Maya (Book #3)

Chapter 14

The movie started and within seconds I was trying to hide my eyes and look out at the same time. The clown in the film was utterly terrifying but I comforted myself by pretending he had good motivations. Maybe he wanted to help all the kids and make them happy, he was just very bad at it.

After the terrifying first scene, I relished in the happy moments where we were introduced to the characters and the plot. The scenes in horror movies where people were doing well and talking to friends were always my favorite. 

 "This movie is really well cast," I whispered to Asher, who nodded. His gray eyes were fixed on the screen and his lips were parted slightly. I wished I was able to lean over and kiss him, but I assumed that wouldn't go well considering the last time we kissed in this house.

I turned back to the screen which was now introducing us to the character named Beverly, who had beautiful red hair and a personality I wished I could emulate. Unfortunately, as the movie went on, I recognized an obvious connection between Bev and me. While the clown was the obvious villain, there was another lecherous character that occasionally appeared on-screen in the form of Beverly's dad. I could tell from the second he was introduced that he was abusive.

I realized a while ago that what I experienced had given me a skill. Whether it was the ability to pick up on micro-expressions on a person's face or just an innate feeling of understanding, I could tell immediately when characters had faced abuse. If they were playing the role well, it was in every movement and expression, every word and inhalation. I wondered if it was just as prevalent in me. 

The movie went on with me taking deep breaths and trying not to notice the obvious

similarities between her father and my uncle. I despised the way Bev's feelings were amplified in me, and the pain I could feel between my legs when he approached her in the movie. I ignored it and turned to the side subtly so that I was watching the red wall of the room and not the screen as these scenes appeared. I didn't close my ears or eyes, I just tried to let go of the feelings and not stay present.

It was surprisingly hard to do with a boy I liked beside me. I could feel the warmth of his body and the pressure of his hand on my thigh. I was grounded, trying to float away but entirely unable. The scenes built and I tried to prepare for the worst. 

Near the end of the film, the moment I had been waiting for arrived. Her dad attacked her, and she managed to escape and hurt him, but it didn't matter because I was already unraveling. I pulled away from Asher whose hands and fingers now felt like threats and jumped onto Dominic's lap.

He turned his body to shield me from Asher as I began to break down. He quickly stood and brought me out of the room and up to my bedroom. He set me on the bed and took a step back, holding his hands up to show that he isn't a danger to me. I felt physical pain in my body as I remembered where it hurt and the fear I used to feel made my crying grow stronger. I realized the gasping sound I heard was me,struggling for air as I drowned in my own panic.

"It's okay, it's not real," Dominic whispered, letting me cry. I sobbed and shook and grabbed the blankets, letting out all the pain I felt because it is real. It isn't real for Beverly Marsh but it's real for me and plenty of other little girls and boys who can't escape.

And she didn't win, no matter what happened in the end. There is no winning with abuse.

"I'll tell Asher it's time to go," he says, walking out of the room and closing the door behind me as I continue to cry into my pillow.

All I wanted was a normal night with a normal boy on a normal date.

I pictured my uncle's face and screamed into the pillow, punching it repeatedly as I try to expel the venomous anger burning inside me.

You did this to me, I think. If only you could see what you created.  

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A/N:  Out of curiosity, what do you guys think of stuff like this? Dark chapters. Whether you've experienced abuse or not, what are your thoughts?