Ride Or Die | Book #1 ✓

Chapter 58

"Aspen please wait!" Pierce's voice called after me as I continued down the spiral staircase. The feeling of being on top of the world quickly disappeared, making me realize that I would never go back to being normal after what I went through in Washington-they had taken any positivity that was left and stole it from me, leaving nothing but nightmares behind.

As I stepped off the last step, I felt a hand grab at my wrist. The grip made me stop from continuing onward, making me turn around to face Pierce. I had felt humiliated, and I didn't want him to see me cry-I didn't want him to show how weak I had actually been. Sex had been on my mind since I got back from Washington, but not in the way you'd' think it would be on my mind.

Every time I had closed my eyes I could still feel their horrid touch on me, remembering the numbness that took over my body after not being able to fight for much longer. After Cayde had raped me when we dated, we broke up and I wouldn't even get close enough to a guy to hold hands. Only this time I had to face my boyfriend and try to explain that I was uncomfortable even though he was the one who had done nothing wrong.

"Pierce, I'm sorry- I just can't do it." I sniffled as I wiped the tears that dripped from my eyes. I tried to fight back the tears but it had been no use. Every time I closed my eyes I could picture their faces and how they were so proud after taking advantage of me- as if it was a game they needed to win.

"Hey, don't be sorry," Pierce spoke softly as he placed his hands on each side of my cheeks, cupping my face within his hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on that strong. I'm sorry baby, I didn't even think about it- it's just that we haven't in a while so my head was in a completely different space."

"I'm sorry." My words cracked as they left my lips, feeling more and more sorrowful. When I dated Cayde and I wasn't in the mood or didn't feel well, he would make me feel guilty-making me say sorry over and over again till his ears rang with the words. At a young age, that relationship had damaged me so much-making me think that I was supposed to be sorry if I didn't give the man the sex he had wanted.

"Why are you sorry Aspen?" Pierce's tone was still soft as he wiped away my tears with his thumb "You're not comfortable, you've been through a lot. I've always told you that I know no means no, I'm not going to push you. I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to make you upset-I will wait as long as you need, there is no rush."

That was one of the reasons I loved Pierce, he never pushed my boundaries and understood that if I said no, it meant no. Most teenage guys just assumed you were being an emotional wreck and guilt you into having sex with them, while consent was just a seven-letter word with no meaning behind it. Pierce understood what I had gone through on a first-hand letter, and while he numbed the pain of being raped with more sex- I numbed it by fearing the actions of sex. Even with how we handled it differently, we still understood the pain and trauma that had come with it.

Pierce pulled me closer to him, dropping his hands from my face and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I hugged him back, the side of my face being pressed up against his warm chest while I rested my palm flat on him. It was moments like these where I knew Pierce was my one, he understood me in ways that no one else did-and he knew how to read me perfectly in every single situation.

It was nice not to have to constantly explain what was wrong to him because most of the time I could find the words, but with him knowing how to read me-I never had to find the words to fill the gaps of what I was feeling.

"We have the rest of our lives to do anything we want, there is no need to rush it now," Pierce whispered quietly, pressing a kiss on the top of my head before we broke apart. It was good to know Pierce thought about a future together, making me feel more secure that I wasn't just one of his toys who he gets bored of before throwing away.