"We're here." Tsukishima says, walking up to his door. I follow closely behind him. "I bought you a present since I haven't been able to come around lately. Since your parents have been gone for a week already, and I've only come like twice? I thought I should get you something that will remind you of what I look like." He says as we walk in, slipping our shoes off.
"You brought me a picture of you?" I ask, chuckling.
"Kind of, let's go to my room." He grabs my hand, leading me up the stairs.
"It's quiet." I note, looking around.
"Both my mother and my brother are at work right now. They won't be home for a while."
"Ah, I see." I nod. This is my second time being at his house, and I'm reminded of what his room looks like once we walk in.
"Here." He grabs a small box off his bed and hands it to me.
"I feel bad, I didn't get you anything." I frown and we both sit down on his bed.
"So? I bought it because we haven't been spending time together lately." He puts his hands in his lap and I begin to open it.
"This isn't a picture of you." I chuckle.
"You have to unravel it, silly." He says and I carefully pull it. Pictures of us are on each square, some I don't even know who took. My bottom lip juts out and my shoulders slump.
"This is so cute." I gush, looking at all the pictures.
"Bokuto-San and Kuroo-San supposedly took pictures of us at one of the practices. So there's some photos of that in there." He responds and I chuckle.
"I like this one the best." I point at one where I'm looking up at him with a small smile on my face.
"Why do you always look at me like that?" He asks and I carefully place the gift back in its box.
"Like what?" I laugh.
"Like...like I'm the best gift you received on Christmas." He responds and I look down at my lap.
"You still don't get it, do you?" I chuckle slightly, fiddling with my fingers.
"What?" He asks.
"I'm going to say something that a person like you would call dumb and stupid. If I say it...will you be mad?" I ask, feeling tears coming to my eyes even though I keep a smile on my face.
"I promise I won't think it's stupid. You can tell me anything." He puts a hand on my shoulder and I chuckle, sniffling.
"I've said this before, that you're all I have, though I'm not sure you know the severity of it. I never really thought my life had much meaning. To me, all my life I was just someone people took their anger out on. I was some disgusting piece of trash on the side of the road that got run over again, and again, and again. I didn't mind the thought of losing my life. I genuinely believed it would be best for everyone. I remember making a promise to myself that if I don't end up dying by somebody else's hands, then I'll die by my own." My voice turns a bit shaky, and I laugh as I wipe away stray tears.
"E-Everyone hates me. But then you decided, for some out of this world reason, to take a chance on me. I still don't know why. You constantly reassure me that I'm worthy of being treated like a human being. You worry about me, and make sure that I'm okay. I no longer have those dark thoughts, I want to live for you. Maybe that sounds pathetic, considering that this may end one day. Regardless...you saved me. So thank you, Tsukishima-Kun. For everything." I hastily wipe any any left over tears, taking a deep breath and looking up at him.
He doesn't say anything, but the look on his face is somber. My shoulders fall as I realize I probably made him uncomfortable.
"I-I'm sor-" I start, but he cuts me off by grabbing my hand and quickly dragging me to the bathroom. "What are we doing?" I ask. He stands behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I keep my eyes down and I feel him tuck my hair behind both my ears.
"Look in the mirror." He says softly, and I quickly shake my head.
"I haven't...um, I haven't done that in a long time." I whisper and he lightly grazes my jaw with his fingertips.
"Just look. For me." He rests his chin on top of my head.
Biting my lip, I shake my head.
"I-I can't." I whisper. "I just-" I close my eyes tightly.
"You are so, incredibly, beautiful. It's a shame that you can't see it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." He mumbles close to my ear, pressing his lips against my neck.
We stay like that for a moment, his hands on me and my eyes closed. Slowly, I open back up my eyes, and I feel his head move as I look up at the mirror.
I don't...I don't even know that person is. A small gasp escapes from my lips as I see myself for the first time in god knows how long. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand and just start bawling. Tsukishima holds me in place as the girl in the mirror turns into nothing more than just a blur.
"Don't cry baby." He coos. "You're so beautiful. Everything about you. I think you believe that you're a lot bigger than you actually are. Regardless if you like how you look, this is your body. You have to love it, and nourish it. I think it's perfect. I think you're perfect. I want you to be able to see that too." He rubs my shoulder as he talks.
I turn around, wrapping my arms tightly around him and pressing my face into his shirt, crying.
"It's okay. You're okay." He whispers, embracing me and rubbing my back.
He continues to whisper sweet nothings into my ear until I'm finally able to calm down.
"All better?" He asks once I pull away and wipe my face.
"Yeah." I say quietly, chuckling. "Thank you."
"I'm always going to be here for you. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. So don't you go on about what we have ending one day. Alright?" He chuckles.
"Okay." I smile up at him.
I reach up, cupping his face and pressing a kiss to his lips. He moves his hands to my lower back and pulls me against him.
"Come on, let me show you how beautiful I think you are. Again." He grins and I giggle as he leads me to his bed.
The two of us lay down, him on top of me as we continue kissing.
"Um.." I pull away after a bit, biting my lip nervously and looking away from him. "I think...um. I mean if you want to...I can take off my clothes this time...all of them." I whisper, and I see him pull his head back.
"You're comfortable taking off your shirt?" He asks. "I don't want to force you into anything..."
"It's okay." I look up at him, my cheeks rosy. "I think I'm ready."
He laces his fingers through mine on both hands and kisses my forehead.
"I'm happy you trust me."
After that, I allowed Tsukishima to see me fully for the first time since we met. It was nerve wracking and I almost chickened out, but Tsukishima assured me that everything was okay and I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with.
It may not be a big deal to anyone else, but as someone who's struggled with their body for a long time- having someone see me so vulnerable is a big deal to me.
But not once did he make me feel uncomfortable, or look at me like I was disgusting. He had the softest, kindest look in his eyes that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.
It's the same look he's giving me now, as he hovers over me, trying to catch his breath.
"You're so beautiful." He mumbles, collapsing beside me and throwing the condom into the trash.
"Tsukishima..." I mumble, looking over at him.
"What is it darling?" He asks, propping himself up on his elbow, leaning over me once again to peck my lips.
There's that look again. I smile as I examine his features.
"Tsukishima. I lov-"
In the few milliseconds I was talking, I could see panic flash through his eyes before they turn cold. His dark chuckle cuts my words off, and he stares at me with a hard look.
"You're so. Fucking. Easy."
My eyes widen, as I take in his harsh words. I stay quiet for a moment, unable to respond. Did he really just say...
"Oh my g-" I quickly push him away me, getting up and rushing to put my clothes back on.
"Friends don't fuck each other Mei! He's using you!"
My vision blurs as tears start to spill from my eyes.
"W-Where are you going?" I hear Tsukishima ask, but his voice sounds distant.
I cant breathe. It feels like my chest is tightening and my throat is closing in on itself.
My father was right. He was using me. I'm so stupid. Of course he was using me.
I finally manage to get my clothes on, and I quickly rush out of Tsukishima's room.
"Wait!" I feel him grab my arm.
"I must be pregnant too then, I feel the same thing. They're your butterflies, weirdo."
I yank my arm away, running to the door and putting my shoes on.
Liar. Hes a liar! He never felt those butterflies. Why am I even thinking about that right now?
"Please wai-"
"Don't fucking talk to me. I never want to see you again." I want to yell, I want to scream from the top of my lungs at him. But I can barely make out a mere whisper.
I can't hear his next response. I can't see either, I just blindly rush out of his house.
"Do you think I'm easy?"
Stop, stop, stop, stop! I don't want to think about this right now. Please don't think about this right now.
"I don't think you're easy at all. Promise. If I thought you were easy I'd be using you,"
A small sob escapes my lips, and I start to run.
I hate that memories like this decide to just play over and over in my head at this time.
I cant breathe.
I cant see.
I feel like the entire world is crashing down on me, as cliche as that sounds.
I'm so focused on getting away, that I dont hear the screams of protest. I dont see where I'm walking, and I dont see the car that holds a driver that's not paying attention to road, approaching me.
I just feel pain. Everywhere. But with that pain comes a familiar, comforting feeling of drifting off into the darknees.
But this time, it's a bit more permanent.