"I tell myself I should get over you, I know I'd rather be all over you".
Lisa
I step from the old beauty parlor into the street. Only a few years back I would have been bathed in the gentle glow of the street-lamps, now there is only darkness.
At first, it scared me, but over time it became the new normal. From the end of the street comes a light, a torch perhaps. I stop faster than a bullet into steel, heart pounding.
Funny. Once the darkness of the night is complete there is nothing more terrifying than light. I paste my body to the cold dark wind.
I stare at the gates that held a hopeful smile. And if I am to be described; I would certainly be a fool.
A fool that is chasing after a woman who was with someone else.
She is with him.
Another night. Another drink.
Another day where I'm wasted in the middle of nowhere, trying to reach someone who was happier without me.
My long legs cross the street and I stand tall, in front of the gates, screaming her name; "Jennie!".
"J-Jennie open these damn gates".
A man in a black suit stands behind the gates and looks at me. "Ma'am, can I help you?".
"Get me, Jennie.. I need to see her".
"Who are you?".
I threw my head back in laughter because it hit me hard. Who am I to her?
"H-her friend..". My voice cracks.
"What's your name?".
"Lisa". I answered and watched him nod and walk away. I abruptly placed my head on the gate and felt my heart clenching at the thought of her being inside there with him.
The night was still young, but not my soul. Mine was flying yet seeking to be set free, from a love.
A love story that that was far from perfect.
It was very toxic. To the point of arguments, unsettling tension.
Jennie and I never agreed on anything in the first place.
She hated the way I was around so many women, and I hated the fact that she was friendly with every man around her. It was very unbalanced and unfair to us.
"Ma'am?".
I raised my head and watched him walk closer with a shrug; "She doesn't want to see you".
"Oh..".
With that, I give him such a sad smile and walk to the sidewalk. My bloodstream was rushing the blood that rapidly ran in circles around my heart.
Jennie didn't want to see me. Did I hurt her this much?
And as I look up with a blurry vision, thunder strikes and the rain begins with an endless motion with the wind. And the funny thing is, Jennie always told me that in her arms, I would be the safest.
And I promised her, that my love for her will never be absent. It will never vanish, but where is she now? Happily in his arms.
In the rain; my tears aren't noticeable. They were like water drops of heaven-- mixed with the salt of the ocean.
The depth of every tear didn't make any sense, but each tear held it's own pain. Almost, turn by turn. They were waiting to be set free, with the help of the lonely rain.
I sat on the sidewalk and held my knees close to my chest.
I need to see her..
Jennie
I stare at the clock as the movie plays. It was past midnight now, and Kai has already fallen asleep on the couch.
My head tilts to the side so I can take a closer look at him. And, he looked so peaceful when asleep. I smiled at him and caressed his cheeks. He looked so serene-- but my heart drops when I start to remember the nights where Lisa slept in my arms, instead.
The nights where she would come back feeling very exhausted from touring and being the professional woman I knew her as. Her face haunts my existence, and I slowly pulled his arms from around me.
I can't be thinking about her. I'm happier this way.
Selfish.
I was selfish to follow that path and to actually show up to the party. That night that still flows inside of my head like a dark memory, when my best friend kissed her.
And, why did it even bother me?
I was then restless, and feeling very awake that night. I sighed heavily and walked upstairs to my room. The house was quiet and very nostalgic, almost to be in.
I walked to my room and sighed heavily.
I held my breath and opened the curtains to watch the moonlight.
The moon was up in the sky- beautiful, wide, and free.
People would mistake the moon for the sun if it wasn't for its visible size and the creeping night that made the moon seem like the prettiest thing in the scene.
I let the wind blow on my hair, the rain already made me weaken with the winter vibe. Unwillingly, I look down out the street and my heart stops.
Lisa was sleeping on the sidewalk, hugging herself from the cold.
If it wasn't for the toxic situation I was in, and the fact that we weren't a thing anymore. I would've ran outside, just to be in her arms. But, in the end.. it was too late.
I sighed heavily and left my room.
"If only you weren't late, Lisa..".
-
Lisa
I opened my eyes and woke up with the bright light of the sunlight beaming on my face- everything around me. A puzzled look is on my face when I notice that someone has their arms around me.
My body is trapped in the middle of a familiar warmth-- and the scent of the woman that I love entered my nostrils like speed. My heart stops and my vision slowly comes alive when I pull away and look at the body that is sleeping by my side.
Jennie?
My mouth goes dry, and my eyes swell up with tears.
"Jennie?".
She lazily moves around in bed, and as soon as she realizes that I'm calling for her. She gets out of bed in panic, but I grabbedd her wrist to stop her. "Jennie, please listen to me".
She shrugged her head and backed away from my touch. "No, don't Lisa".
"Why are you refusing to listen to me?". I angrily walked closer to her.
"Because whatever we have, is dead, Lisa! Dead..". Jennie finally looks me in the eye, and my heart breaks into a million pieces. The cold look on her face, makes me surrender to the hurt inside of me.
But, I refuse to look at this. I chose to refuse to look at the way I broke her-- just for the sake of temporary happiness.
"Whatever we have was gone the moment you kissed her..". She mutters in whispers.
"The moment that I was waiting for you to come back home, and you never did". Jennie's lips crack a sad smile while staring at the ground. "Do you realize how much you broke me?".
I stayed in silence.
"You always chose to mess around. To flirt and you always pretended like I never saw it".
"So, what now Lisa?". Jennie walked closer and looked deep into my soul.
"Now that I'm happy, you're scared of the consequences you are facing?--". I cut her off angrily.
"But, You're not happy!--".
Jennie pushed me back, "I am! Why can't you see it?"
"Because I love you..". I started, my voice was barely noticeable. "And you love me, Jennie".
"You're so full of yourself". Jennie shrugged her head at me, but a sarcastic smile played on her pretty lips.
"Where are the girls that you messed around with, now huh? Why aren't you with them?". Jennie bitterly asked but I held back the urge of getting close to her-- the urge of touching her and kissing her.
My heart belongs to her, but I had to remind myself that she isn't mine.
"Jennie..".
"Get out". She simply says, and motions for me to leave. But, I couldn't take it anymore. And walked closer to her—almost in an instant moment and inched my head closer.
"Why did you let me in then?". I questioned.
The confusion was written all over her face.
"Why did you let me in Jennie? Why did you let me in your house, if you wanted me gone?". Our breaths mingled together, and I could swear, that her eyes were daringly staring at my lips.
Jennie freezes as we stare at each other. My voice sounds like pure mocker— and she knew that nothing compares to the way we used to hold each other, nothing.
Not even the man she's pretending to love.
"Aren't you going to answer me, Jennie?".
"Lisa. You need to leave". She avoids my eyes.
"Am I that hard to love, Jennie?".
"No, Lisa". A tear aimlessly fell down her eye, and I held back myself to not wipe it. "That's where you're wrong".
"Loving you is the easiest thing on this planet. That's why, now I'm in pain.. left in the consequences of loving you".
"You know what, Lisa?". Jennie wipes her tears.
"I should've known. I should've known that you will never change your old ways. This is fun to you, isn't it? Seeing me like this—And no, don't cut me off". I closed my mouth as she spoke.
"I know what you're going to say, Lisa".
"You want another chance, but sadly. It ain't happening anymore". Jennie angrily admits.
"It's way too late".
I looked at the ground and nodded at her with the saddest smile. "So you're happier with him?".
She blinks rapidly, and without hesitation says; "Yes, I am".
"So you stopped loving me?".
"That's the hardest part of it all.. I never stopped loving you".
-
𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇