Against the Current (Finnick and Annie)

Chapter 28~Annie

"Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be on of its most beautiful chapters." --unknown

~~~

I don't remember much of what happened. I just know that I woke up in hysterics from my dream and that someone came into my room and sedated me. Maybe that's why everything has felt so surreal. I was in a drug induced state drifting between my illusions and cruel reality.

But no drug could numb the pain. Ever. It just kept me immobilized as I drowned in it. It kept me still while I cried until I couldn't breathe. It kept me still while Haymitch came in and told me the story.

He told me how they were overrun in the Capitol. How they were fighting off a pack of mutts. How Finnick fought hard. He told me Finnick didn't suffer for long. That Katniss was able to at least give him a quick death. But none of that mattered to me. He still suffered. He was still dead. He was still gone. Long story short with nothing but the ugly truth.

I don't talk to anybody. I never utter a word. Delly tries but eventually stops trying. Plutarch comes and says he has Dad and Luke on the videocamera so I can talk to them but I just close my eyes and moan until he goes away. It's not until an unexpected visitor comes in that I'm broken from my spell.

Peeta comes in the room slowly, cautiously. He gives me a small smile, but I can still see the pain in his eyes. Maybe we're all walking around with that pain and can't do anything to hide it.

"Hi Annie," he greets. "I wanted to come sooner, but I was just released from the hospital."

I look up at Peeta. He has burn scars all over his arms and some are crawling up the side of his neck. Haymitch told me he and Katniss were in the square when firebombs exploded everywhere. It's been weeks since that happened but his injuries must be bad for him to stay that long. But even with all of the physical injuries, his expression seems clearer, more at ease, like he's finally learned to break away from the demons that keep ahold of him.

I don't say anything and Peeta slowly sits at the end of my bed. He takes something out of his pocket and my heart aches painfully when I see my name written in Finnick's messy handwriting.

"Finnick wanted me to give this to you," Peeta says gently.

Tears threaten to fall down my cheeks and I have to struggle to bite back the sob threatening to overcome me. I take the letter in shaking hands and rub my thumb gently over the surface.

Peeta nods once and gets up to leave. Before he can walk out the door I turn and look at him.

"Thank you," I tell him. My voice sounds weak and shakes with unshed tears.

A conflicted look comes over Peeta's face. It looks like he wants to say something but then he just presses his mouth into a straight line. "Stay strong," he says.

Then he closes the door and I carefully open Finnick's letter. I don't know if I want to read his final words, but this is all I have left of him. So with shaking fingers I unfold the paper and read Finnick's goodbye.

Dear Annie, my love,

I'm sorry. I know those words sound empty, but I truly, truly am. I promised you I would be safe and come back, but I broke that promise. I could blame this on bad luck and cursed fate, and a lot of it is, but I also had a choice. I'm only telling you this because I need you to know, and understand, and hopefully forgive me.

When things got bad I had a chance to get away and go back. I don't know how good of a chance it was or if it would have even worked out. But I didn't take it. Instead I went deeper into the Capitol on some made up mission with a personal vendetta. Annie, I was angry. So unbelievably angry at everything the Capitol and Snow have done that I wanted to go with Katniss and help her kill him.