Tsukishima
"It's not your fault..."
"Yeah, how could you have known?"
"Don't worry kid, just think of her as sleeping."
Even though all these people are talking to me, I don't respond. I just stare at Yuna's body. Her unmoving, unresponsive body.
"She'll wake up soon." Suga puts his hand on my shoulder. "Have you called her parents yet?" He asks and I sigh.
Shit. I forgot to call them.
I keep my lips together, shaking my head.
"Let me see your phone, I'll call them. And I'll call your brother as well to let him know you're here." Suga offers, and I quietly take my phone out of my pocket. I feel something else and I take it out too.
Ah, it's her phone. After she ran out of my house I had to quickly run back upstairs to get dressed before continuing to chase after her. I seen that she left her phone so I grabbed it.
I clutch onto her phone, putting the password in for mine and passing it to Suga.
"Can you guys go sit in the waiting room?" Daichi turns to the rest of the team who's all bunched up in the room.
"C-Can I stay? I knew her too." Hinata's voice comes, and it's shaky.
"Alright. You and Kageyama stay. The rest of you, please go wait." Daichi responds, and they each say something to me before exiting the room.
"Hello?" Suga gets on the phone.
I put her phone on the bed, and reach out to grab Yuna's hand. Geez, I'm really shaking. I lace my fingers with hers, clutching her hand in both of mine.
How can things turn so bad, so fast? How can a few simple words throw someone into a frenzy like that?
"Tsukishima, Yuna-San's mother wants to speak with you." He says and I grab the phone.
"Come on guys, let's give him some space." Suga mumbles and when they're gone I put the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?" My voice is raspy so I quickly clear my throat.
"Tsukishima? I-Is she okay? That boy Suga said she's in a coma? She was hit? Are you okay? What's happening?" She speaks fast, bombarding me with questions.
"She just got out of surgery." I say lowly. "She ran into the street, a guy who was on his phone while driving hit her. The doctors said she's stable for now, but they don't know when she'll wake up."
The doctors actually don't know if she'll wake up, but I can't say that. I can't tell someone their daughter is basically dead.
"W-Why was she outside?" She sniffles, clearly crying. "I-I have to tell her father. Thank you for telling me. We'll be on our way as soon as possible."
Not even giving me a chance to respond- not that I would have anyways- she hangs up.
I place my phone next to hers on the bed and I look at her.
She has so many cuts and bandages wrapped around her head and other parts of her body that are covered by the hospital blanket.
This is because of me. I did this to her.
I became as bad as everyone else when I let those awful words leave my mouth. I became one of those people who gave her the worst life ever.
I'm no different than they are.
"Um," I say out loud, clearing my throat. "The doctors said that you might be able to hear us. Though, maybe you're still knocked out from the surgery." I stare at her hand.
God, this is pathetic. I'm talking to nobody. It's not like she can respond.
"I was scared." I say quietly, and for the first time since I arrived at the hospital, I begin to cry. I've been trying to hold it back for so long, but I just can't anymore. "T-This may be the last time I get to see you. Y-Your parents won't be h-happy when they find out what happened. What I did." I bring her hand to my lips, my entire body beginning to shake.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to say that you love me. I-I was scared. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I thought that if I said something mean- that you would like me a little less so that you wouldn't have to say that." A quiet sob leaves my body. "It's pathetic, I know. I regret it. If I knew this would happen, I would have let you say it. I would have let you say it 100 times if you wanted. I would have told you first." I lean down, pressing my face into the bed.
My body shakes as I continue to cry, whatever sounds I make being muffled by the mattress and the sheets. I hold her hand in mine still, too afraid to let go.
Why do I do this? Why can't I just express my emotions like a normal fucking person? Why do I have to be so scared about it? I go around calling other people pathetic and morons, but I'm no different.
I killed my girlfriend. I killed my girlfriend. Yuna, I'm so sorry.
I lift my head just enough to speak.
"I-I do. I promise I do. I r-really do love you. I've loved you f-for so long. I fell in love with everything about you. The way your eyes began to sparkle when we talked, the way you held onto me or hid behind me when you met someone new- even though it was really a defense mechanism. I fell in love with your laugh, your rare outbursts of sassiness that was reserved for only me." I close my eyes tightly, continuing to allow myself to sob just this once. "I love everything about you. I love everything about yourself that you don't. I love your voice, the way you say my name. So p-please. Please j-just wake up. Let's try again, okay? Tell me you l-love me again. I promise I won't be mean. I-I promise I'll say it back. Please, Mei. Please, please, please. Please wake up. Please. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. Please wa-"
I can't even finish my sentence because I'm crying too much.
Damn it, I've never cried like this before. I feel so pathetic.
But then again, Yuna's life is on the line here. I feel like I deserve to be in this state.
Or maybe I don't. I'm the reason why she's like this in the first place.
I'll never be someone that Yuna can depend on. Someone like me doesn't deserve to have 'love' or whatever. I was selfish in beginning to talk to her. I'll never be able to make her happy in the long run. People can only take so much of an emotionally closed off person.
But that doesn't mean I didn't want to try.
Yuna brought out a completely different side of me. A soft, patient, and caring side of me.
She said I saved her.
And now look at her, almost dead in a hospital bed.
"I'm so sorry we met." I whisper a while later, finally regaining my composure. "Things probably would have been a lot better for you if we didn't. I'm sorry for ruining your life."
I bring her hand to my lips, kissing the back of it gently.
Please, wake up.
~
"Sir, please calm down before you go in there."
"Hunny he's just a kid!"
A loud commotion outside the room wakes me up. I lift my head from the side of Yuna's hospital bed.
When did I even fall asleep?
The door bursts open and in comes Yuna's extremely angry father, followed by her worried mother.
"You!" He points an angry finger at me. I quickly let go of Yuna's hand and stand up. I'm about to speak, but he surges forward and grabs the front of my shirt, pushing me backwards until my back hits the wall. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK OUT FOR HER! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER?!"
He pulls me forward, just to slam me back against the wall.
"You better answer me right now or I swear to god you'll be in the same exact state as her within 5 seconds." He says, venom lacing his tone.
"We have a code gray on the third floor, room 307. I repeat, code gray on the third floor, room 307."
"What the hell is going on?" My brother rushes into the room, and his eyes widen when he sees the position we're in. "Sir, get off of him right now." He comes over to us, but Yuna's father pushes him away.
"Don't fucking come near me. I will kill this kid."
"Just stop! God, just fucking stop!" Yuna's mother puts her hands over her eyes, crying.
"Shut the fuck up! You're just sitting there doing nothing for my daughter, you don't even care! It's your fault she's like this. You let this little shit into her life!"
"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER TOO!" Yuna's mom finally raises her voice, then a sob leaves her body. "Hurting more people...it's not going to make Mei any better. So just stop." She cries.
Akiteru puts a hand on her back, leading her to the seat I was previously sat in.
A team of security rush into the room. They see how I'm being held and quickly grab him off of me, holding his hands behind his back.
"Are you okay son?" One of them asks me while the others begin to question Yuna's dad.
"I'm fine." I say, looking down at the man.
"You're a minor, right? Based on what the nurses said, and the scene we walked in on- which seemed like it was already deescalated- we can conclude that this man got physical with you and is dangerous. If you want to press charges, we can help you with that."
Press charges?
I glance over at Yuna's still figure, shaking my head.
"It's fine."
"You don't want to?" The security guard asks and I shake my head. "Alright then, it's fine if we let him go?"
I just nod.
God, I have a headache now.
"Kei, let's go." Akiteru grabs my hand, leading me out the room. I grab my phone from the bed, looking at Yuna for what might be the last time.
We walk to the waiting room and everyone sits up straight.
"Any good news?" Asahi asks but I just shake my head.
"Are you okay?" Suga speaks up. "We heard...uh, the dad."
"He's not hurt." Akiteru speaks up, knowing I won't. "Thank you guys for coming. You all should probably go home and get some rest."
"Thank you." Daichi stands up, bowing to my brother. "Practice will be canceled tomorrow, due to these circumstances. The day after is Sunday so we don't practice anyways. Please everyone, go home and eat a good meal, then get as much rest as you can. We still have nationals soon."
Everyone nods, standing up. One by one they all leave, patting Tsukishima on his back or shoulder and muttering words of encouragement to him.
"Come on, let's go home too." Akiteru looks over at me but I just sit down in one of the chairs.
"I'm not leaving."