Peace - jaylor story (peace book 1)

smile

-taylors pov- 

I'm sitting nervously in my OB's office for my 6-week checkup after the birth. My body is thankfully feeling better, but it doesn't feel the same as it used to be. 

"hi Taylor, how are you?" she asks when she comes in "i'm okay" I tell her. We keep talking about how I'm doing with pain, breastfeeding, other womanly problems that often offers after birth. We also talk about the emotional side of it because last checkup three weeks ago I was struggling a lot but thankfully with taking some time every once in a while, has been really good for my mental health. 

"so, Taylor, if everything looks good, you're free to engage in any sexual activity you want. It may be uncomfortable or even painful at first but just know that's completely normal. Its Also completly normal for your breasts to leak. But we need to talk about if you're thinking you want to go back on some sort of birth control" she tells me, and I feel weird, but I keep those feelings to myself. "Okay, yeah, I think I want to go on the pill again... Will just make sure to actually take it every day this time" I say and chuckle. I was careless earlier with not taking it, but even though Ellie was an accident she is the best accident to ever happen to me, next to going from friends to lovers with joe. 

"Then we will put you in the pill, that's no problem." she reassures me and put an electronic prescription into her computer.

We move over to the bench, and she does an exam of both down there and my boobs to make sure everything is okay. At this point there are so many doctors and nurses that have seen my most intimate parts, and it still feels awkward. Like in the hospital when you give birth everyone has access to look at you and that makes me feel weird now, but in the moment, you really don't care about stuff like that. 

I'm thankful to walk back in the door at home and I'm meet with joe laying on the floor with Ellie I walk over and pick her up and twirl a little with her which in returns give me a smile "oh my god joe she is smiling" I gasp and smile big back at her. "She is smiling" 

Joe quickly gets up and sees to "hi little Ellie. Have you decided to smile now" and then the most precious little gurgle "I thought she wouldn't do that for a couple more weeks? Aren't it supposed to happen around 8 weeks?" I say and smile up at joe. "She is our little advanced 6-week-old aren't you little Ellie" he says and tickle her chin which make her smile again. 

"She sure are" I say and hold her close to my chest and she takes her hand and pull on the top of my shirt "someone want the boob don't they little miss Ellie" I say and smile at her before I sit down on the couch to feed her. She has become such a good eater and latches on quickly, which is a relief to me. Joe sits down next to me "daddy wonders when mommy will let him touch her boobies again. What did the doctor say?" he switches between talking to me and to Ellie. 

I take a deep breath "i'm cleared to do whatever... but I don't know if I'm ready yet sorry. She said that it might hurt, and my vagina is just starting to feel better so I'm not ready to mess with that again" I say and shoot him an apologetic look, but he shakes his head. "No worries Taylor, we do this at your pace. It's okay to not be ready, I can stick to cuddling" he says and wrap an arm around my shoulders while I sit with Ellie to my breast. I love my little family so much, there aren't any words to describe it to be honest. 

Yesterday I was away for a lot of the day too which I do feel guilty about, but I had to shoot a video for willow. Thankfully with the combination of the belly band and how the outfits hung on my body I think we got away without showing much. But my stomach has gone down a lot thankfully, if I don't wear something that fits tight you can't really see much. My stomach aren't flat, but I hasn't been in a long time anyway, I'm a woman not a coat hanger, I can't force my body to look like a pre puberty teenager, that's just not how it works. I used to do that, force my body to look a way it isn't supposed to look, but that didn't do me any good. And the fact that I'm using my body to feed my daughter helps me keep up my intake because I want her to get every nutrient she needs.