Peace - jaylor story (peace book 1)

time flies by

**30 weeks / 7 months and two weeks **

-Taylors pov-

We have been in Belfast for three weeks now and it's been fun and relaxing. I spend time in the apartment with Ellie, but we have also gone out to a park for a walk there.

She is really becoming movable now and loves it. Now she gets from her tummy to a sitting position by herself whenever she feels like it and is crawling for real now and not just dragging herself forward by her arms or doing the diaper scoot to get around. Thankfully we chose an air BNB that was already childproofed for these reasons, so we didn't have to do it ourselves. We couldn't risk her getting herself into dangerous situations like stairs or power outlets. Eventually we will teach her about stairs safety, but we don't feel comfortable with that yet so it's completely off limits for now.

It's just really exciting to see how much she is doing now, and it only increases every day which is exiting. She is just a little firecracker and it's so much fun for us but also tiering. She is also down to two naps now so it's more time to entertain her during the day.

"You ready for some lunch Ellie?" I say and pick her up from the portable play pen we got her to keep her contained sometimes. She is slowly getting the hang of eating which has been fun and messy. She is still breastfeeding, but we are adding more food so she gets to try that too.

"Open wide" I say and put the spoon Infront of her and when she gives a slight opening I lay it in her mouth. "wasn't that yummy, we love porridge, don't we?" I say. It takes some time, and she doesn't eat much at once, but I don't mind. It's important to learn this skill so it takes the time it takes. After she has tried to eat actual food, I nurse her to make sure she is getting enough food., she doesn't eat enough actual food to count it as actual meals.

"Do you want to play some more while mommy eats? Doesn't that sound fun?" I say and hold her on my hip with one hand while I carry my lunch into the living room and set her down in her play pen again. I1m eating a packet of instant oatmeal and a banana as I don't exactly get much time to eat when I'm alone with her. I don't mind though, at least I get some food.

It's been hard to accept my post pregnancy body. My stomach has gone down but its wigglier than it was before pregnancy. It makes me really self-conscious when I see it in the mirror, but I guess that's how my body is going to look now. I'm not going to do what I used to do when I didn't like something about my body, exercise until I pass out and stop eating. That didn't do me any good and I can't let myself slip into that again. A lot of celebs do that, they force their body to look a certain way, but I know that it's not healthy. At least not healthy for me that have a history of an eating disorder.

For me it isn't possible to go on a diet because I know I will end up spiraling out of control. Besides, it would never be enough for me, I could never force my body to look a certain way because then I would find something else that would be wrong. Because if I forced my stomach to go back to what it was years and years ago it would also remove my ass, so that would be wrong. And it would make my boobs smaller which is also wrong in societies eyes. You can't force one part of your body to look a certain way while other parts staying the same, spot training isn't a real thing and I know that. And I sure as hell aren't getting surgery, that's not how I roll. I don't want my fans to think they have to force their bodies to look a certain way, it's not healthy for any of us. I want my fans to see that I look like a normal 31-year-old, I'm not forcing myself to look like a pre puberty teenager like I used to do years ago when I should have accepted that I was 25 years old and should have an adult body. It's not normal to be a size 00 or having to take in even that.

**

Today I'm taking Ellie to the park near the apartment, and I'm excited for that. We are only taking a walk but it's getting out of the house if nothing else. As it's so close I've decided to walk there instead of driving, its two minutes to walk so it's fine. Security is with us obviously, but we try to make it not stand out too much.