The Girl He Never Knew | SVT THE8

13 | no longer mine

#nowplaying

= No longer mine - Roy Kim =

💎💎💎

"I didn't like you for being a coward, you know?" My voice was soft and fragile towards the end. My genuine thoughts turned into a subtle confession somehow. I hope Myungho didn't notice it.

His lips parted but no words came out. I searched his eyes desperately for an answer and waited.

"I-I don't know," he stuttered to begin. "I'm struggling to make ends meet because our damn father gave up on us. I can't afford to think about anything else. I've already got Myunghee and she needs me too..."

"I'll help you," I said.

"No, you can't."

"I can, just let me-"

"-I said no." Myungho firmly insisted, without even hearing me out.

"Why not? I can take care of Myunghee while you study. If it's about the money, I can ask my dad for help and you can always pay us back-"

"I didn't get close to you for the money or for you to babysit my sister. Just leave me alone, will you?" Myungho let out a big sigh and messed up his hair. He was edgy at this point. "Just walk away from this like you've always done to others your whole life. Aren't you the best at that?"

That was a straight punch to my heart. I clenched my fists tightly, trying my best to look unhurt, but he really did me the worst.

We were still in Don Don Donburi and there was nowhere for me to run. With all my built-up emotions, tonight will be the first time I let it all out.

I leaned back in my chair, looking down on my food. "You're the one who asked me to tutor you. You asked for my help first, even when I said no. You're the one who came into my life, but now you've seen me for who I am, you don't like it?"

It's not as if I chose to live this way. I can't help obsessing over my anxiety. I can't help the wild thoughts that run through my head every time people approach me. For years I've coped by biting nails, digging into my skin, pulling hoodies over my head, and hiding in corners just to escape attention and people's judgments. For once I thought Myungho could understand that part of me.

"That's not what I mean," Myungho sighed again. He looked tired of our conversation, and I think I got the hint.

"Have I been too clingy? You just want me to walk away so you won't feel bad about yourself. Is that it?" I breathed in disbelief and resisted the tears from falling. I didn't want to look pathetic in front of him anymore.

"No, I'm sorry. That's not what I mean." He leaned forward, reaching for my arm but I kept my hands away.

"Don't worry, I'll do exactly that," I faked a smile while avoiding his eyes. "It's what I do best after all." Ending off with that, I rose up from my seat and walked out of Don Don Donburi.

"Yujin ah!" Myungho reached for my hand but I shook him off. I was disappointed and honestly ashamed of myself. For the person I am, and for the person he thinks I am. He didn't trust me to stay by his side to help him. I'm more like a burden to him.

Three steps out of Don Don Donburi, Myungho wrapped his arms around me from behind. I stopped, sucking in my breath and stayed really still.

His cheeks brushed against mine as he pressed his warm body against my back and I hate to say that I loved it...

"I don't mean that," he sighed, our faces side by side as he kept me in a back hug. "I'm sorry man."

I really wanted to turn around to hug him back, but that would hurt my ego.