Oh. My. Fate?! (Bl, Volume 10, Part 1)

35 Feeling Torn

Back in the dragon king's throne room, there was an awkward silence. Even though they had unwittingly started to talk about things, that didn't mean that either of them had an idea on how to go forward.

No, rather than that, they both wished that they could just not have this conversation and pretend that nothing had ever happened and go back to how things had been originally. Unfortunately, they couldn't change what had happened. They also couldn't change their respective feelings about it.

Jing Yi furrowed his brows before he finally looked back up at Qiu Ling. "I shouldn't have done it. And I'm saying this not because I feel sorry for him but because I didn't want to hurt you."

Qiu Ling kept quiet for a moment. He had no trouble understanding just what Jing Yi meant: If not for him, then he wouldn't regret it even if he had managed to kill Jing He. That was the truth that he would have to live with. The question was whether he could. Anyway, the following conversation would show that.

He waved toward him and then went to sit down, not on the throne but on one of the other chairs. He didn't want to do this as king. He just wanted to have an honest conversation with his lover.

Jing Yi hesitated but then did walk over and sat down opposite him, his gaze almost as if he was daring him to say something against his confession just now. He originally hadn't wanted to have this conversation but since they were already there, he might as well be honest. It remained to be seen if his lover would appreciate that.

Qiu Ling just sat there in silence for a few more moments before he sighed. "I know that you hate him. If it was only you, you wouldn't mind if he died. And if I try to look at this from your perspective, I guess I can understand that. But you fail to realize that none of this is in Jing He. If you want to hate somebody, it should he Tian for instating the trials in the first place, the Heavenly Emperor for sending his son down there, me for messing up the trial and changing your life, or maybe the God of Justice since he is intent on enforcing the laws on you. You can blame all of us. But what has Jing He done to you?"

"Well, he had kind of taken over my life."

"Has he though? Because last thing I remember, he was unconscious and wouldn't regain his consciousness until he gets back his soul which is currently residing in you. So if anything, then you are the one having taken over his life. But I don't think that Jing He would hate you for that."

At that, Jing Yi couldn't help but clench his fists. Yes, of course, in Qiu Ling's eyes, Jing He would never be at fault. There was never be able to do anything wrong. That was just the way Qiu Ling saw him.

"Yes, he didn't consciously do anything to me. It's not like he woke up and decided to ruin my life. That's the problem though, isn't it? His very existence is doing this to me. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if he really was able to wake up."

"And you don't need to because he can't. There's no way to have a trueborn god and their reincarnated self awake at the same time. And even if there was, nobody would propose that because that would make things even worse."

Jing Yi stared at him in return, not sure how to react to that. He felt guilty but also incredibly angry about this whole situation. He didn't know how to deal with it.

Right now, hearing how Qiu Ling was once again defending Jing He, anger was probably what he felt more. "Would it really make it worse? I believe things would be quite a bit easier for everyone but me once again. The Nine Heavens would have their crown prince back, the Heavenly Emperor and Heavenly Empress their son, and you ... you'd have your lover back. Wouldn't you be happy about that?"

Qiu Ling lowered his head, not feeling much different from Jing Yi. He was also torn. Would he like to have Jing He back? But of course! He had spent ten years with him and even though that couldn't compare to the thousand years that he had had with Jing Yi, that didn't mean that he didn't treasure that time.

In his heart, Jing He would always be a special existence. And he was so in a way that Jing Yi could never be. This was probably what humans meant when they talked about their first love being unforgettable. As a dragon, he couldn't experience something like that. But he could very well experience what happened if you took one soul and put it in another reincarnation. It was indeed different.

"You know, no matter what is between Jing He and me, there is also something between you and me. And even if Jing He were to wake up, it isn't like I would just forget about you. So yes, having both of you awake at the same time would definitely make things more difficult for me.

"You know, this isn't a decision I want to make. It is difficult enough now that Jing He isn't here but having him in the equation as well, that isn't something I think would work too well. So, no, I don't hope for that. I just hope that we can find some kind of solution for this whole matter that won't be a problem for either of you two. That is what I hope for.

"If that solution means letting you live out your life until the last day naturally comes, then I will welcome that as well. It will be difficult for the Nine Heavens to deal with it but there will be options. There's always a way.

"And no, I would not stand for either of you to be killed. That goes for you the same way it does for Jing He. So promise me that you will never try something like this again."