11 Letters (One Direction)(Larry Stylinson)

Week 2 (Zayn)

Sorry about the last letter I wrote Harry… I think everything was just getting to me and seeing everyone so upset… I just didn’t wanna be like that. Instead I lashed out on everybody, and that only made things worse for them, and for me too.

This entire week nothing happened. I refused to leave me flat, refused to leave my room, hell, I even refused to leave my bed.

I refused to believe you were gone.

I didn’t even want to show up to the interview to announce you were gone and we weren’t One Direction anymore. Too bad Paul literally kicked down my door and picked me up out of my bed and dragged me out of the house. I put up one hell of a fight, but it was no use.

And no Harry, we didn’t actually break up One Direction, since I know that’s what’s going through your head right now, so don’t get scared. We just wont call ourselves that anymore.

I mean, you made up the name, and it wouldn’t be fair to call ourselves that without you. Like remember the time I left and couldn’t make it to a few concerts? It’s like that, you guys wouldn’t call yourselves One Direction without me, so why should we call ourselves that without you?

The only difference is, you wont be coming back.

Sorry, I don’t like everything being depressing, but it seems to be the only thoughts that have been on my mind lately. I’ve basically disconnected myself from the world. Phones been off, I’ve deactivated my twitter, and I refuse to go on the internet. I don’t think I could handle that yet.

The only thing I know is that Louis is worse than I am. Liam and Niall check up on me everyday, and since I have no door now thanks to Paul, they can walk right in whenever they please. They always talk to me like everything is normal, and they never bring up the fact that you aren’t with us anymore. The only thing they do bring up about your death is how Lou is coping, and damn it isn’t well. The one time I did see him this week at the interview, he was hysterical. All he did was cry and scream, and it was the most heart wrenching sight I have ever seen. He was worse than when we found him after he found you, and that’s saying a lot.

I know I’m probably just rambling right now, but the more I seem to write down the better I feel. Granted, I cant feel too well right now, but it’s keeping my mind occupied, and right now, that’s a pretty good thing.

Maybe Louis should try something like this. It’s helping me a lot.

Too bad I’m not telling a single soul I’m writing this. They’ll think I’m crazy and maybe they might even read this, and the only eyes I want on this are mine. Well, and of course yours if you’re reading this Harry.

By the way I’m sorry if this doesn’t make too much sense if you are reading this. I haven’t slept once this week, and I’ve only slept a total of two times since you’ve passed.

Maybe there is something wrong with me?

Eh, if there was, then someone would have said something to me by now. So I guess that’s that.

Alright enough about me. How are you up in heaven Harry? And I mean, of course you’re in heaven. There’s nothing you could of possibly of done to have gotten your way into hell. You’re too nice of a person, even if you do walk around naked most of the time.

I remember the first time I caught you walking around naked. I was horrified Haz. I walked into your’s and Louis’ flat one day, knowing I could just walk in and not need a key, and there you were, walking into the kitchen. Yeah, I’ve seen you naked before, but I didn’t expect you to be like that in your free time. And Lou didn’t even seem to care. He stayed sitting on the couch, just watching something on the telly. He acted like he was used to it before.

Once you noticed I was there though, you quickly bolted upstairs, putting on a pair of boxers. Not like you wanted to put on much more, just enough to cover you up. You then returned downstairs apologizing about what I had to walk in your flat to.

My only response was it was your’s and Lou’s flat, so you could do what you want. Needless to say I was still a bit scarred after that.

I can feel myself nodding off Harry, so I think I’m gonna put down the pen for the night. This is the first time I have felt sleepy all week, and I think that’s a good sign. Maybe I can actually get to sleep tonight.

~Zayn