Atheyas

𝟏𝟎: 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖑𝖎𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘

"Bloody hell! Where is it?" 

"Lil- Ask your lover to shut up," Laav groaned, rolling over in the bed. 

            Holidays were over about a week ago and school had reopened. It felt good to be back in Hogwarts, but her return wasn't exactly as warm as she'd expected. On her first day, she had gotten detention for the time she and Sirius were caught in the library. Ironically, he didn't turn up to school. He had skipped classes the whole week and he hasn't hung out in the common room either. James and Remus had gone to check up on Sirius on multiple occasions and even though Laav wanted to know how he was doing, she was too stubborn to ask James or show that she cared. "It's a good thing he's loud because we're already late. Get up," she nagged. "Wasn't a good thing you were loud last night and plus he's not even allowed in here," Laav retaliated. "Neither are you, Laav," James argued. "It's not my fault all of my friends are from Gryffindor." Laav didn't really make friends in Slytherin. She sat beside Snape in both DADA and in Potions with only academic intentions. Sure, he had invited her to sit with them, but she didn't trust the pale boy enough yet. 

            "I can't find my transfiguration book anywhere. Laav, weren't you the last to borrow it?" James pulled the sheets away, climbing the bed on all fours, desperate for his book. There was no way he wanted another detention from McGonagall. "Oh for Merlin's sake, get off me, James!" Laav yelled, shoving him off her. "I just want my book back!" "Well, I don't have it! So do your search party elsewhere, you shit!" "Enough!" Lily's voice boomed. Pin drop silence. Lily had never yelled at them like this before. Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Lily continued, "Laav, honey. I don't know what it is you're going through-" "Yeah, that's because she doesn't want to talk about it," James interrupted, earning a glare from both the girls. Turning back to Laav, "Just know we're here for you, and you can talk to us whenever you're ready," she smiled. "I said I'm fine," Laav mumbled, getting out of bed to get ready for class. "I'm off to class, can't afford detention with the two of you," the redhead joked in attempt to lighten the mood. "

***

            "Today, we will be learning a spell to conjure birds," Professor McGonaggal's voice faded into the distance as Laav drowned in her own thoughts. She, Remus, and James had taken Transfiguration as an elective for N.E.W.Ts. "Psst- Laav, look at what I drew," James whispered, giggling at his atrocious drawing of Severus. "If I see you making fun of him one more time, I will not hesitate to hex you," she challenged. "Defending your friend, I see," "He's not my friend, or anything else," "Laav, hey," Remus tapped her from the back. "Yes, Moony?" she was about to turn around when he stopped her. "No, wait. Don't. I don't need another lecture from Minnie. Here take this," he whispered, passing her an envelope from behind. "What's this?" She examined the envelope. It had no sender's name, only hers. "I'm not sure. It was on my table today morning and it had your name written on it," he shrugged. "You don't recognize the handwriting?" Silence. Laav turned around, to see Remus' head buried in his book. "Sorry, nope," he mumbled, diverting his focus on the board. "What's that?" James nudged her.

            "I don't know, James. Let me open it, will you?" shot Laav, earning an eye-roll from her friend. Tearing open the envelope carefully, she unfolded the letter. "It's blank," she muttered. "Try Aparecium," James suggested. "Yeah, okay." She sneaked the letter below the table and twirled her wand. "Aparecium," she whispered, tapping it. The charm revealed a poem, written in dark blue ink that had run but only slightly. Laav's eyes caressed the strokes of the pen. There was a grace to the slope of the individual's handwriting, to the way they curled the loops and gave flow to the arcs. The handwriting moved over the page as if the ink were infused with whiskey, smoke, and cologne inviting words of such beautiful intelligence. 

"She was a painting he could never outgrow,
He, a mere side character who longed for her,
Fixed his gaze on her- lips tainted like grey clouds forming another rain,
Skin as smooth as his palm writing another poem,
But what more could he do,

When he is nothing but a tragedy."

            James read the poem loud enough for only both of them to hear. "Don't read another one's letter, asshat. It's rude," she chided the wizard. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Who do you think it's from?" "I honestly don't know who would write me a poem," she admitted, tracing the handwriting before neatly folding it and placing it back into the envelope. "Maybe it's someone from this class?" James teased, eyeing her. "Stop it. If it is, they should know I'm with Regulus," she rolled her eyes at his childishness. "It is very well written though. Gotta give it to them," she added. "Anyway, we're going to see Padfoot later. Do you want to tag along?" James offered. "Why would you ask me today out of all days?" she questioned back. "Because I realized you haven't uttered a single word about him," "And when have I ever?" she raised her eyebrows. She was trying to focus in class but James clearly wasn't helping. "Laav, ever since we had that talk, you've been avoiding any topic about Sirius. Jeez, you've been avoiding Sirius too. I noticed it and I'm sorry if I interfered a little too much," he apologized genuinely. 

            "Too late for that now isn't it? Besides, it isn't your fault we fought" She forced a smile before diverting her attention to the board. "The both of you fought? About what?" Laav knew that James was going to find out sooner or later and it was best if he heard it from her. She needed to talk to someone but now wasn't the best time. She felt the emotions rushing through, overwhelming her. "It's nothing. Forget it," she mumbled. "Laav, you can trust me." A thick fog settled upon the room, it was heavy. Her mind begun to cloud with memories of Sirius. At first, it was a matter of how badly she needed his touch, but quickly they became lost to things much more vulnerable; to the time, he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her. Laav's upper lip was perspiring. Her palms were sweaty with the effort of trying to keep calm. She felt like all the liquid in her body had been drained away and was slowly collapsing in on her feelings. The air was heavy and thumped against her chest, a complete reversal of how breathing was supposed to work.

            "Darling, are you okay?" James' voice echoed far away. Her hand shot up. "Professor, may I be excused early please?" she croaked. Professor McGonagall had seen that look before. It was the second time it happened in class. "Where are you going?" James grabbed Laav's arm. As soon as Professor gave her the nod of approval, she packed her things and made an exit, not saying a word to James. Confused, "Me too, Professor," James muttered, before running after his friend. "Get back here, Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice boomed through the hallway. There was only one place all the students would run to, the second-floor girl's bathroom. Before walking in, he knocked to make sure there was no one else inside. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?" James demanded. "Just leave me alone, James," "No. Talk to me, damn it. You've been acting off all week," he argued. She hadn't been eating properly was the one thing he noticed and her snarky, sarcastic comments were nowhere to be found. "That's not true," she sniffled, turning away from him. James let out a dry laugh. "Stop lying to me." He knew her too well, she couldn't lie for much longer. "Do you and Sirius have something going on?" he hinted. "What makes you say that?" 

"It's so obvious. He's been drinking and smoking excessively since the both of you last met, and you, you're not yourself at all,"

            "So tell me, do you have feelings for him?" his voice soft, and calm. Turning to look at him, her lips quivered. James waited patiently for her to speak. His words seemed to lead her close, in hopes she'd provide him and herself with answers but the resolution of conflicted feelings was an inside job that required self-honesty, all self-delusions rescinded and she didn't want to be honest. She knew honesty would lead her to a whole other path and she was afraid of that. "I don't know, okay? Just-" At this point, she had given up. Everything around her was messy. This whole situation was messy. She was emotionally distraught and her knees were about to give out any moment. She wasn't one to run away from problems, but right now, that felt like her only option. "Now excuse me, I need to get back to class." With one quick swipe, she wiped her tears and grabbed her bag. On her way out, she stopped in front of James. 

"Not a word about this to Sirius."