Royals

Chapter 29 - Love Song

I cannot believe myself.

My day was progressively getting worse and I felt like I was spiraling nonstop without any way to end it.

I want to run away from here and hide somewhere where I can hit myself over my head repeatedly in the hopes that I pass out and wake up realizing it is all a dream.

I never got into an altercation with Yeonjun at Hive.

I never got into Royals High

I never spilled coffee on Soobin.

I never called Taehyun a smartass.

I am hyperventilating.

I have to remind myself to breathe.

It does not help that I get glances and stares from people all around me.

I feel like I am sticking out like a sore thumb between them.

Do they all know what happened between Yeonjun and me?

Did Soobin also tell them about the coffee altercation?

Do they hear I called Taehyun a smartass?

I cannot breathe.

I go through the map layout in my hand and my feet move on their own accord as they decide to be on a mission to find my solace.

I know that is the only place where I'll be able to clear my head.

My head feels dizzy and my chest feels tight. I just keep reminding myself to take a breath in and let a breath out as I keep looking at the map in my hand and then around me to spot the location.

I knew I would come here at one point or another but I just didn't think that it would be before my first day could even end.

I had so many expectations from my first day here. Now it was all in ruins.

I didn't want to do anything anymore.

I just wanted to curl up in a corner and wish for this day to just end as fast as possible.

I wanted to go home.

I wanted to go back to my old school and not worry about these events.

Just looking at the words 'Library' on the frosted glass puts air back in my lungs.

I enter the room and there is no one there. Not even the librarian. I know I have a class now but I don't want to go. I don't want to face another group of students and I don't want to mess something up again.

I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want anyone staring at me.

I want to stay here.

I search around the shelves and find the fiction section in the right-hand corner with classics with hardback covers stacking up from the floor to ceiling. There is even a ladder here to help reach the books on the upper shelves.

I graze my fingers over the faded cover of wuthering heights and then over the picture of Dorian gray. 

Finally, I settle upon Dracula by Brahm Stoker.

The chairs and tables are in the middle of the room but I don't want to leave this corner. It feels like a safe haven to me right now, away from all the eyes and stares.

Away from another potential leather jacket.

I settle on the floor not caring that this is a new and very expensive uniform. I rest my head against the shelves and fold myself in a way that should be enough for people to not notice me here.

I do the only thing I do when I want to get away from the real world – I immerse myself in the fictional world of books.

Maybe I was tired from not getting enough sleep last night due to the first-day jitter or maybe everything that took place within the last couple of hours drained all my energy, I don't know, but I fell asleep.

I was woken by someone lightly tapping on my shoulder.

My eyes took time to adjust to the lighting and I blinked rapidly. I recollected my thoughts and previous actions to put together the comprehensive conclusion that I was at the school library.

After I was aware of my surroundings, I finally took notice of the person who woke me up.

A boy with long black hair with platinum blonde streaks was sitting opposite me, his back leaning against the bookshelf in front of me, mimicking my pose with his legs extended on my side.

The only difference is, that he is much taller than I am so even though I have my legs fully stretched they still don't reach the foot of the front shelf, his legs are bent at the knees and yet his ankles rest against the bookshelf I am leaning against.

I am not sure whether it is still my sleep-induced vision or the sunlight from the window hitting the right angles, but his features are sharp.

Straight nose, angled jaw, and high cheekbones. Flawless skin.

Handsome face.

His hair is tousled and yet they look like he intended it to be like that. Like he put in the effort to not make it look like it was well styled.

It looked fashionable.

His eyes have dark circles underneath them and he is wearing blue contacts but there's strange light-hearted humor in them.

There is a ghost of a smile playing on his pale pink lips as if he is aware that I am blatantly staring at him and he is amused by it.

Shit.

I avert my eyes.

I didn't mean to stare at him.

I wipe a hand over my face and hope I wasn't drooling. I look at my watch. It is 10 minutes till lunch break. 

I missed my class.

I feel extremely guilty but I know I couldn't have sat through an entire class even if I tried. I will go and talk to the concerned teachers after lunch is over.

"Hey there, didn't mean to wake you up. You seemed very peaceful while you were sleeping. I was busy doing my work and paid no attention to you but then you started snoring and that was kinda cramping my style when I am trying really hard to write a love song" he shrugged and put a pencil behind his ear.

"Love song?" I ask against my better judgment.

Why was this guy writing a love song in a school library?

The curiosity got the better of me.

"Well, technically a breakup song." I just nod at his words as I don't know what else to say to him on that.

"I was told I should tap into my emotions to make my songs sound more soulful" he shook his head and brought the pencil back onto the notepad he was holding and scribbled something.

"This will make great lyrics, don't you think?" he showed me his lyrics.

"Loving you was hard but leaving harder, I just want to go back but I know I can't be your lover" I read it out loud and then stare at him with a blank expression.

"What do you think?" he asks that light humor fleeting through his eyes.

"I don't know much about songwriting or breakups for that matter so I don't think I am the right person to ask" I shrug.

I don't want to tell him it sounds a little childish.

I have already made sure to be on the bad side of many people here. I don't want to add to the list.

"You've never been in love? Huh. That sucks" he looked back down at his paper and scribbled something.

This time I could see what he was writing.

It read 'Well, I'm fucked'.

A laugh slip past my lips for the first time today.

It feels nice but strange at the same time.