I'm With You

6

TW's:
-Eating disorder behaviour (passing out)

Clay's POV

It was the break and Sapnap and I were walking to the spot we usually sat at. I sat down on my chair, opening my lunch box as I saw the egg. It felt too unhealthy, what if they did add stuff to it?

I started rolling the egg around as I saw Sapnap look at me. 'Are you going to eat it instead of rolling it around?'

'I don't think so,' I muttered as I closed my lunch box.

'Are you not eating anything?'

'It seems way too unhealthy.'

'You only have fruits and an egg, Clay. How is that anything close to unhealthy?'

I ignored him since I really didn't feel well. I leaned my back against the wall as I stared in front of me, suddenly feeling really warm.

'Clay? Are you okay?'

I had trouble keeping my eyes open and the world seemed slow in front of me. I started breathing faster and then my eyes rolled away. My head fell forwards against my chest and before I knew it, I woke up against Sapnap's shoulder.

'Clay, oh my goodness,' Sapnap yelled when I woke up. 'Are you okay?'

'What just happened?' I muttered as I looked around me, noticing I was at school.

'I think you just passed out. Did you eat this morning?'

'I had an apple,' I muttered as I stared down at my hands. 'I'm really tired.'

'Maybe it's best if you go home,' Sapnap stated. He looked at me and nodded his head. 'You're really pale. What did you eat yesterday?'

I shrugged and looked up at the chair in front of me. 'Three apples, one banana, I had three nuts and beans. Oh, and I ate a carrot, I don't remember the rest.'

'Is that everything? You need something with sugar and fat.'

I shrugged. 'I barely eat carbs, I only eat the carbs in fruits.'

'Why do you not eat carbs?'

'I'm following a gluten, dairy and carb free diet where I only eat vegan or organic foods.'

'That's so unhealthy, carbs aren't here for nothing. At least eat this egg, that's good for when you exercise.'

'But what if it's too unhealthy?'

'Clay, do you have an eating disorder?'

'No? What eating disorder would I have? I don't want to lose weight, I just want to eat healthy.'

'This isn't healthy and this is an obsession.'

'I wouldn't know what eating disorder I would ever have, so no. I don't have an eating disorder.'

Sapnap sighed softly and handed me the egg he had just peeled the skin off. I sighed and took a little bite, leaving the yellow in the egg. I found that too unhealthy.

'You can eat it,' I muttered, but Sapnap shook his head.

'I'm not going to, Clay. You just passed out, you need food. You need sugar, I'm going to ask if I can make coffee with sugar.'

'No, I don't want that. Stop.'

'Why wouldn't you want to feel better?'

'I don't eat carbs,' I muttered as I let myself slid down my chair and close my eyes. 'I think I'm going home, I don't feel well.'

Sapnap nodded and just at that moment the bell rang. 'Should I walk with you to the exit? Are you okay?'

'I can walk on my own, go to class.'

'If you're sure,' Sapnap said quietly.

I nodded. 'I'm fine.'

Sapnap nodded slowly, but left it like that. He turned around after saying goodbye and walked to his next class. I was feeling really guilty about the egg I just ate, what if it wasn't organic and I got terribly sick?

I sighed and stood up, immediately getting really light headed again. I started walking as slowly as I could and ended up grabbing my locker tightly so I wouldn't fall. I was constantly feeling my body get really numb, then I shook myself back to reality and looked in my locker again.

After a while, I heard a girl come up to me. It was one of the girls who had liked me for a while and also asked me out. I felt really bad for rejecting her, but I would only break her heart more if I lied about liking her.

'Hi, Clay,' the girl said. 'I'm not trying to do anything like last time, I wanted to ask if you're okay.'

I looked down at her and nodded slowly. 'I'm fine, thanks for asking.'

'I uh- I have to tell you something. I heard you and Sapnap talking this morning about sexuality and I felt very bad for assuming you're straight.'

I nodded slowly, feeling a bit uncomfortable and unknowing what to say.

'Sorry, I overthink a lot,' the girl said as she looked down at her hands.

I smiled and laid my hand down on her shoulder. 'It's fine, don't worry about it. I just don't like speaking about my sexuality.'

'No, that's fine. I just wanted to say sorry for assuming if it seemed like that.'

I started observing the girl in front of me, but I really didn't feel anything for her. I could have been asexual or aromantic. Or gay? It was so confusing and it stressed me out a lot. Did I feel attraction to boys? Most boys in my school were idiots, I wasn't attracted to them.

'Are you okay? What are you thinking of?' the girl asked, but I barely realised what she said.

'Boys?' I muttered with a questioning tone of voice.

'Oh- uh- I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable when you like boys.'

'I don't like boys, can we stop talking about my sexuality?'

'I'm sorry, I wanted to say sorry for assuming. Forgive me.'

'It's fine,' I said with a smile. The girl was pretty sweet, though I only had friendly feelings for her.

'I'm going to sound like an absolute dick, but what's your name actually?' I said as I bit my lip awkwardly.

'Niki,' the girl said.

I smiled. 'Okay, I'll remember that. I'm going home now, I don't feel well.'

I wasn't going home, I hated going home so instead I went to the gym again. It was one pm currently so I would have two hours longer than usual to exercise.

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