A Season of Firsts

Chapter 23

The crisp mountain air fills my nostrils as I take it in with deep breaths. I came up here trying to escape the aching emptiness that has filled my chest since Rory walked out yesterday.

Hallie and Chase found me sobbing on the floor, and they knelt down beside me and held me until the tears paused and my breathing evened out. I couldn't bring myself to explain that I'd just lost the first boy I've ever really loved, so I shut myself in my room, ignoring their attempts to get me to come out and talk to them, or even eat something. The nausea wasn't going to allow for that. They even sunk to contacting Cara, because my phone buzzed continuously throughout the day with her messages, asking me to call her. I didn't. Or rather, I couldn't.

It's Christmas Eve, so the slopes are busy, but I went to the furthest I could find from the main thoroughfare so that I could have some time to myself. I look down the mountain toward the resort and wonder where he is right now, if he's thinking about me. My phone buzzes and I jump, hoping like a fool that it's him. I whip it out of my inner coat pocket, and my heart drops when I see that it's not. But it's not too far off.

Mabel

Are you ok? Rory told me what happened, but I don't know how much of his version to believe

Adelaide

Hey

Not really, but what he is saying is true. I made a stupid mistake

She takes a while to reply after that, and I only see her next message when I'm taking a break after I have snowboarded halfway down the mountain, settling into the groove of not having to think about anything but the snow beneath my feet and the breath-taking scenery surrounding me.

Mabel

Are you sorry?

Adelaide

I've never been sorrier for anything in my life

It sounds dramatic, but it's true. Nothing I've ever done has ever had such heart-wrenching consequences.

Mabel

Then I forgive you, and I'm sure Rory will see your mistake for what it was when he's calmed down

Adelaide

I don't want to cause any tension between you two, I've already done enough damage

My phone buzzes in my hand a few seconds after I send that message, and I pick it up on the first ring.

"You are not going to cause any tension between us. We've been through worse – I think you're forgetting that I grew up with the boy. Do you know how many times he drove me to physical violence with his stupidity?"

I have to laugh, because I can picture it so easily, but then I sober when I say, "But he might feel like you're taking my side."

"I'm not taking anyone's side, and I'll tell him that. I don't know everything that has gone on between you two, but I do know you made a mistake, you've owned up to it and you're sorry. I believe in second chances, and somehow I doubt it would ever happen again."

"It wouldn't, ever. I would never do anything to sabotage us again."

"That's what I thought," she pauses, satisfied, before switching to a cheerier topic, "are you prepped for Christmas?"

"To be honest, I haven't even thought about it. I'm letting Hallie take the reins with the food, plus I'm working the dinner shift at the hotel."

"That sucks. Next Christmas, you can come to my house in the city. We go big."

"I can imagine," I muster a smile even though she can't see it through the phone.

"Rory has your present from me, but you might have to wait until I come over to the resort again to get it."

I can't last two seconds without him being on my mind. "Do you think he'll forgive me?" I ask his twin, the person most likely to be able to predict his behaviour.

"I don't know. I shouldn't be telling you this, but he's been burned by a girl before, several times, but he kept going back. He said he would never make that mistake again, but I really hope he changes his mind."

"So do I," I whisper down the line.

"Do you love him, Addy?" she asks tentatively, almost like she's scared of my answer.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Good, because his ex never did, and that's the difference between then and now."

"I hope he sees that."

"So do I."

"Thank you Mabel, I don't deserve you as a friend."

"Yes, you do, everyone deserves good friends. Have an amazing Christmas, I'll see you at New Year, and you better be ready to party your ass off. I think you'll need it."

I laugh half-heartedly, because I can't imagine having fun right now, and say "Merry Christmas, Mabel," before I hang up.

When I walk through the apartment door, exhausted after pushing myself hard on the slopes, I'm greeted by the mouth-watering smell of freshly baked gingerbread.

"Hey," Hallie says from the kitchen, an apron wrapped around her waist and a plate piled high with cookies in hand. "Want to decorate some gingerbread men?"

I strip my outside layers off, hanging my things up on the hook by the door, and go to join her in the kitchen. "I would like nothing more," I say, smiling at how well she knows me.

"On second thoughts, you can go and shower and put some Christmas PJs on, then we can decorate. You stink," she half jokes, wafting her hand in front of her face and pushing me away from her.

"It's a good job I'm not sensitive!" I scoff.

"Yeah, yeah, hurry up or these will all be gone before you get back!"

With that, I hop up the steps to the bathroom at the end of the hallway and quickly strip off to get in the shower. When the water is running and the mirror is steaming up, I stare at the reflection looking back at me. Silent moments alone like this are what I have been trying to avoid; to avoid thinking about what I've lost. Tears start to pool in my eyes and my bare shoulders shake silently with raw emotion. How did I get here? Things were going so well, and I just had to go and fuck them all up.

I let a few tears fall before I remember that Hallie is waiting and step into the cubicle, where they blend with the water streaming down my body.

My eyes are red-rimmed and puffy when I'm finished in the bathroom, so I know Hallie will be able to tell that I've been crying, but I don't have the energy to hide my emotions like I have been doing all day.

She's sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a fluffy blanket and flicking through Netflix when I enter the living room, but she looks up when she hears me, and immediately jumps up to come and give me a hug. "Are you okay?" she asks as her arms wrap around my shoulders.

I don't know what it is about that question, but if I'm ever on the brink of tears and someone asks me if I'm okay, there's no stopping them from breaking to the surface.

I let a few sobs break free, and she comforts me, rubbing circles on my back with her hand.

"Okay, I'm good now" I say when my breathing evens out, "Let's decorate some cookies."

"I was going to put The Grinch on, I didn't think you'd be in the mood for a cheesy Christmas romance," Hallie says as she reaches for the TV remote.

"You thought correctly, my friend. The Grinch is perfect - stick it on."

She comes over to join me at the kitchen counter, and I think I might as well get this chat over with now, because I know she won't let me go to sleep without some answers.

"Mabel called me earlier," I sigh.