As soon as I spoke these words, I flooded with regret. I tried to look at anything but Thor. I didn't want to see the look in his eyes. The last time I saw that look, back in Midgard, I felt it. It was my plan initially, to play with Thor's emotions. To be in control, but it quickly unraveled and I was the one being controlled. I couldn't let it happen again, yet here it was and I felt hopeless. I looked up at the dark stained sky. Swirls of blue and purple greeted the stars that sparkled in their place.
The moons glowed in a beautiful aura, and I wish at this very moment to be there. To just be amongst the stars, surrounded by the dark patterns of the galaxy. I felt Thor's thumb brush against my cheek, and I looked to him on instinct. His lip trembled as a tear glided down from his left eye. He looked as though he had a million things to say, but spoke none. He looked down, breath unsteady. And for the first time ever, Thor looked cowardly. He looked afraid, lost, and in-confident.
What should have brought me joy only brought pain. His eyes looked up to me now, and I was lost in them. He looked as though he were in battle, facing the most monstrous of them all. I was the monster.
I tore through his heart, tricked his senses. I toiled with his emotions, and broke any sentimentality he gave me. I was slowly breaking him apart. Isn't that the plan? To break Thor. Make him plead for mercy, and only laugh at his fatal attempts. But I know now that I could not, and never will be able to. I have given up, and I felt more weak than ever. My legs trembled, arms growing weary. I closed my eyes, pushing my head back against the wall. "Let go." I whispered, my voice sounded awful. It was pitiful and broken.
I felt his gaze on me, felt his sad eyes scan my expression for any hint of how I was feeling. "Loki-" I pressed my back against the wall, trying to make the most of the little distance between us. "Let me go." I hissed. I could feel tears coming and I only wanted to escape from it. I wanted to leave right now, I wanted to be invisible. I was invisible to everyone, except Thor. I used to thrive in his presence, but now I ached to leave it. I yearned for it, but at the same time hated every minute of it.
I knew that when I walked side by side with Thor, I might as well be walking by myself. No one saw me in comparison, they only saw a monster.
I felt his hand trail under my chin, pushing my head to face him. I kept my eyes closed. "Loki, please." After he did not receive a reply, I heard him take in a deep breath.
"Loki, I love you. I love you so dearly and so strongly, I know I can't live without you. You try to act as if you're an enemy, a monster you call yourself. You are nothing of that, nothing. I see that look in your eyes, even when you try to hide it. You looked broken. I tried to ignore it, say it was all in my head. But I knew it wasn't. In Midgard, you seemed so happy and at piece. And you come to me now, saying it was all a lie?" His voice was trembling, but he continued.
"I don't care what you see of me. You could hate me with all the power of the 9 realms. No matter what you think of me, I will always love you. With every fiber in my being, every star in the galaxy, everything. And even now, as you close your eyes and try to leave. I still love you. I will never let you go, Loki. But if you truly wish to leave me, I can't help that." His voice was so quiet now, I could barely hear it. I felt the grip on me loosen, and soon the weight against me was gone.
I kept my eyes closed, feeling his gaze on me for a while longer. The sound of foot to gravel met my ears, and I opened my eyes to see Thor walking away. Leave him. Let him drown in his sadness, let him think you of his enemy.
"Brother." My voice broke, but it seemed all too quiet to be heard. He stopped in his tracks, a pebble skittering across the pavement as he did so. He did not face me, but simply stood there. I felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest, and my nerves tightened. I tried to collect my thoughts, but none came as I spoke my words. "I never wanted to hurt you." My voice trembled, but I continued. "I-I feared you." This time he turned suddenly, the look in his eyes could break the heart of anyone who looked at them.
He looked as though he were trying to take in what I had just said. "You feared me?" His voice was in a whimper, and he looked worse now. He looked scared. Completely and utterly scared. I slowly sunk to the ground, blades of grass poking through my pants. "I fear you." I saw a single tear glisten as it rolled down his cheek, and I felt my own eyes tear as well.
"Why?" He asked, just barely able to speak. His lips were trembling, and I had to look away. "You said-You said you would slay all the Jotunn's, ever since we were children. You said you changed, but that will never change who I am. What I am." I spat weakly, feeling all too weak for health. Thor took a step ahead, one by one but in a struggle. Soon, he was a few feet before me. I looked away, but still saw him in a blur at the corner of my eyes. He dropped to his knees in a loud thump, and it sounded as if he had fallen from many feet above.
"Do you fear me now?" He asked quietly, a sob breaking through his tone. I didn't reply immediately, but soon forced the words through my teeth. "Sometimes."
I hesitantly turned my head, the sadness in his eyes hitting me like a fist to my chest. "Sometimes..." He repeated, more of a question than a statement. "When I see the warrior in your eyes.." I started, whipping a tear away. "I fear that those eyes will be for me someday...That those eyes will look directly into mine, and they will be the last thing I see before I'm left to die-" I couldn't finish my sentence, tears now flooding the rims of my eyes and escaping in a waterfall.
"Y-You think I would slay you?" He asked in the most heart wrenching voice I've ever heard. Nodding solemnly, I felt his hand come down on my knee just barely, as though he didn't want to hurt me. "I would never do anything to hurt you." He said with a strained voice, his face tear stained as was mine. And it was that moment I felt a pinch in my chest. I reluctantly looked into those sad blue eyes, seeing them looking straight into mine.
"Do you hear me, brother?" He asked, and I wasn't sure how to reply. "How do I know that?" I asked with most innocence. He looked at me as though he wasn't sure how to reply now. He loomed the slightest bit closer after a few moments of silence. "Because I love you, Loki." He said softly, a single last tear falling from his eye. I wanted to trust him, but something still nagged at the back of my mind. Soon, all my thoughts melted away at the realization of Thor before me.
He loomed in closer, and I managed to push myself a bit closer. Soon it was just Thor and I, the faint sounds of insects echoing in my head as the dark summer sky cast over us. He placed his hand gingerly on my neck, pressing his lips against my forehead. "Don't ever think I would do anything to hurt you."
