Mcyt angst

To My Son

For backstory, Phil writes letters for loved ones after they have passed away.
This one is for Wilbur.

Wil,
I burried you today, I was the only one there, I did see a couple of people near by, paying their respects but the whole idea of burying you didn't feel real. It's been about a week since it all happened, and it's pretty crazy out there Wil, I think you would like it as I know how much you craved the chaos, its probably why you even pressed the button in the first place, why any of this had to happen even the reason your no longer here with us today.

It's been a few days maybe even weeks since I started writing this...time seemed to have stopped. I know its been a while since you've passed and I guess it just hasn't sunk it that your really gone, I've been putting off writing your letter as it doesn't seem like it should even be real at this point. You of all people should have been the last to go, you were my little boy, so strong, so... so.. powerful in everything you did, not letting anyone get in your way. I mean you led a nation which is something I could never have done in all my years in this world. You showed me how to live, how to become something so wonderful out of nothing and fight for what is right even if it takes your whole lifetime to do it. I know that even in your days of madness you knew that at the end of the day it would be for good, pressing that button caused a world of terror but you knew that didn't you, yet you also knew that if you led your nation further so much worse would have come from it.
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore buddy, the days feel longer and more lonely without you. I've been going out on walks to free my head, it seems that people miss you, Tommy hasn't said a word since you've been gone and we all know that's unusual for him, it's clear he misses you Wil.. we all do. Many of us have gone away, even techno has retired it feels weird without you telling people what do or making us laugh, the land feels lost without you and in many ways its because of me.
I'm so sorry Wil... For all the pain I've caused you and the others, it hurts to not be able to ask you if your okay. Just knowing that I will never hear your voice again or never hear your laugh is so painful for a father and for all your friends around you too. Even fundy hasn't showed his face around lmanburg in a while. I know you weren't the best father towards him but I think he appreciated that you cared, he needs comfort right now more than ever but I'm not the right person to help him, he blames me and I completely understand why, I just wish it didn't have to be like this. I did it for you I did it for lmanburg I did it for the greater good even if it seemed so bad.
I just want you to know that I love you Wil, more than I ever thought I could and I miss you every day.. we all miss you.
Maybe one day you can come back to us.. Who knows the powers dream holds, someday you'll become an even greater man than before I just hope it will be sometime sooner than later.
Even if I never get to tell you how much I care and get to hug you once more just know that I love you with my full heart and you'll always be my little boy...

Love Phil