Somebody To Live For: Book II

Acts of Wickedness

                            {Damien's POV}
                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the past three weeks at night while everyone is asleep, I find myself watching guy on guy pornography.
I'm still sexually attracted to women, which is why I fight between being gay and bisexual.
I have to constantly wipe my search history repeatedly everyday just to cover my ass.

I looked over at the clock, it was seven fifty five. Ive been gone from morning. All I thought about was what excuse could I possibly give to explain where Ive been.

The first time i laid down with a man was the scariest day of my life. I kept checking my phone, the windows, making sure the doors were locked. The guilt ate me alive.

I felt something in my spirit whenever Jamison would come home on Christmas and summer breaks. It's like a spark or something could be felt. I always thought it was brotherly love that I felt for him, but I now know what I felt was lust.

Earlier today, the place I spotted him is a well known gay bar. I needed to know why would he be there but without blowing my own cover as to why I was there.

I slowly lift the covers, exposing both Kim and I. "I cant wait to cut this off" she said.

"What do you mean?"

"Im having bottom surgery next year"

"What's that?"

"They cut my penis off and turn it into a vagina"

"What ? Are you serious?"

"Im tired of only using female pronouns, I want breast and female parts too Damien"

"But I love you just the way you are"

"I stick one butt plug into you and now you love me just the way I am?" She laughed.

It took me a while getting used to not using male pronouns with her. Kim's birth name is Kendrick.

{Incoming Call From Jess❤️}

"Shh"

"Who's that?"

"Jess, stay quiet" I got up and closed the door behind me.

"Damien?"

"Hey"

"Where are you?"

"I needed to get a drink. I crashed at Aaron's place but Im about to leave"

"True, we need to talk"

"About?"

"Us... this relationship.. it's not..."

"Babe I know that I haven't been the best guy lately. Ive been dealing with a lot. Not just work wise, but...." I thought of the first lie to come to my mind. "Jess my mother has brain cancer. Ive known for months but I just didn't know how to tell you. Ive been pushing you away when Im suppose to be leaning on you. Thats why Ive been pressuring you about kids and a family lately. Thats why I was thinking about marrying you earlier than later. I dont know if she would live to see our wedding day. Its so much I have to tell you when I get home"

"Damien... that still doesn't explain the hickey"

"Babe, I went to the strip club okay. The boys and I went there a few weeks ago and Aaron paid for a special dance for me. I had a tad bit too much to drink but thats it I promise. I shouldn't of lied but I was scared what you might've done had I told you the truth"

"Damien.... We'll talk more when you get home okay"

"Okay, I love you"

"I love you too"