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"here we are" he said pulling up in front of my crib
"yeah" i nodded
"so.."
this past week has been very interesting to say the least. we never went further than him jerking me, but we did kiss more. cuddle at night and shit. be happy. i can honestly say the shit was starting to feel normal—which honestly lowkey scares me. of course i'm not at the point where we take it further but i'm more opened minded to it now.
"so" i repeated
"we kinda said we'd decide how we move forward when we got back"
"we did" i nodded
"so..what are you thinking?"
"i'm thinking..i don't know what i'm thinking. i'm finally being open to us, admitting to myself what i'm feeling towards you and shit. but now there's niggas tryna get revenge on you for shit you did but won't tell me about, which kinda makes me wanna stay away. it's the only logical thing to do, except it probably wouldn't change much. like you said they're gonna use me to get to you regardless"
he remained silent, looking out the window at my house. i could tell that my mom was home since her car was parked in the driveway and the lights were on inside.
"at the same time i can't ignore the shit either. for one i need to know what you did. i'm already on the fence knowing you beat up your ex nigga, but if what you did to the other one was worse then i can't even—"
"i never did that to jaleal" he said cutting me off "well, it was more so mutual, we fought but it was fair. i told you, what happened with kash was a one time thing and it'll never happen again. ion do that hitting shit. watched my dad do it to my mom for years. even though he not a girl what i did was wrong, and i admit that. i've apologized to him multiple times but he's not hearing it, not that he's required to. but still. i know what i did was wrong and it won't happen again, so don't let that be a thing..please"
"okay, but that wasn't really my point. you said what jaleal knows could end you. if that's the case then it must be worse than kash and—"
"i'm not telling you. i can't, it would probably make you look at me differently. not without full context and right now is just not the time. you'll hear about it soon enough and then i'll explain"
"okay. then can you tell me what it is you did that made him hate you so much to want to do all this?"
silence.
"stay safe" i said as i opened the door about to step out
"i turned him" he said just before my feet could touch the pavement
"okay.." i said expecting more than that
"jaleal was my roommate in college. he was straight when we met, except we always had these moments. he didn't think anything of it yet i felt it was more than just friendship. we had a connection, i could sense it. i brought it up to him one night and of course he denied it. he went on to say he had nothing against people like me but just didn't rock that way. but of course i didn't believe that. so i kept flirting with him and shit until eventually one night we got drunk and he was with it. in hindsight i know doing anything with him in that state of mind was not ideal. but all things considered i was drunk too. in fact he got me drunk, and he made the first move. he made all the moves actually.
