games ▹ muke

2.2 - run

ok before you start reading, i kind of forgot about the time and it's supposed to be the end of december now so don't freak out when it's christmas next chapter

im just stupid sorry keep reading

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I barely lived through lunch and Luke and Calum having a friendly conversation with Ashton, and I was kind of glad that my next period was without any of them because I just wanted to be alone. I already felt lonely.

I sat through Biology and remembered I had English next, which meant I had to listen to Calum swoon over Ashton all over again. And then I realized I could do what I wanted to do so bad by now and what always helped – I could run away, and I did.

When I got home I didn’t even care that I had to explain to my parents what I was doing home at 1 in the afternoon, but the house was empty. I walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the fridge, so I came closer to read it.

“Michael,

dad and I are gonna be out tonight, don’t worry if we’re not back until tomorrow. The dinner is in the fridge, be good.

-mum”

Right, how could I forget. Every Christmas dad would take mum out somwhere in town, and I was of course bitter about it but at the same time I was happy I didn’t have to be there with them. It sucked though, because for my parents Christmas was just another way of showing how much they didn’t care about me. We never put up a tree or decorations, and we gave each other presents on New Year’s Eve. So much for being a real family.

Now it just added up to feeling like shit, so I went upstairs, threw my bag on the chair Luke always sat on when he came over and laid down on my bed. I still heard Luke laughing at Ashton’s jokes and Ashton complimenting on Luke on every thing he learned about him: how great it was that he could play guitar and how awesome it must be to study so well, and I couldn’t take it.

Seconds later, music was blasting in my headphones so loud I hoped I would go deaf because I never wanted to hear that laugh of Luke’s that I wasn’t the cause of and that annoying australian accent Ashton posessed that made Luke and even Calum forget I was there.

I knew that wallowing in self-pity was pathetic but who cares if you’re already a lost cause? When there’s someone who’s so much better than you in any way possible (someone like this giggly and kind and muscular and funny and all in all perfect Ashton guy) your friends finally realize they have no business being around you anymore, and everything you’ve ever done for them goes to waste. Calum was always better than me and Luke was too, so it was only a matter of time before this would happen. Before they would realize I don't deserve them.

I knew I was crying but I didn’t care about that either. I couldn’t help it anyway, so what’s the point really?

I wanted my phone to ring, I wanted the screen to lit up with a message from hemmo1996 or a call from a pissed Calum asking why the hell I was skipping school again, but no one called. I wanted for a lanky blonde boy to rush into my bedroom and hug me, and say that he was worried sick about me and that I should never run away again. I wanted him to care enough to pick me over everybody else, since he convinced me I was worth it the day he stayed over. I guess it wasn’t so true after all.

I felt like I wasn’t good enough, all over again.

Minutes passed, and I got up from the bed. I tucked the phone (which was still playing Sum 41) in my pocket and wiped away the tears. I grabbed some money from my wallet and ran out of the house to the closest grocery store. I didn’t have Ashton’s toned body and I wasn’t as sporty as Calum, but I didn’t feel even a little bit tired as I ran.

And there I was an hour later, in front of a mirror in my bathroom, looking at my pale reflection in the mirror. I stared at my lifeless green eyes, at my boring round face, but even though I kind of hated myself I didn’t hate one part of me, I thought as I raised my hand and raked my fingers through my newly dyed bright red hair.