The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Thirty-One

MARY

I must've jumped out of my skin. The last voice I expected to hear as I opened the door that night was Matt's. As I spun around, clutching at my chest and pressing my back up against the doorframe, I was completely stunned to find him sitting in the dark on the old porch furniture like he belonged there.

"What are you doing here?"

I managed to get that one question out when really millions of them were darting through my mind. Why wasn't he with the team? Who was the girl in the text? Was he still seeing her? Was she the only one? Was he that unhappy? What had happened to us?

Matt leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "You wouldn't take my calls, you didn't answer my emails, and you ignored my texts." He ran his hands through his short hair with a defeated sigh before tilting his head up and staring wearily over at me. "We need to talk Mary. You can't keep avoiding me forever."

"And what exactly do we need to talk about Matt? You fucked this up, not me!" I yelled at him in a hush voice, realizing how late and how quiet the neighborhood was.

I wasn't sure where the surge of animosity came from, maybe it was because of Ian, maybe it was always there and was just waiting to get out, but my resentment took hold of me in that moment and I unleashed it out on him. I stepped away from the door, pointing a condemning finger in his direction.

"For eight years I've been by your side. I've attended every game and nursed you back to health countless of times when you were hurt. I've moved to two different cities because of your career and haven't even been able to start mine! It's always about you Matt! We go to your charity functions, parties with your friends, and all we talk about is your job. I'm in this relationship too, but I've just become some sort of decorative hood ornament, this faceless accessory that you take out when the invitation says plus one!"

The anger in his eyes burned over into hurt and he stood up. "I never asked you to do any of that. You wanted to stay here for college; I didn't give you a hard time about it even though you got into Penn. You didn't know what to pick for a major and I make a crack about you being a sports caster and the next thing I know that's your major." He shakes his head, gaping back at me.

"You can't put this all on me Mary. I'm holding you back from a career that you never even wanted? That's not fair. If you had an idea about what you wanted to do I'd support you a 100%, but somewhere along the line you just gave up." I felt my defenses bristle. He struck a nerve.

"I know how much you've done for me over the years Mary. I never asked you to, but I appreciated every bit of it. Maybe I didn't show you enough." He brought his eyes up and stared straight into mine. "But I won't stand here and let you imply that I wouldn't do the same for you. Because I would Mary. In a heartbeat."

I stared back at him. My vision blurred by tears I was fighting off. The truth hurt and I couldn't in clear conscience say that Matt was wrong. I had given up somewhere along the way. I chose the easy path, blindly following him. He never asked me too. That was on me. Yet now I resented him for it and that wasn't fair.

He took a step closer but I held my hand up. I couldn't. I wasn't ready. Not five minutes ago I was kissing Ian and everything seemed different.

"Who was the girl?" I ask, not looking at him. I don't see it, but I feel his entire body sag, almost like he knew that I was going to question him about it, and he still didn't know what to say.

"She's nobody."

"Nobody?" I flicked my eyes up to him. "Nobodies don't have your number! Nobodies don't send you naked texts and call you daddy!" Matt's head dropped with shame.

"I told you, I fucked up. It happened one time. I was drunk and I did something that I now regret every day."

I didn't know if I could believe him. He traveled a lot with the team and I didn't always go with him. Who's to say there wasn't some chick in every city who called him daddy? I pulled my eyes from him and shook my head, feeling the cracks in my heart.

" Mary?" I could hear the pleading in Matt's voice but couldn't bring myself to look at him. It hurt too much.

"Were there others?"

"No. I promise you."

"Promise?" I let out a dry snort. "Your promises don't mean anything anymore."

His eyes saddened and I could see the failure in them. I think that was the moment everything really sunk in for Matt. I don't know if he thought I'd forgive him more easily, or if he had just hoped I would, but he knew right then how much damage there was between us and that it wasn't going to vanish with one conversation.

"I know we still have a lot to talk about Mary. I know how badly I fucked everything up. But I love you. I've loved you since I was sixteen years old. That's gotta mean something because I promise you Mary, I'm not giving that up without a fight."

I knew he meant it. I knew Matt well enough to know that when he was determined there was no stopping him. He planned on winning me back but honestly, I didn't even know if that was even possible anymore.

"I'm not going back to Philly."

He paused for a second and then slowly nodded his head. "We'll work it out."

"I'm staying here, at the house. Erin and Lexi agreed to it." I pulled my eyes away from him. Telling him this was more painful than I thought it would be. He was a quiet for a moment and we were left with nothing but an uncomfortable silence between us.

"Is it because of him?" Matt finally whispered. "Ian Malcolm?"

I shook my head. I wasn't about to start discussing Ian with Matt, but I wasn't staying in town because of him either so I had no trouble answering the question. Matt moved closer to me and this time I didn't move away. He raised his hand up and brushed back some of my hair. It felt familiar. It felt comforting. It was what I knew. I had to hold myself from leaning into him like I normally would but he pulled his hand back and stepped away from me.

"I'll be at my parents'."

I blinked up at him. "You're staying here?"

"I'm not going anywhere Mary, not until you and I work things out."

"But what about the team?"

He shook his head. "Mary, I plan on doing whatever it takes to show you how much you mean to me." He stepped backwards off the porch stairs, keeping his eyes on me. "I'll be at my parents' house," he said again. I nodded, still feeling a little stunned that he was actually staying.

Matt turned around and dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked towards the front gate. I had stood in that very same spot and watched him leave countless times before, but this time something felt different and I honestly didn't know what that meant.