Finding Tine Teepakorn

Chapter 31: Help me hold onto you

Sarawat's POV

Tine quietly placed the sunflowers on Ohm's grave. I took a few steps back, letting him have his space. It was almost evening, the setting sun's light was falling on us and it felt oddly warm even on this summer day.

"I have been coming here actually — every Friday since you decided to disappear," I said.

"You have?" Tine asked. His back was still on me as he was staring at Ohm's grave. I couldn't see his face but I could hear the melancholy in his voice.

"Yeah." I replied. "The first few times, I only came here, hoping I would see you here. I thought you wouldn't abandon Ohm, at least not like you left me."

"I didn't leave you Wat, I had to leave for a little while till--"

"Then.. I started coming here every week. It felt nice. I never knew graveyards could be this quiet and peaceful."

"I think you would have a serious problem on your hands if the graveyard wasn't quiet." Tine chuckled but I could still feel the sadness hovering over him. "But you shouldn't have come here that often, Wat."

"Why not? You used to come here all the time."

"You know, in the last few months, I realised something. I wasn't coming here every week to meet Ohm or to remember him, I was coming here because I wanted to hold on to the past. Because I wanted to make sure I never forgot what happened. But in holding on to the past, I ended up destroying my present, and may be even a part of my future." He took a deep breath. "Ohm is already gone, nothing I do will bring him back."

"I saw what happened to Ohm... It was on the news."

Tine didn't answer and we fell into silence again. He was staring at Ohm's tombstone for a long time, until he finally sat down on the ground, leaning his back on the grave and his eyes right on me.

"Sit down with me, will you?" Tine patted the grass beside him.

"Here?"

"Why not?"

I huffed and sat down next to him on the ground. Our knees touching together.

"Ask all the questions you have, Wat. I promise I'll answer them honestly. Tell you at least as much as I can. You know I wouldn't lie to you — not here."

I closed my eyes. There were a million things in my head and I didn't know where to start.

"Did you break up with me in college because of what happened to Ohm?"

"Yes," Tine answered in a calm voice.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Tine? We could have done something about it — together."

"I was scared." He whispered. "My best friend had just been murdered. I didn't know what else would happen to people around me. So, I got Fong fired from the law firm intentionally, stopped talking to my family, and... I left you."

"Have you talked to them since you came back? Your parents? Fong?"

"No. I don't know how to. I think they hate me at this point."

"They don't hate you, Tine. Trust me, they don't. I met Fong last month. He was asking me about you. He told me your parents were worried as well. You usually sent them some money every month, which stopped coming about three months ago — They never used the money you sent, but they also knew it was very unlike you to just stop like that. And then, of course, they all saw the news about Ohm.

Fong knows you got him the new job after he was fired. He also knows you disappeared after resigning. I am not sure if he told your parents that, but he was worried about you — everyone was."