anxiety.

twenty-one.

"smaller than dust on this map, lies the greatest thing we have: the dirt in which our roots may grow and the right to call it home."

skylar.

convincing my parents to let me spend a week or two with thomas was not a difficult task at all. he was not only my dad's colleague, but also a long time family friend. we used to spend a lot of days together growing up, even though he was a few years older than me.

i giggled as the swing moved back and forth, taking me to new heights i had never been before. my laughter was uncontrollable, this was so much fun. slowly, my momentum came to an end and i slid down the slide a few times before i ran back inside all sweaty and gross. daddy and mommy were on business trips and mason was out with all his gross boy friends.

"need a glass of water?" thomas asked, picking me up and setting me on the kitchen counter.

"yes please!" i nodded. i grabbed a box of crayons and a piece of pink paper, beginning to sketch out a picture. i was drawing a sugar castle, purple of course, that's my favorite color! i drew lollipop flowers and licorice grass with cotton candy clouds.

thomas returned with a cup of cold water in a disney princess cup that i thanked him for. "what're you drawing?" he asked, pretending to be interested in my activity.

"it's a sugar castle." i exclaimed, proudly holding up my picture to show him. "i'm gonna live in one like that when i'm older."

"are you now?" he smiled, playing into my fantasy.

i nodded, "by time time i'm sixteen, i'm gonna live in a castle made of candy and i'm gonna be a beautiful princess with a long pink dress and a big tiara."

"and i'll get to tell the whole kingdom that i knew princess skylar since she was little."

i smiled replaying the memory in my mind as i packed my suitcase full of lots of fresh new outfits but also sweatpants. sweatpants were important. if only my life was anything close to that now, sixteen was only two years away and my childhood hopes of becoming a princess were slowly fading away. princesses didn't have mental illnesses. princesses didn't need help from anyone else. i was certainly not a princess and certainly not on the path to becoming one either.

there was a knock at my bedroom door just as i finished packing up the last of my things. thomas smiled at me as he opened my door, "ready to go princess?"

i rolled my eyes and stood up from the floor, dusting myself off. "are you ever going to give up on calling me that?"

"never, princess." he promised with a wink, grabbing my suitcase and wheeling it out to his car.

i got myself comfortable in the front seat while he placed my luggage in the trunk. i noticed a drink carrier with two coffees in it as thomas sat down in the drivers seat. i raised an eyebrow up at him when he handed me a cup topped of with whipped cream.

"iced white mocha." he stated. my favorite drink of course, he's always been a good listener. "besides, we have a long drive ahead of us and i know someone hasn't gotten a lot of sleep lately."

i huffed, always right apparently as well. "long drive? i thought you lived close to the hospital."

"you would be correct darling. my flat is right by the hospital." he chatted, turning the car on to the main road.