11 Letters (One Direction)(Larry Stylinson)

Week 4 (Louis)

This is why I chose to read one letter a week Haz. I don’t think I have enough strength in me to read them all at once, especially since that one letter made me break down.

I know I shouldn’t be talking about myself. I’m so selfish Haz. You’re the one who’s dead and all I can think about is me, me, me.

Sorry, I’m not even gonna try and talk about it right now. But wanna know what I’ve been thinking about Haz? You have to promise me you’ll keep it a secret, because I don’t want the other lads to know. That and I needed someone to tell, and I’m choosing you if that’s alright.

I was thinking about killing myself.

I know it’s rash, but it’ll probably help everyone in this world. It’s one less selfish asshole they need to worry about. Yeah, Niall, Liam and Zayn might be a bit torn up, but they’ll be happy in the long run. They don’t need to worry about making sure I’m alright. I don’t even understand why they are doing that now. I mean, who cares if I’m alright? I’m not important anyways.

Actually, if you really wanna hear what they call me, it’s broken. I always hear them saying I’m broken, and that they want the old Louis back, but newsflash for them, you took that fun happy Louis away and left a shell. A shell that barley does anything anymore. Rarely eating, never leaving the flat. Hell, the only thing I seem to do anymore is drink and cry.

That reminds me Haz. The other day I was searching the basement for alcohol. We’re almost out ya know, I should probably get some more. Anyways, I saw you again! Yeah, you were sitting in a beanbag chair near the pool table, sipping on a beer. You asked me to come join you, so I did. I grabbed my own beer out of the fridge to plopped down on the beanbag next to you. We sat in silence for a few moments, until we started to talk to each other. Just like old times. I couldn’t have been happier.

Everything was going well. We were talking for a good tow hours or so. That is, until we heard the lads voices. The moment you heard the first voice, you told me you had to go. I asked why, but you just shrugged and vanished. Just like that.

The lads came downstairs a few moments or so later, Niall at the front, then Liam, and then even Zayn was at the very end. They were asking me what I was doing down here, since they found me next to the pool table just drinking a few beers all by myself, and I told them I was talking with you.

Niall immediately made his way over to me, gently taking the beer out of my hand before wrapping me in a tight hug. I gave Liam and Zayn a confused look, while they just stared at me, sympathy in their teary eyes. They stayed on the stairs though, not wanting to take a step closer.

Niall then wrapped his arm around me and lead my upstairs and into the living room. He sat me down on the couch and everything, turning on the telly, wrapping me in a blanket and all. I asked him if I could have mine and your blankets, but he just slowly shook his head no and told me to get some sleep. I didn’t get any sleep, but a few hours later the three lads came out of the kitchen, so I pretended I was asleep. Just like you used to Haz. And don’t even try lying to me saying you never pretended to, because I know I’ve carried you into the flat a few times and I knew you were awake all along, you just wanted to get carried into the flat. Don’t try lying Haz, it isn’t worth it.

Anyways, since they thought I was asleep, they continued talking, probably what they were talking about in the kitchen. They said a few things about how it’s not well that I cant let you go and how I’m pretty broken. That’s when I got a little annoyed. I did see you Haz! Why did you have to leave before they saw you! Maybe they wouldn’t think I was just imagining things.

Liam then thought that they should all spend the night, seeing I wasn’t too ‘stable’, as they would like to say. They all grabbed different blankets and spread themselves out along the floor in front of the couch they had me laying on. After that it was quite quiet, and I wanted to see you again, so I snuck back downstairs.

And right where you left me, you were there again! I was so happy when I saw you, the smile couldn’t be taken off my face. I grabbed two beers, one for me and one for you, and sat back down in the beanbag next to yours. We ended up talking the rest of the night and into the early morning after that, and it was probably the happiest I’ve felt in ages.

When it reached almost nine though, you told me I should head back upstairs since the lads would be waking up soon. I asked you why wouldn’t you come up there with me and say hi to all of them, but you just told me you’d be seeing me around and vanished again. I began feeling empty again, but I did what you said and made my way back upstairs.

It was a good thing I did too because the moment I laid back down, Niall woke up and looked over at me, making sure I was still there. Luckily my eyes were almost closed all the way, so he fell for it, thinking I was still asleep.

I haven’t seen you since Haz. Where have you been? I’ve checked the basement a few more times and you haven’t shown up there once. Did I do something wrong? Because I really want to see you again. It seems to be the only thing that’s keeping me just a tad happy.

~Louis