The Romance In Our Rivalry

48 | Change Isn't Always Bad

Nova

Aubrey had been absent for nearly two weeks, and speculation went around like crazy. Some people thought she died, others thought she moved away, and someone claimed that a Nigerian prince kidnapped her at a California airport.

I found myself thinking about her often, although when I did, I quickly thought about something nasty so that a thought as beautiful as Aubrey would go away. I could never associate "Aubrey" with "nasty".

First period was like any other awkward first period class now. Nick would sit next to me, talk to the guy in front of him loudly and say obvious lies about how he fucks oh so many bitches. I'd stay on my phone or keep my head down, because I didn't exactly have Lewis anymore. He "cut me off" after I bailed out on the whole threesome idea with him and Aubrey.

Hailey had a somewhat boy toy, her secret Santa was bold enough to finally admit he had feelings for her. His name was Zachary, and despite the caucasity in his name, he was actually Hispanic.

Hailey had been a good friend though, and even with her forming man by her side, she still was. She still walked home with me, met up with me at locker period, and gave me advice when needed. We linked out of school whenever we could. I feel bad for her at times, it's probably a work load being my friend.

"Sorry I'm late" a platinum, beachy blonde haired girl said walking in. She was super pretty, but kind of looked like a bitch. She did a quick hair flip and when she did, I literally covered my mouth with my hands.

Aubrey?

She and I locked eyes for a hot minute, but I shyly broke contact. Blonde Aubrey was intimidating, and just super fucking hot. I mean, she was never ugly, but now she looks even better than before. And for a bitch that was trying to forget about her, this was not working in my favor. How could I let go now?

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" this annoying fire crotch red headed kid who sits more up in the front said to me. "Shut up!" I yelled in defense, clearly embarrassed. "I was looking to see who it was."

"You were staring" Nick added, "and practically drooling too." I ignored my ex and turned to face my teacher, "can I please go to the bathroom" I asked, and she nodded. I swear these staff members were low key teenagers at heart, because they almost never stopped shit when it was going on. They loved the drama and tea just as much as us teens did.

I grabbed my bag and refused to break eye contact with the floor as I brushed past the blonde bombshell that I once rubbed coochies with. I could literally feel a thumping heartbeat in my lady bits as I walked to the bathroom. Embarrassed isn't even the word.

When I got to the bathroom I went in a stall and checked my underwear. It literally felt like I had a terrible period leak. As I expected, I was soaked, but it wasn't blood, or pee. It was pre seminal fluid. If this was what "bi panic" felt like, then I could not fucking handle it.

After a moment or two of sitting on the toilet and bouncing my leg at a thousand miles per hour, I finally decided to get up and just go home. I couldn't go back to that class because everybody was on the verge of clowning me, and I didn't even wanna imagine what the rest of the day, or the next class which literally had Jason and Nick in it, would be like.

I sighed and grabbed my bag. I wasn't driving yet and once again, wouldn't be getting driving lessons because Lewis and I fell out, so I legitimately needed to get a driving instructor.

Walking home alone felt so foreign to me because I hadn't done it in forever. Like literally, I had nobody to talk to so time seemed to pass on slowly and I could feel the strain of a somewhat long walk on my legs. It truly felt like I had been walking forever.

Now looking back, I don't know how I survived all that I had. The rumors, the threats from partners, and the unwanted fights. In my eyes I had just been a little girl hoping for a fresh start and a sense of direction as she entered her adult years, but everybody else saw me as some "I do what I want" know it all bitch that's apparently in denial about her sexuality.

I needed to fix something, whether it's going low key or just hanging around different people. I was tired of being same old Nova who had little to no personality traits, other than "doing Aubrey", of course.

Once I was home, I thought long and hard about ways that I could change. From the way I dress, to my walk, to the strands of hair falling on my head. I wanted to be different, because I was tired of this.

As I stood in my mom's body mirror examining myself, I saw scissors on her dresser. My mother had a knack for doing kirigami, a variation of origami, in her free time, so she always had scissors nearby.

I didn't know what I was aiming for, or what I was doing. In fact, my brain was just air with a pitch black background, there wasn't a single thought floating in there. The next thing I knew, I was cutting my coiled up rib length hair to my shoulders.

I looked in the mirror, "eh" I said as I repeated the same action, just not as drastic. I cut my hair once again, but this time stopping at my ears, that way it would be at my shoulders when I straightened it.

I looked down at the pile of hair on the floor, and finally realized what the fuck I just did. "Oh well" I said, shrugging as I began to pick up handfuls of hair. "Change isn't always bad."

***

"Nova Christine Milan, what the hell did you do to yourself?" my mom asked upon entering the house. "I damn near attacked yo ass! I didn't even recognize you." I smiled, "good" I said, "that was the plan."

"Why did you cut your hair?" she asked, "and why did you straighten it? You look like Dora." I laughed, "I wanted change" I said. "My life is very stagnant and annoying. I wanna spice things up."

"Oh boy" my mom replied, putting her grocery bags down, "whatever floats your boat my love." I smiled, "do you know anybody that can give me driving lessons ma?" I asked, "I'll do their yard work or babysit in return. I really wanna learn how to drive."

"I thought that Lewis boy was teaching you?" my mom questioned, and I rolled my eyes. "Long story" I began, "our little romance or whatever it was didn't go his way, and he cut me off." My mom shook her head, "this is why you don't mix business and romance" she said, "but yeah, I'll get someone."

"You're the best" I said as I quickly digged through her grocery bags, and found nothing of importance. "I'll see you later, I'm gonna go lay down now."