Hush Hush

What happens in the dark

Episode 4

Bellee

"That McDonald's was so good, that's how I know I'm the good high. When the food be bussing" I giggled
"Facts. I feel you on that. So you mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure"
"Why you single?" He chuckled
"I never said I was" I jokingly said
"Damn my bad" his face said it all I wanted to hold my joke longer but I just bust out laughing.
"Oh you Miss funny girl" he chuckled
"I had to, you set yourself up for that one."
"I guess I did"
"But to answer your question, I wasn't always single. I had a high school sweetheart. We were together since middle school and all of high school"
"Well damn, what happened?"
"He decided to go to school overseas and the distance caused a rift between us. It just wasn't the same. I could tell he was lying to me about certain things. Like where he would go and who he was with. It was becoming too much"
"Why didn't you go with him? Y'all didn't plan to go to school close to each other?"
"I was never leaving my dad. He knew that though. I did visit him once but his group of friends wasn't it and this one girl Marie. It just wasn't what I imagined he'd be living like. They were wild and gave no fucks. They didn't care about me or his relationship. Plus I knew he fucked Marie the moment she walked in his place for the party."
"Damn I'm so sorry"
"It's cool I didn't trip. Well I did cry the first week. Don't tell no one that though can't let people think I'm soft." I laughed
"Just means you have a heart" he chuckled
"Haha I guess, what about you?"
"I rather not say. So you only had sex with 1 person?" He tried changing the subject
"2 but we not talking about me" I smirked "what are you trying to hide and why you scared to tell me?"
"I'm not I just don't want you to see me different"
"Boooooy! You said we going to get to know each other and here we are. I was pretty straight forward with you. You owe me the same or are you someone who hides their truths as well?"
"You're right. Ight, what do you want to know?"
"Same question, why are you single? And I don't want lies because if that's what you're going to do you can hang up getting to know me."
"Ight but don't go acting differently after this. So I had a few girls in my life. 3 or 4 relationships. Some flings and a couple of never saw them again after."
"Oh damn you a playa playa"
"I was.. I mean I'm just a man with a big appetite. I never really met a girl who I cared to take things further with except 1. I fucked that one up though."
"Hmm, you still a Playa huh? So How did you fuck it up?"
"You coming out the gate with them questions"
"You feeling uncomfortable?" I laughed "get over it and give me the tea scaredy-cat"

He paused and smirked before continuing our conversation.

"Pfff, I have a few girls I see from time to time. Um.."
"Boy hit this blunt" I lit it handing it to him. He obviously is use to lying about this.
"My bad" he chuckled and sat next to me "I'm not usually this open about my life extra curricular activities"
"Mmhm. I can tell. So what lies you be telling these girls? They the ONLY one?" I laughed
"Girls don't normally ask honestly."
"I mean pew. Not to come for you or anything but let's just say you got all this, it look nice, you seem sweet but you HIV positive. I bet a MF ask then. Just saying"
"Well damn Bellee." He said "I never had an STD in my life nor would I put any girl in that predicament. I get your point but damn"
"I'm blunt. Takes some getting use to. So you never told me how you fucked up your good relationship. You cheat?"
"Yeah" he spoke honestly. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge then he sat next to me.  "I broke her heart and it was really no coming back from that." He opened his beer.
"Why cheat if it was so good?"
"You want something to drink? I'm sorry I didn't even ask you just have my mind all over the place right now."
"Part of the healing process but yes I want something. What you got?"
"Everything" he chuckled. "I have a little bar in the kitchen."
"I just want like a cooler or something I don't drink hard liquor."
"Ight easy" he said then came and gave me a cooler.
"Thanks I love these" I said opening my Smirnoff ice. My dad gave this to me as my first drink at 17 and it kind of stuck.
"Got you. What time you want to head to your place?"
"Maybe in a few. Giving it sometime for my street hype to die down"
"Makes sense"
"So are you going to answer my question or are you use to changing the subject so smoothly?"
"I forgot what you asked"
"Why did you cheat on your girl if y'all had a good relationship?"
"There's not really an excuse I can give you. I went out with my boys and they invited girls. The rest is a book but when I got home my girl knew because drunk me forgot to turn off my location. She showed up at the hotel and caught me as I was walking out with them"
"Them? Damn Jakai how many were there?"
"Two she saw. The other two were still in the room getting theirselves ready to go. I know how it sounds but where I'm from men don't live to see 30. I admit we rushed things initially. I should have kept it at a distance while I scratched a few things off my bucket list. Things don't always turn out the way you plan though."
"Four girls at once was on your bucket list?" I questioned
"Two" he chuckled. "I don't even know where the other 2 came from."
"Sheesh. Yeah I definitely would have sent you packing" she giggled. "But no judgement here. Consider this a clean sleight. So do you have siblings?"
"Yeah two. My brother JiJuan and my sister Ximori"
"Wow I don't know why I expected you to say no. So what you don't see them or talk to them?"
"Yeah I do. They both older then me I'm the youngest. My brother 34 and my sister 29. JiJuan be traveling so I only see him on holidays. Ximori works a lot. She hits me everyday when she gets home though. She probably just not off yet."
"Aww I wish I had siblings. It's just me been that way my whole life"
"None on your dads side?"
"Nah my dad has been afraid of commitment since my mom left. He has a fling and that's it. No one really solid enough to stick around."
"I mean at least you got to keep your shit to yourself. Plus all the attention was on you. How bad could have been?"
"It got lonely sometimes. Especially on nights my dad would be drinking and rambling to himself about stuff."
"Damn I'm sorry"
"It's okay, it was just during times he was reminded of my mom. Like holidays and especially the day she left"
"You really had it tough"
"Eh, I have a best friend and so it wasn't all that bad. She's been my best friend since we were little. Like 3"
"Damn that's about how long Project and I been friends."
"I can tell because you was not playing about that bag"
"I just know his temper. He'd hurt you and it's not even your fault you had the bag."
"Well how about we get this bag out the way because I'm already dealing with enough"
"We can do that"
"Then maybe we can come back here. I kind of don't want to stay in my house after today. I just need a few days to clear my head"
"You're more then welcome. I have a spare room too."
"Thank you, truly."
"No problem, ready?"
"Yup"

My dad always told me what's meant for me will be. I don't know why but Jakai was growing on me. The car ride to my house was so lit I forgot I went to jail. The wind blowing onto my face as he blasted his playlist. A mixture of Drake, Kendrick and the weekend. It was a vibe.

Although all this felt unreal there's still a few things I stand by heavily.

I Do NOT trust people.
I build a wall the moment I meet you.

It can seem sweet until it's not. Before you could ever hurt me, I'll leave you and that will hurt 10 times more.

"Your dad must make a lot of money" Jakai said as we pulled up to my house.
"Yeah" I uttered as I thought of my car getting repoed.

We walked in and of course the place was trashed. The couch was flipped over, the TV was on the floor. All of the papers in the drawers were thrown everywhere. The cabinets were opened and broken glass filled the wooden floor.

"Damnn" Jakai gasped "Damn yo"
"It didn't look this bad when they were taking me out. They really went through everything." I felt my eyes tear up as I glanced around the home I grew up in.
"It's okay, I'll help you clean it up"
"I'm okay, come on this way" I quickly wiped the tear that escaped my left eye.
"This house is insane" Jakai still admired it although it was trashed.
"Thanks, now you see how the stuff on the floor and it looks like a empty wall with cubby holes"
"Yeah they definitely wouldn't have found that shit."
"Exactly now turn for a second"
"Ight" he did what I asked.

Once the door open I signaled him to come in.

"So this is it" I said as we entered my dads safe room.
"Fancy" he jokingly said "This is crazy tho"
"Right, same thing I said when I first saw it. Mr funny guy" I laughed and grabbed the bookbag.

Suddenly we heard noises coming from somewhere.

"What's that?"
"Do you hear that? There's someone here" I heard the noise again. It kind of sounded like a knocking noise.
"What the fuck is that?" Jakai said as he began looking around.
"Shhh" I signaled him to be quiet and I searched for the source.

For 10 whole mints we were silent. I didn't hear the noise again. At this point I'm either high or someone is in here.

"I don't hear it anymore" Jakai said as he messed with the security system.

I continued to look around whispering "was anybody here" I thought maybe it could be my dad but i just couldn't make it make sense.

"Have you checked to footage to see the last time your dad was here?"
"No. This was honestly my second time ever in this room. The first was when he finished it. I checked our footage upstairs which only shows front and back door but in here you can see the whole house. Garage too. My dad told me to only use this room for an emergency situation. Oh here" I handed him the book-bag

"Thank you. So you want to go through it?"
"Yeah" I walked up next to him.

There was 8 little screens but 1 big screen you could expand the videos on.

"You have to click one and click display 11. I guess start with the garage. Like 3 weeks ago.
"Ight this is it I think"
"Wait there he is! That was Sunday night!" My heart jumped out of my chest. "Pause it" I asked as I saw someone standing outside of the garage as my dad backed out.
"Who is that?"
"I don't know..." I gazed confused
"It looks like a woman"
"I see" I said as I saw her heels "I don't understand"
"Dead ass this shit weird. Look at this" he said pointing out a person in the car with my dad. He was in the back seat and had a gun at my dads shoulder.

My world sank. I immediately felt dizzy and sick to my stomach.

"Whoa.." Jakai caught me
"I can't breathe" I panicked. Tears pouring from my eyes. My greatest fear of all. Losing my dad.
"It's gonna be okay, I got you" he held me rubbing his fingers in my hair. "Just breathe, we'll figure this out I'm sure your dad is okay. Just breathe"

A world without my dad would put me in shambles. I know he lies, I know he has secrets but I also know he does that to protect me. My dad would rather I celebrate the good sides and see him only in that light. As a child gets older a lot of those lies just become things we want to discover more about. I just miss him so much..

"I need to get out of here" I said as I started to breathe a little easier.
"Whatever you want"