Peace - jaylor story (peace book 1)

new song

-taylors pov-

"What do you mean?" joe says confused, and I feel like I want to throw up again. "We... we will talk about this later joe" I say gently to him hoping that he will leave it alone for now. Part of me is mad that the doctor brought it up, but I guess she just assumed that he knew. In hindsight I should have known we weren't done talking about it earlier, but it still stings. 

We continue to talk about a few other aspects of the pregnancy, take some blood tests before we can leave. She tells us that light physical activity is perfectly okay and encouraged. Sex can continue as normal as long as it's comfortable for me. 

As we get into the car joe turns to me "so are you going to tell me what she was talking about? Have you.... have you been pregnant before?" he says and take my hand "you don't need to tell me now or why if you don't want to. What happened before we meet is none of my business but just know that im here to listen if you want to talk about it" he says, and I look out the window for a while before I say anything. 

"I.... I will tell you about it another day joe... I can't even think about it right now without going into another panic attack" I say and wipe away a tear that's threatening to fall. I thought I had left that part of my history buried in the past, but now it's made a reappearance. It's not that I want to hide it from joe but it's just hard to talk about when I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Not even my mom knows about it, only Selena and the father. 

Joe kisses my knuckles before he starts to drive. "that's perfectly fine Taylor. Im here when you're ready" he says and then the silence falls over us in the car. To try to suppress the panic inside of me I look down at the sonogram picture. I don't feel like im ready for this, but there isn't a way out either, not this time. In august there will be a tiny human im responsible for and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It's overwhelming to think about everything that needs to get done before that, that we make sure we have everything we need. There is the issue with the tour, how can I go on tour across the world when im about to have a baby. I also don't want the world to know, I really don't. 

Im pulled out of my train of thought with the mission I was determined to accomplish when we were out. "Joe, we need to go to whole foods" I state, and he looks over at me and furrow his eyebrows. "We just got groceries yesterday. What do we need?" 

I sigh dramatically "I need halo top red velvet ice-cream. Several tubs. It's really important actually" I can't believe I almost forgot that. It would have been a real disappointment to get home without it, I need it. It's probably the baby whose insisting, but I don't care, I need it. 

"Okay then" he chuckles and make a turn towards the local whole foods "i will run in and get it. And I will get the prenatal while we are out anyway" he says, and I nod in agreement. Forgot we needed that, but ice-cream is more important right now. "Whatever, I just need ice-cream" 

Joe runs into the store and get the stuff before we head home again. It's nice to walk back into the comfort of our house where we can be alone. Im not feeling too good, so I go lie down on the couch where Meredith jumps on me and lay on my chest. "what's up with you Meredith? You usually hate me. What have I done to deserve this" I ask her puzzled while I pet her soft fur. Meredith started just tolerating me a couple of years ago, she only likes joe now. 

I turn on the tv and see that their upping the rules for the lockdown, they're really trying to curb this virus before it takes too many lives. All concerts, events, weddings, parties and such are cancelled for at least six months. It makes me sad, because that means lover fest is canceled, or at least postponed. I've been looking forward to this since I first came up with the concept of doing festivals. It was the right decision to do it this way since I can't really be away for a year touring with my mom's health being what it is. My tour manager will probably reach out soon to discuss our options.