I was dragged all the way to the dungeons and to his classroom.
He opened the door for me and i walked in, plopping down on one of the stools and laying my head on the table.
There was silence whilst he fumbled around his class, conducting a potion.
I already assumed it was to sober me up.
I began to hum, looking around his classroom with a small smile on my lips.
"i'm not sure how you do it." he frowned, looking at me.
"do what?" i questioned, glancing to him now.
"you've been through endless amounts of trouble within the first few weeks of being back at school and. you're normal. you aren't scared or traumatised. it's like it never happened." he frowned.
"ohh. the thing is, Severus. D'yamind if i call you Severus?" i raised an eyebrow.
"yes i do mind." he spat, angrily.
"okay, okay." i put my hands up slightly. "when my mum and dad died, i was numb. for like. years. ask Sebastian. I cut myself off from everything. I grew up in my head, resenting everyone and trying to blame someone other than myself." i sighed.
The alcohol made it easy to talk about this.
"thats why i hate seeing Remus, because he was one of the people my head blamed. But anyway, i'm getting off track. I told myself when i started to recover, i wouldn't become numb again. I wouldn't hurt myself again. I wouldn't-" i paused as this part was difficult for me. "i wouldn't try to end my life again and the thing that put me in that headset was my trauma. So i just turned it off." i laughed softly, looking at him.
His eyes and expression was softer than before, he seemed to pity me. but never would he say that he was.
"turned it off?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"my trauma. the reaction that most have to traumatic situations. They become numb. or depressed." i sighed, glancing around the room again. "so i just turned it off. I don't feel numb. I don't feel depressed. sometimes i'm happy, a lot of the time i'm angry. but most times i just feel.." i paused.
"nothing." Snape finished my sentence, causing me to snap my attention to him instantly.
"yeah. exactly." i frowned softly in confusion.
I saw his attention snap back to the cauldron and the potion he was making.
"despite what happens to me. i refuse to turn it back on. that's a dark place nobody deserves to be. not even your greatest enemy." i frowned, resting my head on my arms.
"i'd pick death over that any day." i closed my eyes, feeling sleepy.
It was silent once more.
"here." he spoke, changing the subject.
He poured the contents of the cauldron into a vial and handed it to me.
"what will it do?" i asked, grimacing at the horrid looking liquid.
"just drink it." he scowled, turning around.
I took a deep breath before downing the liquids and cringing and the foul taste.
Soon enough I felt more normal, i knew i was sobering up now and i sighed softly.
I thought back to what i said and frowned, placing the now empty vial down.
"thank you." i sighed, resting my head on my hand.
He didn't respond, only began to clean the cauldron.
YOU ARE READING
Wanting You
Romance"You don't understand." "Then help me understand." Amaya Verula is a 6th year Slytherin, she has no family except her grandmother and older brother. During her last 2 years she learns that emotions can brew just as much as a well made potion. How wi...
