Secrets And Lies [Completed]

34. trapped

Song of the chapter is
Closing In by Ruelle

-33-
-Siya Malhotra-
-Present-

___________

Paper Lantern
24 November, 2023
9:22 pm

As my legs strode towards the bathroom, the only thought left in my head was panic. And guilt.

Tears stung the back of my eye as I pushed open the door to the, thankfully empty, bathroom, and rushed towards the wash basin. Turning on the faucet, I watched the water rush down the sink hole. I collected some water in my hands and splashed it over my face, the essence of it cooling the heat on my face for a second.

But not my mind.

I was a raging mess. All I could feel was guilt, guilt and guilt.

Sweat beaded down my forehead as I tried to control my shaking hands. My heart thudded in my chest, and blood pounded in my ears. It was hard to breathe as if a vice was gripping me. One minute I was all hot and sweaty, and the other felt like I would freeze to death. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheek, my mind unable to grasp what was happening around me. I tried to look for water, but my vision disfigured as if I was looking through a fish-eye lens.

Spinning, swirling colors. Flying around my head. Unlike my friends, I could not tame the thing that was terrorizing me.

Thoughts rushed through my head faster than I could even encounter, floating by as though I was freely bobbing in the ocean, out of control, no one to help, and no one to turn to.

As time began to speed up, my thoughts became less coherent, streams of blinding unrealities, cascading floods of ridiculousness and insanity. Ribbons of red and yellow flew past my eyes, pink and orange assaulted my senses, overwhelming my mind with immeasurable amounts of unfiltered loudness.

I began to be afraid.

Buckling against one of the stall doors, I hugged my knees closer as I tried to catch the breath that wasn't anywhere near.

Usually, my mind was filled with order and reason, but now it was irrationality and chaos. I couldn't control my thoughts or emotions any longer. My tears began to flow as my faculties were completely overwhelmed. As if by the control of another, I bent down, trying to hide my face in my legs.

If only I could be smaller, immaterialize, maybe I could assume control over myself.

My nails dug into my palms. Breathing was hard. Really hard. As if I'd just run a marathon.