Atheyas

𝟏𝟐: 𝖑𝖊𝖙 𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖔

"Good morning, chère."

            Laav felt soft fingers graze her cheek. Startled, she immediately sat up thinking it was Sirius. "Hey, it's just me," Regulus soothed. She stared at him dumbfoundedly. Where was Sirius? Did he see the both of them sleeping together or did he just arrive? "Darling, you alright?" Laav's gaze lingered on him for a while before realizing he had asked her a question. "Sorry, what?" she asked, breaking out of her daze. "I asked are you alright?" he mentioned again. "Oh, yeah. I'm good," she analyzed her surroundings. The elder Black sibling was nowhere to be seen. It didn't come off as a surprise to her. "I brought breakfast for you," he smiled, gesturing towards the tray beside him. "Clean up, and we could have it outside, in the garden?" added Regulus. "Yeah, okay. I'll be out in ten." Gently grabbing her hand, he helped her to stand up. Regulus stood before her in silent admiration. He pushed the fringe away from her forehead and kissed her cheek. "I'll be sitting here, waiting for you, chère," he smiled warmly. She returned the smile before walking past the doorway to the steps, clueless to what he actually meant.

***

            Near a river blue and clear, the deafening noise of his thoughts overpowered the sound of the birds chirping. As they sat on the grass, he admired the fluid movement of her wrist, how it moved so swiftly, tracing the outline of his silhouette. He acted as an empty canvas waiting to be painted, waiting to have his heart stained with the colors; with colors of her but how could she draw a million smiles when all that was left to draw was a heart that had been shattered into pieces? 

             Today morning's event replayed in his mind for the hundredth time. Sirius had left with no explanation- not that it was surprising, and Laav had no idea that Regulus even found them together. He hated to admit it but he always knew there was something up with his brother when it came to Laav. From the way, Sirius talked to her, to the way he acted around her. Regulus recalled the way Sirius transparently described her; jet-black hair, deep-set of dark brown eyes, olive-toned. She was right in front of him all along, and he hadn't noticed it. Maybe he just didn't want to notice it. 

            Regulus still felt like he was overthinking things. Perhaps nothing had happened between them but for his own peace of mind, he had to ask her. He couldn't ask Sirius because he, apparently, had a date this afternoon and he was never good at confrontations anyway. "Laav?" Regulus got up from his pose. "Hold on, hey, I'm not done yet," she muttered, focused on her artwork. Looking up from her canvas, she realized her model's face was inches away from hers. "Yes, Regulus?" her lips turned upwards at their close proximity. He didn't have the guts to ask her. Maybe he'll wait till Sirius returns then talk to him about it. "Nothing," he managed a small smile in return. "Do you want to go for a stroll?" "Yeah, why not?" She set her things down and Regulus stood up, offering to take her hand. "Thank you." 

            Regulus had seemed quieter today but she didn't mind. She needed to be alone with her thoughts for a while. Last night, was a little overwhelming for her. Her mind wandered to the way he fell asleep in her arms. Laav had never seen Sirius like that. Seeing the state he was in, it broke her. She had to talk to Regulus about this but where would she even start? Everything was everywhere. How was she supposed to tell him that she was in love with his brother? That she knew him when Regulus introduced the both of them but she kept quiet? That their lips have touched before hers and Regulus did? 

            The remembrance somehow made her feel guilty; in every minute of it she felt tangled, she felt unfree. Her mixed emotions weighing down on her as she walked beside him. She knew by telling Regulus the truth, she was going to lose him, but it wouldn't be fair to string him along in a one-sided relationship. There wasn't going to be a perfect time to tell him, so she may as well do it now. "He-" Her words cut short as she abruptly stopped walking. Regulus had taken a few steps ahead of her before realizing she was not by his side. Turning around, he saw her stare into the distance. "Chère, are you alright?" he walked up towards her and after a delayed pause, she replied with a simple yes, her attention still elsewhere.

            Puzzled, Regulus followed her gaze to see what had caught Laav's attention. He suddenly felt cold and not because of the temperature but because of the numb, the raw, the emptiness that floated through, filling out the spaces. Regulus looked at her, but she was looking at him. Sirius. Listening to the soundtrack that the river played, she wanted to be beside him. Yet, here they were in the same park, on two sides, loving from afar. He felt the ache build up in his body. He took a deep breath and a few steps back. "You're the girl Sirius was with that night," he spilled. Laav snapped out of her daze and scanned the Regulus' face. "I'm sorry?" Did she hear that right? "That night, at the library," he answered her question. She kept quiet. She had nothing to say in her defense. She wondered for how long had he known. "I see the way he looks at you," Regulus continues. 

            "It doesn't matter how he looks at me. He's with Emily," she forced a smile. "Do you love him?" Looking down, she fiddled with her thumbs anxiously. She wasn't ready to hear herself admit it out loud just yet. "I don't know," she mumbled, giving Regulus the benefit of the doubt. "It's okay," he smiled, trying to comfort her, or he thought so. "I'm sorry, I would never hurt you intentionally, I promise." Hearing her voice crack pained Regulus. He wanted to hug her and tell her that everything will be alright, but he couldn't because he needed someone to tell him the same too. "Don't worry about me, love," he lifted his hand to her cheek, trying to ease the situation as much as he could. "I should go," Laav whispered. His hand was still on her cheek, hoping she would change her mind and try to work things out between them. "I'll see you around, Regulus." She reached out and gently pulled his hand away from her face, their fingers slightly intertwined. He held on to her as long as he could; till the last finger of hers slipped from his grasp as she walked away.  

            Regulus had given her everything she could have possibly wanted, but she still wanted Sirius. His heart was mad at his mind, for it chose to let her go but deep inside it knew, unlike his heart, her love for him will possibly never grow. He kept thinking that maybe if he cut away enough layers of her skin, he would have revealed the one that had her hidden underneath but it was a foolish notion, a false ambition. 

A false ambition because she only revealed that layer when she was with Sirius.