Mistakenly Human (Poetry)

Commending Guilt

You looked me in the eyes,

And said your final goodbyes.

I let you go

I didn’t know.

You told me,

Told me how you wanted to be free

How smoking was your escape

Smoke hung around you like a cape.

I knew why,

But I thought you’d be fine.

You were insecure,

Very obscure.

You couldn’t stand your own skin

Your lips wearing thin,

Skin withering away.

Your eyes became distant everyday

I thought your mind wouldn’t fray

I didn't think you were this depressed

You kept your words suppressed.

But I should've known

From the night I answered the phone.

You were sobbing, screaming, and crying.

You wanted to stop trying.

And in a quiver you said,

If seeing is believing, I believe I lost my eyes

You wanted to leave, you wanted to die.

I remember the night I came over.

Your eyes red and puffy, back against the wall

Repeating you were still alive,

This is how you had to survive.

The hands in your hair

This wasn’t remotely fair.

You screamed, you cried

I sat there and lied.

I said you’ll be okay.

There I would stay.

You looked at me, not breathing

You asked in a small voice

“If you knew I was dying

would it change you?”

What was I suppose to say

I didn't know what to do

You struck a blunt and smoked it.

Unable to cry anymore,

Numb forever more.

It got worse from there,

But you were always in my prayers

And I still didn’t get you help

I was afraid, and selfish

But I kept you as a wish

I let you slowly slip away

I let your fingers stray

I should’ve grabbed your hand

But I didn’t understand.

I thought you’d be okay,

That this would go away,

I got that call that night

All I saw was shining lights.

A bottle of pills,

To have the void fill.

A note in hand

It went as planned.

I was stun,

I never knew you’d be completely done.

I should’ve been there for you

I regretted every moment I didn't get you help

All the signs all the yelps

I ignored them all

I let you fall.

I’m so sorry

My bestest friend…

It came into a closing end

You left me here alone

My mind is blown

Why didn’t you tell me you were going to end it

I could have helped you, but you felt unfit.

You left me here

Alone in fear

Why did you leave?

Why can’t I breathe?

Why is my mind going insane

Am I sick in the brain?

The craving for death

Is this why you left?

The dreaded thoughts happening to me,

Is this what happened to you, how could this be

Now I know how you felt

And I am nothing but guilt.

I miss you

Your company is due.

You owe it to me,

For your absentee

Soon I’ll see you again

I am sorry for this sin.

I love you my dear,

Im tired of shedding a tear.

I’ll be with you soon

High above the moon

Above the sun

Just another run

This is my final goodbye

For my eyes need to be dry

But for you it’ll be a familiar hi