pov

i sat outside in the tiny garden in the backyard with tears in my eyes.

i was fighting to push them away because i didn't need to be crying.

"aaliyah? are you okay?" michael asked as he approached me slowly.

"yep! totally fine." i spoke as i faked a smile.

"we both know that's a lie. what's up?" he asked as he sat down.

"n-nothing at all." i mumbled.

"do you need a hug?" he asked awkwardly.

"no! if you hug me i'll cry forever." i spit out as i stood up and walked away. no one was listening to me.

calum's pov

ashton and i ran into michael on our way to try to find liyah.

"mate what's up with aaliyah? she seemed super upset out in the garden." michael spoke quickly.

"you know beatrice? her best friend. she committed." ashton spoke softly.

"oh wow, no wonder." michael spoke with a sad expression.

"do you know where she went?" calum asked.

"no, she just shot up and walked away." michael spoke quickly.

"keep an eye out for her." ashton added as he and i walked away.

aaliyah's pov

i walked back into my room and sat on the bed staring mindlessly at the wall.

the door opened slowly and luke stepped in and gently shut the door behind him.

"hey love, i heard what's going on. are you okay?" luke asked as he walked towards me slowly.

"perfectly fine." i replied blandly.

"don't lie." he spoke simply as he sat next to me.

"it hurts." i whispered as i brought my knees up to my chest.

luke went in to hug me and i immediately jumped up and backed away.

"you can't fucking hug me. i'll cry. i don't want to cry." i spoke softly with tears threatening to fall down my face.

luke gave me a sad look before gently walking over and pulling me into a hug.

i immediately broke down. all of the pain and hurt pouring out of me as i sobbed.

he sunk to the ground, while holding onto me as if i was going to disappear.

i heard the door open and i looked up to see calum.

i gently removed myself from luke's arms and ran into his sobbing.

"it's not fair." i cried into his chest as he held me tightly.

"i know baby." he whispered as he rocked me back and forth.

after a couple minutes i began to calm down. by that point, all the boys were in my room.

i slowly stood up and walked over to the bed and pulled the blanket up and over my face.

i felt someone tug at it lightly and i saw ashton sitting in front of me.

"we can't do this sweet girl. we need to keep on pushing through."

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