"if i could turn the page in time, then i'd rearrange just a day or two"
- little lies, fleetwood mac
𝐉𝐎𝐘𝐂𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐒
"Did you know that butterflies taste with their feet? Jesus Joy, way to blow it! He probably thinks you're a weirdo now," I said muttering to myself, scoffing at my actions alone in my office.
After that embarrassing conversation took place, I was doing the best job I could to forget it ever happened. That among other things but Harry definitely thought of me as a complete idiot now.
At least now I finally knew his name.
Harry.
I was surprised he was willing to even tell me just from what he seemed to be like before because he did not seem entirely interested whatsoever in exchanging words with me. So you could understand my shock when he actually told me his name and even mentioned that he moved here not long ago. Granted, he probably only told me so I would leave him alone otherwise I didn't think he would. He seemed very reserved, but not in a shy kind of way more in a 'Leave me alone I don't want to talk to anyone' kind of way.
Then of course me and my big mouth had to open up and spew out a stupid random animal fact and ruin it all. I had a habit of doing that when I was nervous...and Harry made me very nervous. That fact was quite possibly one of the lamest I had in my repertoire and I was sure he wasn't interested in knowing that butterflies taste with their feet.
I mean, at least he didn't make fun of me for it...not to my face.
Elliot would have done that though.
God, I was so fucking sick and tired of thinking about him. He was right, he was always going to be in my head no matter what. I constantly found myself second-guessing every decision I made ever since we broke up. It could be as simple as me debating on whether or not I should eat the ice cream that was sitting in my freezer but then Elliot's voice at the back of my mind was saying, 'Should you really be eating that. I can't love someone fat'. I found myself overthinking even more now after what happened Saturday. That happened almost a week ago because it was currently Friday.
I was trying so hard to not let him get to me anymore but after three years of constant lies, abuse and manipulation, I didn't know if it would ever stop. The only reason I finally mustered up the courage to walk away from our relationship was because it was hurting others in the process...it destroyed me. I gave everything to him...by the time we were over, I was empty inside out. I didn't even recognize myself most of the time. When I finally ended it, he made sure to remind me how undeserving I was of his love and how pathetic I was...and he didn't fail to remind me every time he was around me. I gave him three years of dedication and he still didn't seem to give a shit about me, whatsoever. He made me feel like everything was my fault...I was always the one to blame no matter what, even if he was in the wrong.
It was always one thing after the other...I didn't appreciate him enough, or I wasn't deserving of his love and affection that consisted of fucking me and leaving before the sun rose again. He made me feel like something was wrong with me...I still felt that way.
Three years of my life was wasted trying to constantly fix something that couldn't be fixed. I always wondered if anything about our relationship was real...did he ever really love me like he said he did?
The past few months have been me trying to sort out my head while simultaneously trying to deal with our breakup, and every time I saw him again, it was like I was starting back at square one.
I told myself I wouldn't be spending late nights at work anymore but I hated being at home. I was trying not to spend any more nights glued to my office chair working so I forced myself to go home and sleep every night. If you could call staring at the wall for most of the night sleeping.
It was the same routine every night.
I would get ready for bed after showering and getting home later than I would care to admit. I would hop into bed and try to force myself to go to sleep and sometimes I wouldn't and sometimes I would. If I did manage to fall asleep for a bit it wasn't for long because soon enough I would feel Elliot's arms all over me and I would wake up in a cold sweat seconds later. The nightmares have been consistent since that night and I hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep in a night since Saturday. Then I would drag myself over to the couch where I would put on How I Met Your Mother. I watched that for a few hours before exhaustion finally took over and I slept for a bit under the blanket my dad made me.
It started all over again the next night.
To avoid falling asleep at work I had been chugging way too much coffee, probably more than my body could handle.
"Hey Joy, you have a visitor," Daneeka said, a young college freshman who was volunteering with us at the shelter. I smiled and thanked her, getting up out of my chair and setting down my glasses. Instantly, the moment I stood up, most of my joints cracked. After checking up, feeding and spending time with all the animals we had here and filling out the daily report, I hadn't moved much from my office chair as I was trying to fill out a bunch of papers for some animals that were ready to be adopted and find new homes.
I knew a few hours had passed since then.
When I walked out of my office and made my way down to the entrance area, I was surprised by the sight of Alex, dressed up in a nice dress shirt and some pants that weren't blue jeans. He had on a jacket too and was on the phone talking to somebody. As I shut the door to my office, he turned around and smiled as he hung up the phone on whoever he was talking to. "Hey! What are you doing here?" I asked, not that I minded because I hadn't seen him or Nellie since last Friday.
Alex gave me a confused look, "Joy, did you forget what today was?"
"Uh..." I spoke, racking my brain to think of any event that was supposed to take place today. "I might've..." I laughed, feeling guilty already.
Alex sighed, "Today is my-"
I gasped, "Oh my god, your concert for the shop is today! Shit- Alex! I'm so sorry, I completely forgot" I groaned and glanced down at the clock on the opposite wall of the entrance and noticed that it was almost five pm, the time I got off work usually.
"I asked you last week if you were still good for it? Can you not come anymore?" He asked and I knew he was trying to hide his disappointment that I forgot about this when he had been talking about it nonstop since he opened Madden's Music.
"Yes! Oh my god, I wouldn't miss it for the world and I'm sorry I forgot...let me get changed quickly and then we can go," I apologized.
Alex nodded and waited for me as I rushed back into my office and shut everything down for the weekend. I kept some extra clothes in my office in case I needed to go somewhere after work and didn't have time to change so I was mentally patting myself on the back right now.
I stripped from my uniform as I found the bag of clothes tucked in the corner of my desk. Throwing on some black jeans as quickly as possible and a simple black tank top along with a cardigan, I changed into the boots I had worn while arriving at work and discarded my running shoes.
I rushed back out towards the entrance to see Alex back on his phone with a frown on his face, speaking harshly into the speaker.
I desperately hoped I wasn't the cause of his anger because I would hate myself for it. I didn't intentionally mean to forget about this day...my mind had just been somewhere else these past few days. Although, I knew that wasn't an excuse.
When he saw me arrive from the corner of his eye, he muttered a few more words to whoever was on the phone and hung up. "I think that was the fastest I've ever seen you get changed," he chuckled.
I laughed along with him and agreed because I threw on these clothes at a supersonic speed. Alex led me to where he parked his car as we walked side by side in silence.
I felt horrible, I really didn't mean to forget about this, in fact, I was actually really excited. Alex had mentioned multiple times that he was excited to do this concert ever since he opened up the shop and started teaching kids how to play instruments. He had planned it out to be the last Friday of every month and today happened to be the last Friday of July.
I remembered now that Alex insisted he would pick me up since I didn't have a car of my own. Even though his shop was just a short walk away from my apartment, it was a nice gesture because it would take a good hour to go back home by taking the subway.
I hopped into his car and the guilt was eating me from the inside out. "Alex, I'm really sorry," I blurted out as he started driving.
He shook his head and quickly glanced over towards me before turning his eyes back on the road, "Are you ok? I mean lately, you've been kind of...distant. I don't blame you for forgetting Joy, little slip-ups happen to us all but I just want to make sure you're doing ok...are you?"
I sighed, biting my lip to keep myself from crying because that was the last thing I wanted right now. I nodded my head and looked at Alex, "I'm fine, just a little stressed lately but I'm good. My mind has just been a little all over the place lately so I promise you I didn't forget on purpose" I said, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice.
"Joy, I know you didn't forget on purpose. You would never do that and I know that. You're here now and that's all that matters ok? We're gonna have a good time tonight watching kids try and cover some classic rock and then how about we arrange a movie night with Nellie and Oli? Hm?" he asked gently.
At this moment, I realized that I truly had the best friends on this entire planet. I didn't know what I would do without them and now I felt even shittier for lying to them about how I was actually doing. "Yeah, that sounds fun" I mustered up a smile.
"If you're stressed from work, maybe take a step back. You're only twenty-four and you already have so much responsibility at the shelter, you practically run the place! If you're got too much on your plate it's not a bad thing to ask for a little time off," he suggested.
"I know...it's not really work but I'll be fine. I am ok though, I think tonight is exactly what I need anyways," I smiled, letting the lie slip through my lips too easily.
When did I become someone who lied to their friends?
Alex just nodded his head and I wasn't sure if he believed me but he didn't say anything. Conversation continued to flow easily between the two of us after that. We caught up on what had been happening with each other during the last week and we hadn't seen each other. Alex told me how excited he was to finally be having this concert because he was proud of how far some of the kids he was teaching had gotten while learning their respected instruments.
He mentioned that Nellie and Oli would be there when we arrived and that the concert didn't start till six-thirty. He also told me that his new employee- well his only employee would be making an appearance at some point. It was the one Alex had talked about that night at the club, the one who was always quite moody.
That sounded like someone I had come to know.
His employee was the person he was talking to on the phone earlier. Alex said he was trying to get out of coming tonight which I assumed was why he was a little upset earlier on the phone. But I knew Alex could be very persuasive with his words and ultimately he convinced him to come.
Soon enough, his car was put in park and we were both walking into his shop. He said the kids wouldn't be arriving till six and it was only a little past five-thirty.
When we opened the door to the shop, what neither myself or Alex were expecting was for Nellie to be talking to someone rather angrily, "Very funny. How do you not have an employee card if you work here?" she pointed.
"Because I was told to be here as soon as possible so I forgot it at home!" he spat back at her.
Instantly I knew who that voice belonged to.
"Harry?"
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a/n
how's everyone???? how was your christmas?? (if you celebrated) or how were your holidays??
my city officially went back into lockdown again last week so i've been doing nothing besides write and work (bc apparently i'm 'essential')
how did you like the chapter?? tell me ur thoughts!!!
next chapter will be fun!! get excited!!
bye thanks for reading <33