Harper & Lee Plus Three

Day One

"Zophia, let's wake up," I said, gently shaking her.

She groaned and pulled the blanket over her head. I pulled it back down with my free hand. Hawk was in my other arm. I hadn't slept all night again. With five, soon to be six babies at home, it felt like I'd never sleep again.

Zozo groaned and got out of bed. I set Hawk down on her magenta area rug while I helped her get ready. I got her into some comfy grey leggings and a sweater with sparkly unicorns on it. I picked up Hawk and we were on our way downstairs. Zozo sat at her spot at the table.

I put Hawk into one of the swings and grabbed some apple juice from the fridge. Sophia was already here, on the couch feeding one of the babies. I could already hear crying coming from upstairs, but Lee had to get ready for work.

"Don't worry about it. Just get Zozo ready," Sophia said. "He's almost done eating anyway. I'll move on to the next one soon. A little crying won't kill them."

"Okay," I said, pouring the juice into a sippy cup that had butterflies on it. I brought it over to the table. "Here you go, Zozo."

"I'm hungry," she whined, pushing the cup away.

"I know, baby. You can eat after your surgery. You can only have the apple juice or water. Do you want water instead?" She shook her head. "Then drink your juice."

I sat down across from her and started sipping on a shake. "So remember, you can bring one toy with you. Do you know which one you want?"

 "I don't know," she said.

 "It's okay. We'll grab one before you leave," I said.

I knew Sophia didn't want me to help out, but I just had to. Three babies were crying upstairs. I got everyone's formula bottles mixed up so they'd be ready to go. Instead of doing my hair or changing out of my pajamas like I wanted to, I grabbed the baby who was screaming the loudest, which was Raven. She had the biggest pair of lungs I'd ever seen on a baby. I changed her diaper and got her downstairs so I could start feeding her.

I got one of the hands-free bottle holders off the counter and slung it over my shoulder, then attached the bottle so Raven could eat. I ran back upstairs and brushed my hair with my free hand, then put on some foundation. I was going to be twenty in a few months and I was still breaking out.

By the time Raven was done eating, it was time to take Zozo. I kissed Lee goodbye and hugged Sophia, then got Zozo out of the house. I stopped once we were halfway out the door.

"Oh no! We don't have a toy for you to bring!" I said to her.

"Wait, Mommy!" Ella said, running down the stairs.

She had a doll in her arms. It was the brand new Jett Ranger Star Wars doll she got yesterday as an early birthday present. (We had a small birthday party for the triplets because we didn't want Zozo to have to celebrate in the hospital.)

I watched as Ella gave the doll to Zozo and was legit about to cry.

"Ella, that's very, very sweet of you. Are you sure you want her to have your brand-new doll?" I asked her.

"Uh-huh. Jett will keep her safe," Ella said.

I gave her a kiss on the head. "Mommy is very proud of you. We'll be back later."

We drove to Hope Children's Hospital and parked our car in the parking garage. It was a freezing cold walk to the inside of the building.

"Remember, you have to be strong and brave," I said as we stood in line to check in. "Just like your Jett doll."

"Uh-huh," said Zozo.

Once we checked in, we were brought back to the pre-op area right away. The anesthesiologist got a mask put on Zozo, and she was out like a light. The nurses told me I could stay with her in the OR, but one: I was squeamish, and two: I actually had an important phone call I was waiting for.

I gave Zozo a kiss and went out to the waiting room, scrolling through my social media and updating Lee about how things were going. The call I was waiting for came in a few minutes later. I followed all the prompts and eventually was connected.

"Hey Mom," I said.

 "Uh-oh. You tired?" she asked.

I tried to hold back tears. "No...it's...it's so much worse than that."

"Oh no...her test results ain't good, were they?"

I tried to catch my breath. "Leukemia."

"What? No. No. It can't be."

"I'm at the hospital right now. She's in the OR getting a biopsy. They gotta take out some bone marrow so they can figure out what kind it is."    

"That poor baby. I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there to help."

"Just keep staying out of trouble in there. If you keep getting into fights and swiping other people's meds you'll just keep staying there longer."

"You've never been to prison. It's easier said than done, hun," she said. "But I haven't had any more days tacked on lately. I'm tryin'a be good so I can be home with my grandbabies."

"I know. I just wish you could leave now," I said.

"I'm counting down the days," she said.

"You have one minute left," said the automated voice on the call.

"Well, I think that's the cue for us to say goodbye for now," she said.

"Y-yeah," I said, wiping away my tears on my jacket.

"I'll talk to you soon, Harper. I love you. Put some more money on my books so we can talk more, okay?"

"I will. Love you too, Mom," I said, hanging up.

I sat there for a while, looking through my phone and waiting for my next phone call. Lee arranged for Phoenix to be transferred to the NICU here so both of our kids would be staying in the same hospital. I was supposed to get the call when he was all settled in here.

"Harper, for Zophia?"

I looked up and waved to the nurse. "Over here."

She walked over. "She did really well. We've got her moved over to recovery. Once she's feeling good, we'll move her over to a room on the long term floor. You can follow me back."

"Great," I said.

She walked me through a series of doors and hallways until I was brought into a bright room with a bunch of other kids and parents, each bed separated by curtains. Zozo was in the very last bed at the end. They had her propped up on her side. 

"Mommy!" she said when she saw me.

"Zozo! There's my big brave girl!" I said, giving her a hug and a big kiss. "Mommy is so so proud of you! Does your back hurt at all?"

"A little," she said.

"It's okay. You'll have to have lots of owies from now on, but it's so you can get better," I said to her.

"Uh-huh," she said.

I took a relieved breath knowing that she was in such good spirits. We'd made it through her first procedure on day one, but I knew there'd be many, many more from then on.