Is This Forever?

Deserved

Continued

December 20th, 2023
The Strand Residence
4:23
Owen's POV

I moved out about three weeks ago. I decided to give up our home so that Tommy and the girls had a place to go, it was deserved. I moved into a smaller three bedroom house a few miles from the station. Mateo and Nancy had gotten a place together about a month ago so it was just me and Buttercup.

Next week I'll be be spending my first Christmas without Tommy, Izzy, and Evie after spending our first Christmas together last year.

Even though I do see her every other day at work, every night I come home to a empty house with an heart just as empty. I miss everything about her. Her smile, the way she blushed when I complemented her on the regular. I just wish I had loved her the way she had deserved to be loved.

That night in my office she said I gave her an experience that she'll never forget. But, if I had never did what I had did we would still be living the life that we both had dreamed of. Us falling for each other was destiny. After losing people we really cared about a year and a half apart it was like the universe knew that we needed somebody and that somebody was each other.

But, it's too late for my words now. All I can think about is what she had said just a few days before I moved out.

______________________
3 weeks ago
Friday, December 1st, 2023
Vega-Strand Residence
8:48

While downstairs cleaning up before the girls came back from the nanny's home the next day she hears footsteps coming downstairs. With them being the only two in the house it couldn't be anyone else.

"Hey Tommy I was thinking." Owen started.

"If you want to say something to me grab that broom and start sweeping up the living room, please."

Snatching the broom from it's corner he sighed, "Not everything that we say in our personal time needs to turn into a fight." "We're not fighting. Matter of fact we're not even arguing, so what are you talking about?" Tommy asked. "You have every right to hold a grudge, but all I'm saying is all of our conversations don't have to turn into arguments. We can't even talk how we used to."

"Yes, because when we used to talk it meant something. Or it ended with your tongue down my throat. There really wasn't an in between was there?" She says with slight venom on her tongue.

Putting the broom down walking to where she was standing in the kitchen he speaks, "What are trying to say?"

"Why did you do it? Was I not enough for you? I mean after all we've been through I thought we would've been perfect for each other. You were there for me on one of the worst days of my life. You've had two devastating losses in the past two years. So, I thought you of all people would've understood the pain and the heartbreak of losing someone you love and trying to actually open your heart back up to someone you could potentially love. And it's just so crazy because I thought this was us building a life together. Why do you think I deserved this?" Vega throws out on the verge of tears.

Taking in her words, he's stuck for a while. She starts to get anxious for his answer but he's just standing there looking her in the eyes. Shes about to turn around and go back to cleaning when he turns her back around. "Tommy, you are the most beautiful woman I've laid eyes on in all my years. And I know what I did make you feel unworthy of finding love again after Charles. But, I promise you I'll get better and even if you do find someone worthy of your time I'll just have to accept it. Though you can't stop me from trying to win you back." He smiled.

"I was serious about us and I should've stayed serious about us. But, one night out fucked up everything that was good in my life. We were the only good in my life, you were the only good in my life. We can never get back what we had but maybe sometime in the future we could rekindle our love and be the best thing anybody has seen in years. So, that's why I was thinking I should move out, you know give you some space. So you can find someone who really deserves you."

________________________
Present day

Now here I am. I moved out of our home because I couldn't face her at work then come home and see her there too. It just brings back all the pain I've caused her.

I just feel bad because I left the house saying that she could find someone who deserved her. But what I didn't do was tell her that she was worthy of being deserved. That she would have everybody that wanted her wrapped around her finger in a second. That she deserved everything I didn't give her.

I just wish to see her smile again. To feel her lips against mine. But with our conversation we had a few weeks ago it felt like she thought I was using her for sex. Which I was most definitely not doing.

That night we had hooked up and come the next morning we didn't remember anything i've never beat myself up more. I had been thinking about Tommy in the utmost of ways. The way I could love her, the way I could please her. Since that day back in January when we shared that moment in my car. But, I never acted on it because I knew she had just lost her husband. And me trying to come onto her was not what she needed at that moment.

Then a few months later Gwyn had sadly passed away and I didn't want to act on anything with grief still on both of our minds. Until back in May I decided to ask her on a date. When she had said yes to my plans I had never been so happy.

I feel like if we hadn't have rushed into the dating scene and went on a few more dates before I had asked her to be my girlfriend we could've made it. Or if I hadn't even answered Catherine's call and met her for that drink. I wouldn't be listening to Billie Holiday reminiscing on our moments together instead of living in them.

Damn, I miss her.

TBC