The Worst Things In Life

Chapter Nineteen

Unedited chapter. (River by Eminem ft Ed sheeran.)
John

I've done everything in my power to see to it that Maryjane hate me. I shouldn't complain, I should be singing with joy that it's finally happening. But, for some reason, I didn't like the feeling. Her coldness, her indifference stings in ways I can't explain.

I know Maryjane loves me, at least she did until after her doctor's appointment. Should I be concerned about what happened during her visit to the hospital? Is she ill, or it's some kind of terminal disease?

She longs for my touch, she loved it, she... She loves all that physical affection.

Is she having an affair? No, no... I trust Jane., what happened? She hardly acknowledges my touch lately. Our lovemaking has diminished and I hate how it makes me feel after; like I'm the only one who enjoyed the aftermath.

I shouldn't care... I've been a big jerk to her lately but I want to know that I'm still capable of getting all that reaction from Jane. My Jane

Her mind is not here... I got off of Jane all sweats and sticky, panting. But, she laid there unaffected by our lovemaking. That was the biggest blow of my life. I need to know what happened. Did I do something? Or she found out about.... 'Dear God, I hope not.'

First thing in the morning, I will call the hospital.

*******

I was sitting across from Jane. She didn't want breakfast, I had to force her downstairs when it came time for breakfast. She needs to eat and stay healthy for our baby. Problem is, Jane hadn't touched anything I made since she sat down. I was wondering why she wasn't eating. The last time she was pregnant, this was her favourite dish and it took me all morning to prepare the damn thing. If she doesn't like it, at least she should speak up so that I can get her whatever the hell she wanted.

I'm getting so frustrated with her attitude. I'm struggling to understand what I did wrong. This was our second chance she had been the one encouraging me during our loss for the first baby. Or does this remind her of the accident? She's scared of what might go wrong again?

I groaned out in frustration. Mary Jane should talk to me. That's what couples do. Damn it, or it's the damn pregnancy hormones?

She didn't even tell me the news of her pregnancy. She hates me that much?

That's it, I'm tired of this mind games.

"Jane, you're not eating," I stated calmly.
"I'm not hungry. I told you that already before you forced me down here."
Her eyes were watery now, for the life of me I don't want to make cry. How do I communicate that to Jane?

"You never listen to me anyway. Nothing I say matters, it's your way or no way!" Mary Janes outburst surprised me.

"How can you say that I was trying to make you your favourite..." I was cut off before I could complete my speech.

"Stop trying, I don't want you to try. I hate it." I had no idea she felt that way.

"But, you have to eat," I stated calmly, I don't see what's causing this animosity that Jane feels towards me.

"Or what? Rape me again?" Jane gasped, she didn't mean to say that. I could see the remorse written all over her face.
But, that's not my concern at the moment. I... Did I rape Jane? My mind was in a whirl, why couldn't I remember it? I gazed into Janes's eyes, hoping that it wasn't true, that she will take back what she said and tell me it was one big joke. I saw the questioning look before she voiced out her thoughts.

"You don't remember, do you?" Jane asked, defeated. She looked so broken, so fragile that it shattered my heart in a million pieces. I did this to her, I finally broke her free spirit. I knew this was coming, I was underserving of Jane, of any happiness or brightness that she brought to my life.
I've always known this day would come when I would envelop her into my darkness, where I will sip all the light from her very being. I knew it, yet I was selfish. I took what Jane gave without reciprocating a quarter of it

"Why didn't you say anything, to the police, to anyone?" I managed to ask in a torn voice.

"Who will believe me? A village girl you gave life, brushed up and brought her to the city to be married to one of the most eligible men in Lagos. They will call me ungrateful." With that, she walked out of the breakfast room. The echoes of her footsteps were all I heard as I slumped back on my chair.

It hit me hard..., the night I got so drunk and passed out at the foot of the stairs. I didn't just pass out there, I did an awful lot to my Jane.

I was mad, so angry with my father that day for all he made me do. His warnings and set up and I was so mad at myself.
I carried her scent with me, I remember how much I hated her scent, the scent that hadn't belonged to Jane. I had drunk in hopes that I will forget that scent, I didn't want it on me and the more I perceived it on me the harder I drunk to stupor.

I had no idea how I made it home that night. The worse part, I didn't only cheat on Jane, I sexually assaulted her too. I crossed the line, I stooped so low.

The shame I felt in that moment became unspeakable.

______
Authors note.

He,y lovelies, I'm sitting at the bus station writing this 😆, I couldn't ignore the pressure to pin this down.

I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.
Don't forget to vote, click on the little star and leave me a comment.

May we meet again.
Uche Smart.