Let Me Struggle With You | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Trying to be better

It's been two weeks since my first full night at the Avengers tower and I'm on my way to see Bruce so I can finally start my training. I was really hoping that I could start the training, I've not had much interaction with the Avengers except for Bruce they haven't bothered with me, and I haven't bothered with them I liked it that way. Since my panic attack things were just quiet and no one pressured me into eating anything, Bruce allowed me to eat with him in his lab, but I've never kept more than one mouthful down. As I was walking down the hall Tony was coming my way, he was the only one I knew didn't like me at all, so I tried to avoid him more so than everyone as he passed, he gave me the dirtiest look ever, but I ignored it and my why over to Bruce's lab. I made my way inside.

"Hey Y/n you, okay?"

"I'm fine just want this to be done now." Bruce let out a small chuckle earning a tiny smile from me.

"I understand your frustration but hopefully it should all be healed now, especially since you have the serum and much more of it." as he finished his sentence, he gestured for me to lay down on the table.

"I just want to get training."

"I know you do but you have to take things slow when you can, I know all you've ever known is training but you have a chance now to get used to a more normal life." deep down I knew he was right, but training is the only thing I've been sure on, and talented at.

"I know, but it's the only thing I've been sure on and highly talented at, can't help but miss it."

"I understand that." meanwhile the x-raying had started, and it didn't take very long for Bruce to be done.

"Well good news is your ribs have healed perfectly." I was grateful but I knew there was a 'but' coming so I stared at him waiting.

"But... everything that has happened to you before that's cause all these scars will unfortunately never going away yet have healed significantly." I smiled lightly at him; he has been nothing but helpful.

"That's fine with me, I had a feeling those would never go away. Thank you, Bruce, for everything."

"Any time, obviously it still has to be a regular thing and there are still many things to address but as of right now I deem you physically fit and capable to begin your training however I will recommend to the others they start easy first as you'll still need some time, if that's ok."

"That's perfectly fine with me. Will I be able to use the gym as I please?"

"Yes...just be gentle." I didn't want to go against him, but I knew that I wouldn't go gentle I needed to let out steam and quick.

"Of course, Bruce." He gave me a look as if to say he knew I wouldn't, but I smiled back at him.

"I'll see you later Y/n for our usual."

"Yes, you will." I waved before walking out with more happiness than I'd felt in a long time.

I made my way into the elevator and pressed the button to take me to my floor, once I arrived, I rushed into my room to quickly change into some work out gear Wanda had lent me, she had been kind to me as well but yet we still barley talked. Once I changed, I pulled my hair tight into a ponytail, I knew some avengers would be training right now but I just had to get in there regardless of if a few scars and burn marks were on show. I was still insecure, so I applied some make-up in attempts at covering them all up quite well to not seem so bad or drastic and once I was happy, I headed back towards the elevator.

"Hey Jarvis, could you please take me to the level of where the gyms are located?"

"Of course, Y/n." I immediately started moving to the level of the gyms and training areas, I had arrived quickly and stepped out into the gym. I was right; Natasha, Bucky, Clint, Wanda and Steve were all in here either training or doing some workouts. As soon as they had heard the elevator doors shut all eyes turned to me, suddenly I began to feel more insecure than I had before. Aware of them watching my every move I walk over to the pull up bar, putting some chalk onto my hands before grasping the bar, as I was about to begin a voice stops me.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the 'all clear'?" I recognise it to be Clint's voice.

"Just came from Bruce. All clear." as soon as I said it, I began to do pull ups at a rapid pace.

"Jarvis ask Bruce if she has the 'all clear'." I roll my eyes and sigh but continue my pull ups.

"Still can't trust me, even with this. I have done nothing but follow everyone's rules since I got here, I have given you no reason to not trust me here excluding how we met but still you can't trust me on this?" Small frustration can be heard in my tone of voice.

"Well, I'm sorry but we know little to nothing about you and the only person you talk to is Bruce, we have every right to get suspicious." I sigh because he was right, but I can't help but get a little frustrated. I drop down from the bar, completely put off my task and turn to face them all.

"You're right. But I think I'll leave now, I don't particularly be here anymore." as I made my way to the elevator and pressed the button, I finished by saying,

"Maybe you'd all know a little more if people actually tried, you get what you give." no one said anything as I stepped in the elevator and pressed the button my floor was on, I would not be working out here for a while.

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My reading was cut short by Jarvis' voice ringing out in the room.

"Bruce is requesting your presence in the dining room, Y/n." 

"Why exactly." 

"I believe he wants you to join them for a meal." I sighed knowing he'd get me there one way or the other, so I got up from my position and made my way to the dining area. As I was about to turn the corner into the area, I heard mention of my name and decided to wait and listen for a moment.

"She doesn't say much though, does she?" Stark.

"Well, have we really given her any reason to?" Bruce.

"We get wat we give." I smirk knowing Steve had said what I did earlier on.

"Well, we've been left with an assassin with tripple your serum, merciless killer, worked for Hydra and his hiding so much information yet she's allowed to roam free around here?!" I stand shocked, I knew everything Tony had said was right it's just I was really trying to be better I hated who I was. Not being able to go in there now and face them I knew the only place I wouldn't be found for a while is the rooftop so I beelined straight for there.