I'm With You

24

TW's:
-Tube feeding
-Lots of mentions eating disorder

Clay's POV

I was laying down in a hospital bed with an IV in my hand and a tube in my nose. They asked me if I was going to eat myself and I told them I wasn't going to, so they gave me a tube to force food into my body.

I was really panicky since I didn't know what it included and I was sure this was way too unhealthy to eat. I didn't even care about being malnourished and missing a lot of necessary things, not even after I passed out.

George was laying down next to me while having a bad tic attack and I tried calming him down, but he was mostly really sad about everything that was going on.

'Clay?' he whispered with a soft voice crack.

'Yes?' I responded as I kissed his cheek.

'Do you want to recover? I love you, but I'm already losing you like this.'

I sighed softly. 'I don't know what to recover from, there's nothing wrong.'

'Clay, you have an eating disorder.'

'No, I don't,' I muttered. 'I don't have anorexia or whatever.'

'No, but anorexia isn't the only eating disorder. A paramedic explained to me that you have orthorexia nervosa.'

'I have no idea what that is.'

George grabbed his phone, but threw it on the bed. I kissed his face softly so he could calm down and he grabbed it again, looking it up so I could read about it.

I started reading and halfway I nodded slowly. 'I didn't know that was an eating disorder,' I muttered.

'But it is, they drew some blood and they suspect you have extremely low blood values.'

'But I don't want this tube feeding,' I muttered, looking at the pole where a bag of liquid food was hanging down from.

'Then you will have to eat normally again,' George said softly, he seemed scared that I would get mad at what he said. 'And exercise less.'

I looked at him with a sad face and sighed. 'It's because of what's happening at home,' I whispered.

'Do you want to tell me about it?'

I nodded slowly and sighed again. 'My mother has always forced me to eat very healthy since I was born actually. I've never eaten fries or a hamburger or whatever. Because my parents argued all the time, I guess I started looking for control and I could control it when I ate "healthy".'

George nodded and listened carefully as I ran my hand through his hair.

'To escape all the fights at home, I started going to the gym to forget about my feelings. Once I felt like having control over that too, it started escalating again. It got something I HAD to do and not something I did for fun.'

I sighed deeply as he was the first person I ever told this to.

'My mother is drunk every day and she gets abusive sometimes. She doesn't really hurt me, but mostly my dad. She hurts me emotionally, calling me a failure every day. Sometimes I thought I would make her proud when I ate very healthily, but I was even a worse disappointment in her eyes.'

George barely had any tics as he listened in silence to me telling my story. I kissed his hair and continued.

'I just always act like it doesn't affect me, but I'm crying a lot when I'm alone. My dad got fired due to alcoholism and he might be sober again, but I'm always scared that he will abandon me too and start drinking again.'

A tear rolled down my face and I sobbed softly.

'My dad tries to act really sweet to me so I forgive him for what he has done, but I guess I haven't forgiven him. I don't even want to call him now I'm in the hospital, I'm just too scared that I will disappoint him. Maybe I have forgiven him, but I'm just too scared for it all to happen again.'

'If it happens again, my parents will make a spare room for you.'

'I don't even know how he will reply when he figures out I'm gay. I'm such a disappointment,' I whispered as I bursted into tears.

'You're not a disappointment, Clay. You've done nothing wrong.'

'I have done everything wrong,' I whispered. 'I'm the opposite of their perfect child. I have countless of problems, I'm gay and my grades aren't the greatest.'

'I'm sorry to say, but those problems are their own faults. If they had just acted like real parents, these things wouldn't even exist.'

'I'm scared,' I whispered, hiding my face in George's hoodie. 'I'm really scared.'

'For what?'

'That my mother will-.' I stopped myself and sobbed loudly.

'That she will do what, Clay?'

'Kill us,' I whispered. 'She throws bottles at us. What if it hits my dad or me and we die?'

'I'm going to let my parents prepare a spare room for you to stay in until it's solved at home.'

'It won't be solved,' I whispered. 'It never will. It's an endless circle of fights.'

'Then you stay with me forever.'

'George, I hate going to school. Everyone is constantly calling it a shame that I'm gay as the popular and handsome guy and I'm so sick of it. I don't want to be seen as that popular gay guy, I want to be Clay.'

'Then we are going to the principal and let him solve this,' George said, kissing my cheek. 'You aren't that gay guy to me. You're Clay to me, you're my boyfriend to me and the most beautiful person in the world.'

'Do you mean that? Do I need to gain weight for you to like me more? Or maybe lose weight?'

'I wouldn't like you more if you gained or lost weight, but I do encourage you to get a little more healthier than you are now. However, I don't like you less because you're not as healthy now.'

'Thank you,' I muttered as I softly kissed his lips. George kissed me back and we kissed just as long as it took for the door to open and Sapnap to run in.

1036 words