"Above all, avoid lies, all lies, especially the lie to yourself. Keep watch on your own lie and examine it every hour, every minute. And avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself. And avoid fear, though fear is simply the consequence of every lie. Never be frightened at your own faintheartedness in attaining love, and meanwhile do not even be very frightened by your own bad acts." Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.
* * *
Shine read the above quote to her class at the end of the week before the Conference, just a couple days after the conversation with Scott, Logan, Mystique, and Morph.
Since then, Mystique had said nothing at all to deter her and had been helping her prepare without complaint. It was to show Scott up, now that she'd gone so far to insult him, which Logan and Morph told Shine about later.
Shine knew better than to bring it up to Raven, who would have probably denied any actual concern.
But she told the other ladies on the team about it...except Jean. Scott would tell her his own side no doubt anyway, and Shine didn't care to get in the middle of a fight between them again. It didn't end well.
Rogue was always surprised when Mystique did anything she could agree with at all. And Storm commended Shine for even inspiring that kind of confidence in someone so mistrusting.
But Shine told Storm not to commend her.
"I have given it my best, certainly, but Raven is not so easily swayed," she said. "You can be sure whatever she is thinking now, she has been thinking for some time and is only now deciding what to say about it. God works on the hearts of people while we are not looking, Storm. I would not gloat to her about it. I made that mistake in the past, and it was foolish. Not with her, but with others, when I was young and new."
"Well, we all do that," Storm said. "But surely you have put in all this time with her for a reason."
Shine looked at her oddly. "I suppose...or, I just care. Perhaps I like her in earnest. I can't explain what it is, but despite her prickliness, Raven tends to make me feel understood in some way that I rarely find with anyone. So do you. But not the same as her."
"I know we have a lot in common," Storm said, "but what could you have in common with her? You could not be more different."
"You'd think so," Shine said. "But, Storm, I think it's like how you and Logan are different."
"Logan? We are different, but how does it connect?" Storm said.
"You're different, but you understand each other well," Shine said, "and always have. That could only happen if deep down you were somewhat the same. At first I didn't see why, but then it became clear to me. You both try to be fair, and have compassion to people who need defending, and are warrior minded, though you express it differently. You are controlled and serene, usually, while Logan is a hothead, but under that, the motives are pretty much the same. It's not a coincidence that both of you were drawn to us first. That is what we all have in common, wanting similar things and coming to bring them about. You just wanted direction...and we needed people to get on board with us in order to do anything. We fit together."
"How does Mystique mirror you in the same way, then?" Storm conceded the point about herself.
Shine thought. "Sometimes she gives it back to me, the way I talk to people and try to read them. Professional hazard I suppose. She uses it to manipulate people for her many jobs, trying to survive and fulfill a task for less than reputable people. I use it to get around obstacles and serve God to my best ability. We have different approaches and goals, yet our skills coincide, don't they? So she understands me, and she understands what it is like to be good at that and have many people not like that about you. It's not an easy gift to have, managing...perception." She frowned. "Something, I'm sorry, that you cannot understand, Ororo. You are perceptive, but not the same way I am. You'd never think of using it to get your way."
