Mistakenly Human (Poetry)

Keep Your Hopes Up High

My mind isnt entirely intact

I don’t know how to express and interact

I stay quiet, hurt the ones I love

Give them a shove

Push them away

When all I need is someone to stay

I dont know what is wrong with me,

I’m constantly faking

Whether it’s a smile or a laugh

One part is always sad, that’s the other half

People mistake me for being conceded

Because I’m always to myself

But really I’m just waiting for the day to end

Because all I really needed was a true friend

I can’t seem to find those

All I have are foes

Is this what it feels like to go insane

To have emotions become physical pain?

It’s going to get harder from here they say

I dont know if I’ll make it out alive

Is this what it means to survive?

I’m always so tired, wanting to sleep

Sleep all the problems away

Wanting my mind to fray

I don’t know how to hold myself together.

I’m not all that strong,

You’ve had me all wrong

I have a lot of self-hate

I’m not all that great.

I don’t trust easy

But I’m very needy

I overreact

But I’m always under attack

Why is it so hard to keep a promise?

Friends? They lie and back stab

How did they think this would end?

They’re lying through their teeth again.

I’m not all that confident

It’s hard to accept a compliment

When I’ve been told different

Getting a mean dissent.

And why do I always run

From something I know nothing of?

This fear

It’s always here

I don’t know what it’s from

Making my heart pound like a drum.

I try so hard.

But trying gets difficult

When everyone is critical.

I get too discouraged.

I feel alone

But I know I’m far from it.

But when its just me, feels like I’m the only one.

Sometimes I just get too negative,

But I try to stay positive.

But it feels like I’m drowning,

and every one is watching me, breathing.

And I’m just stuck in this place

With no emotion on my face.

I forget that there are people here

My mom and sisters, I shouldn’t have fear.

But I never open up to them.

I literally CAN’T and I feel condem

I feel guilty,

Feel like I should be punished

I don't deserve anything,

I don’t want to feel so judged.

Sometimes I feel like it’s the end of the world

And my voice is nowhere to be heard

And sometimes I’m okay with the world ending

But then I remember all the people

The ones who are there for me

My sisters, and mother, parts of my family

And I think, why would I want to put them through pain?

I think that’s why it’s so hard to talk and explain

Because I don’t want to see the disappointment

The look of fear

The look of pain

Lingering in their eyes.

I dont want them to think differently,

I dont want to face their words that come incidentally

For they are my favorite people

I know I’ll be okay

But sometimes I think there is no end

It’s just some nights and days are harder

I have to be a soldier, a martyr

But sometimes I just wanna give up

Stop trying, stop fighting.

But I won’t give up.

I will be fine

I just need some time

Time heals everything doesn’t it?

Maybe not now, but these feelings will end

And I won’t have to be having to fend.

I’ll look back and smile

And say I made it