𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 || 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐠𝐨 𝐏𝐃 (𝐔𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝)

Chapter 10: The first step

Hailey

I can't face him.

Knowing that I would've broken down in front of him I decided it was best to reschedule. For me, keeping things from Jay has never been an option unless it was necessary. But I needed to come to sense with this myself before I explained everything to him.

This morning I was handed a package from Platt at the front desk. Since then I haven't been able to focus on much else. Jay had most likely seen me with it on the way to my locker but didn't push the subject directly. Although, his eyes never seemed to leave me which made my concentration crumple.

Cancelling on Jay was a tough decision, usually no matter how drastic the situation at hand was or however emotional we were there was always a solution. That solution for us was each other. But today, today was an exception. This would change our lives depending on my decision and that alone was haunting me.

I had been offered a job from the FBI in New York.

My first reaction was shock and disbelief, I assumed they would be glad of my departure but clearly I was wrong. This was a huge decision and the pressure on my shoulders did not budge once. All I could and can think about is that a few years ago, this would have been unimaginable and I would not have hesitated at accepting the offer.

This is were the pain and guilt sets in, the life I would be letting go of and the people that I would be leaving behind. The biggest question of all had been on my mind since I had got home, ' Is it really worth it? '. To be honest, I'm not sure...

There a few obstacles holding me back; the 21st district, Voight and lastly Jay. The Intelligence Unit has become my life, and there could never be a better sergeant or boss that I would want to be working under other then Voight. His ways of handling certain situations can be questionable but what he does works.

The last reason being Jay, I would most likely never see him again. That alone would never be an option, I'd loose my job in order to keep him in my life because him alone keeps me alive.

That may sound extreme but it's the truth, Jay has saved me on numerous occasions from tearing apart and loosing myself. That is why I couldn't face him tonight, every emotion I feel towards him would have slipped out as he would have definitely asked for a reason as to why I'm choosing to stay.

Sitting on my sofa, slumped back and slowly suffocating in my thoughts I can't help but realise there is no escape. Right now I am only delaying time, time that could be spent to better use. If i don't go see him then tomorrow will be undeniably awkward and loosing my focus once again is not a possibility.

Pulling myself up , I drag my feet along the cold hardwood floor of my apartment until I reach my fridge. Grabbing an ice cold beer I lean against the counter beside me before screwing the lid off and drinking a needed mouthful.

This was going to be harder then I imagined I thought to myself as my eyes closed in an unsuccessful attempt to clear my mind.

Deciding enough was enough I walked quickly to my door, grabbing my coat and keys. When i reached my car I hopped in and pulled out my phone to check the time. Jay wouldn't be at Bartoli's anymore as it was nearing 9pm, at first I was going to meet him and explain the news but the nerves got to me and I backed out and here I am hating myself for doing so.

This needs to be done tonight, after trying my hardest to find excuses to back out I come up empty handed. Letting out a dragged and exaggerated sigh I turn on the engine and begin my journey to Jay's. Since Jay gave me driving instructions the other night I knew how to get there, his apartment was a lot closer to mine then I originally had expected.

It only took around 10 minutes to arrive, the whole drive was filled with me constantly arguing back and forth with myself. The plan I had planned was not going to work and instead I was going to play it by ear.

Parking up a few houses down from where he lives, I take a shaky breathe before climbing out and locking my car. My palms begin to sweat and heat rises up to my cheeks leaving a trail of goose bumps and a shiver that arrives shortly after as I continue walking.

Making my way inside the building I hop up the first flight of stairs and timidly make my way to his front door. I knock a few times but there is no answer, without a second glance I rush out of the building. Immediately I notice that Jay's truck is nowhere to be seen, how did i not notice that before? Most likely because my head was spinning in frustration.

The buzzing and ringing of my phone captures my attention, I pull it out to see the caller ID and the smile that appears on my face soon vanishes as I answer. "Hailey?" his voice echo's through my ear , "Jay, are you still at Bartoli's" I ask slightly confused as to where he could possibly be. "No, I just arrived at yours. Are you not home?" he asks and I can here the insecurity I know all to well in his voice.

I see a side to Jay that no one else does. The amount of trust we put into each other causes us to recognise deeper things between him and I. For example, by both our mannerisms and voices we know the basics on how the other person is feeling. This is another reason as to why it is too hard to keep a secret or lie to Jay, he sees right through it.

"Hailey, you there?" Jays voice asks full of worry. I clear my throat as I try and focus on his words, "Err no I'm actually outside your apartment building, I came to find you" I say almost whispering as I speak the last five words. "Hailey, what's going on?" Jay asks, "I need to talk to you Jay, can we meet up or something" I reply calmly with slight desperation which i fail to cover up.

"Yeah, how about we go get some ice-cream and take a walk along the lake" he asks softly and i can't help but smile at his mention of food. Jay has always been a lover of ice cream and pizza, and right now we could do with at least one of those options. Chuckling softly I agree, and soon enough the phone call ends after we decide upon a meeting spot.

Jogging to my car I get in and drive off to the decided location. It takes a good twenty minutes to get there as Jay's house is slightly further away. Considering this, Jay will already be there and that only increases my heart rate as I subtly begin to hear it bellowing through my chest.

Pulling up into a parking space my headlights shine brightly on a dark figure with broad shoulders. Recognising it as Jay i shut off my car and take a step out. Sure enough, Jay turns around and plasters a fake smile which I gladly return.

Before I can say anything he hands me a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice-cream and a genuine smile replaces my previous false. "Thank you" I reply but refuse to look up at him as we begin walking along the path. Despite it being late, the night sky is bright and a tint of violet is absorbed into the clouds that block the stars.

We walk in silence, it's not awkward but also not comfortable. This is mainly because I have no clue how or where to start. Luckily for me I don't have to speak first as Jay looks across at me and notices my hesitation as I try to talk.

"Hails... what's going on?" he stops walking and stands directly in front of me. Dragging my eyes upwards i look at him and he looks genuinely concerned. Almost as quickly as our eyes met I break contact and look at a lonely bench across from us on the path.

"I don't know about you Jay but I need to sit down for this" I say quietly still refusing to glance in his direction as I take a seat and rest my forearms on my knees.

After moments of waiting, Jay finally decides to sit down and reluctantly copies my posture. We don't talk for a couple minutes until I take a sharp intake of breathe and lean back into the coldness of the bench.

You just need to say it....

"I received a job offer"

A/N

Hey!

I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support so far :)

The next Chapter will be rather exciting, I have no particular date set but it should be out during the middle of this week.

Please leave a vote and comment any suggestions or thoughts, it will all be deeply appreciated.

Thank you!