Help//5sos ✔️

15.

i sat down across from there like i did when i first arrived here.

"why is he here?" i asked as i pointed towards ashton.

"i don't want a repeat of last time. i don't want to lose my temper and i don't want you to walk out on me." calum explained as he leaned back.

"i'm sorry." i mumbled.

"i'm also sorry. i shouldn't have yelled at you about your friend. you're right, she was there for you when i wasn't and i'm so damn sorry about that. however, i'm going to be here from now on. no matter what." calum spoke softly.

"that's nice of you. it really is, but i don't need you like i did before cal. you know, after you left i was a fucking mess. you never came to visit i felt like i fucking lost you. i sort of did in a sense. beatrice was the only one there for me. i was already spiraling into anorexia before her. yes, i know i have anorexia, i just don't want to fix it." i paused and looked up at calum's facial expression to see pain in his eyes.

i took a deep breath before continuing, "i wanted to die cal. before i met her and she gave me a sense of control. i wanted to die. i was able to look myself in the mirror and wish i never existed or that i could end myself then and there. she saved me after you left. beatrice kept me alive." i mumbled with tears in my eyes.

i looked up at calum to see him holding back his own tears.

"if i may interject and just to clarify, i'm on no one's side right now. aaliyah, calum had to leave for his future. i understand your viewpoint though because he should have called more and visited more often. that part is on him. however, what you're doing could potentially kill you. none of us, including michael and luke, are going to sit around and allow you to die in front of us." ashton spoke simply.

i nodded stiffly.

"i just don't want to be fat okay?" i whispered.

"you've never been fat liyah. i don't know why you think so." calum stressed.

"i don't know why either." i replied.

after that whole conversation with calum, i went back upstairs and played on my phone til dinner.

right before dinner, beatrice gave me a call.

"hey bee." i whispered as i answered.

"liyah! oh wow, you're face is really puffy." she replied.

"yeah i know. i went clubbing yesterday and got wasted." i shrugged.

"oh lord, what did your brother say?" she asked.

"well- hey! you must be beatrice!" i heard calum speak as he walked into my room.

i immediately went to hang up when calum stopped me.

"h-hi." bee stuttered as she stared at calum.

"how are you?" calum asked.

"great. how are you going?" she asked dryly.

"pretty awesome myself. i'm going to have to steal liyah from you. she will contact you later bye!" calum smiled as he waved at the phone before hanging up.

i shot him a glare before standing up and going downstairs for dinner.

as soon as we sat down i didn't want to eat anymore. we were having rice, green beans, and chicken.

i stared at the food in front of me til all of the boys were done eating.

"we'll head upstairs." luke spoke softly as he grabbed michael's arm and dragged him away from the table.

"hey! i'm not- "now you are." luke whispered as michael complained from behind him.

"let me." ashton spoke as he motioned for calum to leave.

"b- "no buts. go play video games or something with luke and michael." ashton spoke firmly.

calum nodded gently before heading upstairs.

ashton moved so he was directly across from me.

"what's going on?" he asked.

"i can't do it. all i see are numbers on the plate and i can't eat." i mumbled.

"here." ashton spoke as he grabbed my plate. he sectioned off half of each portion.

i stared at him blankly.

"close your eyes." ashton instructed.

"i'm not a baby ash." i grumbled as i closed them.

"you sure act like one, now here comes the train." he whispered as he brought the spoon to my mouth.

i gently took a small bite before chuckling, "my mom used to say that to me."

"i know. that's why i knew it would work."