Then stop pretending.
If only it was as easy to just stop pretending, to just let everyone know who you truly are.
To understand the true pain that has dug into the thick layers of skin that had built over many years of hiding, of pretending to be ok. The feeling of being scattered across the earth, thrown down wells of pity. Maybe if I was to scream loud enough, the pain would be heard.
Louder will bring peace.
"I'm going to hop off, bye." The buzzing computer stopped, the humming sound of the fan brought peace to the restless night. The dinging phone that sat on the couch just outside the bedroom door, starting to grow more irritating.
Tommy<3 : Get some sleep x
Sleep doesn't help if your soul is tired.
Y/n : I will Tommy, don't you be staying up too late we have a test tomorrow.
Maybe pretending isn't what hurts, it's the fact that even the people closes don't see that I'm in pain. Maybe it's the fact that I have no power over who I am anymore, it's taken control of my life.
Tommy<3 : Oh shoot we do too, thanks bubba.
The shifting smells of death and life confuse my senses, as usual, the pain of not understanding where I want to be. The feeling of being unwanted by the rest but not having the strength to let them go sitting at the pit of my stomach as always.
Winding clouds, stirring in the darkly lit sky. The light speaks of loss floating throughout the sky, connecting the pain of strangers throughout the world; maybe even the galaxy. I could feel the ultimate numbness fall over my once warm body, now only feeding into the cold feeling that slowly crept from my fingertips to my heart; slowly freezing over.
Tommy<3 : Your kitchen light is still on, do you want me to come and turn it off?
Y/n : It's fine Tommy, I'll get it.
I never did get it.
Hearing the rain steadily pour as the hushing sounds from trees caused the atmosphere in the tight room to cloud in my mind. Running from the enviable end that would soon cast its way over my life, hearing the blood wash throughout my body. Thumping sounds making my ears ring, head-spinning in pain as the last glimmer of light slowly vanished from sight.
Darkness was the purest form of peace in my eyes, feeling as though you are floating in time. Worries vanishing at the thought of being in the dark, alone, away. The feeling of complete relaxation washing from head to toe of the body almost shared a smile to my face.
Tommy can't save me this time.
