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Chapter 38 - On The Right Side Of The Wrong Bed

A/N - Okay, guys! Sorry, late, I know, but update! And hopefully one that will make everyone hopeful for the future!

I should be studying for exams right now, but instead I did this, which is why I'm rushing this author's note, soo yeah, pray I don't fail.

Also, I'm 18 now! Yay! Legal adult! And also, boo, legal adult..

And did you guys hear about Zayn? I'm a Directioner, so these are tough times guys. Tough times. Keep him and the rest of 1D in your prayers!

Anyway, rough and unedited, song on the side is Drunk by Ed Sheeran, please please please comment and vote letting me know what you think, and again, love you guys!

P.S. - Seriously guys, really rough and unedited... I hope it doesn't suck..

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"Well, that was without a doubt, the most difficult exam I have ever taken." I say, picking up a rag and starting to wipe down the chalkboards.

"Yeah, well, at least it's finally the weekend. And just think, in a few days we'll be seniors." Sean replies happily as he sweeps the floor.

Today is the last Friday of the school year, and next week we only have a few more days left, then, like Sean said, we'll be seniors.

On paper at least. We've still got a whole summer in front of us before we officially assume that role.

Summer.

I know, I know, I should be excited or happy, but I'm just... okay, I guess. I don't really know.

Over the past few weeks, I've felt myself changing I don't smile the same, or talk the same. I don't even laugh the same anymore. I don't know, I just feel so.. empty.

You see, after a breakup, there comes a certain point where you stop blaming them, and start to blame yourself. I'm the reason why he did what he did. I must not be good enough, I must not be pretty enough, I must not have been smart enough. Something. It must've been something. It was my fault.

My friends, Zack, Jay, Rose, Dejay... none of them know that I'm still this bad off. And I don't want them to know. I can't take that look from them anymore. That pity. If I see that on their faces every time I turn around, it will only make all of this more real. And right now, reality is the last thing I need.

Being around others can sometimes help to keep my mind away from the crushing self-doubt, but other times, I just feel so sad. I can be with people, talking, "laughing," "smiling," but at the same time, it almost feels like I'm not there. I'm with him.

I keep dazing in and out of conversations, I can't focus on a single thing, and once I'm by myself, I just feel sad and...alone. And it's not a normal loneliness. It's a loneliness so deep that my chest aches, but being around other people just makes me feel suffocated because none of them are him.

I don't even really like to sleep anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see his.

I mean, it's not really much of a surprise right? Once you love something, and I mean really love something, you always love it. It's a part of you. For good.

This just isn't how I expected to be ending my junior year. Heartbroken.

I've been spending too much of my time that way this year.

Never again.

"Yeah I guess... But did you have to offer to clean the classroom? That's such a kiss-up move." I say back over my shoulder.