A Reviving Vocal

XXIX - Movement

Days, weeks have passed by ever since I knew that everything was all an act, a plan. I have already moved on. I have never felt so happy in my entire life. I loved him, yes, I did and it was a huge mistake. But that mistake taught me so many lessons that I'm actually glad he came in to my life. I learned so many things and I hope he did too. It was as if a big boulder of stone has been lifted off of my shoulders. Aisha and Rae both helped me with my problems and I eventually forgot everything about remembering my past. I knew that I should just enjoy my life now, and worry about my future. Reece's friends and himself are now drifting away from us, like we never even met them from the start. My mother doesn't know that we broke up, because if she knew, she would be mad at me -- and I heard Reece haven't even told his parents about it yet, hopefully he won't. Just... I don't know what will happen if...

No...

I just hope these were my real feelings. It isn't. I am still hurt.

Aren't I supposed to be moving on now? Why am I sad? Why is this still happening to me...?

He let me feel what it's like to love someone. He gave me hope that someone would love me too, that I'm not useless and that I have a purpose in this world. Sometimes I hate him for I fell in love with him, but sometimes, I just wish I never knew that he did not actually love me so I could be with him until the end -- though that would be freaking stupid to do.

I fell in love with him without realizing it.

Should I follow my friends' advices or... my heart?

They said, "Don't trust words, Eumeleia. It's bullsh-t."

If I continued this stupid thing, I would just be hurt all over again.

Love is so complicated.

I put my ballpen back down on my notebook and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Psst."

Lumingon ako para tingnan kung sino 'yun at nakita ko si Aisha na nasa tabi ko na bigla. Umupo na siya sa upuan at bumulong, "Bakit ka nandito sa library? Tara na, may paguusapan pa tayo nila Rae. Hinanap kita sa buong campus, pinagod mo pa 'ko kakahanap sa'yo!"

I just smiled and then flipped the notebook to an empty page and wrote on it. 'Sorry, I was studying and I forgot.'

"I forgot ka d'yan! Tara na!"

Hinila niya na ako at kinuha ko naman kaagad yung libro at notebook ko saka kami lumabas ng library. "Nandun si Rae oh. Super duper secret yung sasabihin ko!" I just nodded as my response and we walked towards the back garden of the school where I first ran away from them, and it's also where Rain blew out smoke on to my face.

Nang makarating na kami doon, nakita naming nakaupo na si Rae sa may malinis na mga damo at sumunod na rin kami sa kanya. "Ang tagal niyo grabe!"

"Sorry! Haha, ito na. What do you want? The good news or the bad news? Well, parang good din yung bad news eh..."

"Ano?" Sabat ni Rae sa kanya.

"Basta! Ano nga gusto niyo?"

Nagsulat ulit ako dun sa pinagsulatan ko kanina at pinakita yun sa kanila. 'The bad news.'

"Edi bad news na rin sa'kin!" Dagdag ni Rae. Nagbuntong-hininga muna si Aisha bago siya ulit nag-salita. "Kami na ni --"

"Blaize?!" Tuwang-tuwang sigaw ni Rae sa kanya. Aisha just waved her hands in front of her and denied, "Hindi noh! Yuck! Bakit ko siya magugustuhan eh ang manyak nun!"

"Eh sino ba? Si Nathan?"

Tumango lang si Aisha at napayuko ng konti. "Kailan pa?"

"Matagal na. Noong last December pa, yung pumunta tayo sa amusem--" Natigil siya sa pagsasalita dahil binatukan siya ni Rae, kahit ako nagulat sa ginawa niya. "Aray ko ah! Masakit 'yun!"