Ahmad .
"Though I never want you to go"
The words rolled out of my mouth like I was being hypnotized.
My mind was sore , my body trembled .
I looked her in the eye , waiting for her to say something. I was deep in desperation for her answers .
Her eyes trickled and looked away from mine ,
I could see her fighting with her tears as she blinked .
In just seconds , I watched as she ran out of the room as fast , like she was being pursued.
My heart broke the moment she walked out of the door.
She tried to be strong for me even after everything I did to her .
I slide down to the floor , tears threatening to spill on my eyes . I knew I was strong , at least I tried to be . But the tears , they keep spilling , I was broken, really broken and tainted . I was the only one who knew how much I endured .
Everything was insane !.
My hand found it way to my neck , holding it tight .
Right now I felt everything spinning, my heart spinning with pain .
The tears finally came down , I found myself crying , the worst type of cry .
The one where you feel your throat clogging up and your eyes becoming blurry from tears . The one where you just want to scream out and let it out even though you try to be strong for yourself . The one where you can't breathe properly , you feel suffocated.
It hurts !, it hurts so much, so bad .
Everything was better !
Everything was okay !.
I was okay knowing my secrets alone.
I was okay healing myself .
I shut my eyes regretting everything I said .
She deserves someone better .
Her hands intertwined with mine was all I could picture as my mind swirled .
I felt safe around her .
I felt better speaking to her.
It felt better but why did she have to run away .
It was too much for her , I keep being the devil chasing her life .
I sat there thinking about everything and nothing .
My emotions never washing away .
After a while , I stood up to try the one thing I always did when I was a kid .
I could remember whenever I was having a bad day . I always resulted to praying and reading Quran but I stopped reading the Quran when everything changed , I tried it several times after then to ease my pain but it never worked .
I walked to my room , Immediately performing wud'uh to pray nawafils .
I prayed before picking up the Quran .
I poured my heart out to the almighty, 'ya rabb, there's something dwelling inside me. That frightens me . It consumes me and even made me a monster , my egos outstrip me and I fail over and over again . Ya Allah , only you knows my pain , only you knows how I feel , my every thoughts , every agony and pain , you see it . All my darkness , only you understands me .
Only you ya rab.
Ya Allah save me from my darkness."
I sat there for an hour reciting the holy Quran , I felt serene . my heart becoming subtle , the force that was tightening my throat wasn't there anymore , the fist that was clenching my heart was all gone and I could breath-freely. Truly indeed , for dua is the believers weapon .
I stood up and dropped the Quran , my body less tensed .
I felt a lot better.
I badly needed water so I walked downstairs to take water and some painkiller.
I got downstairs and my eyes immediately fell on nasrins body . She was sprawled sitting on the floor with her head hang laying on the couch .
I walked closer to her , my body running with chills , iniquity trying to find its way back to my soul .
She was laying there , fast asleep , her pink cap falling sideways on her head , exposing a little of her hair .
I bent down to her , gently picking her up from the floor , making her head tilt towards my chest and adjusted to my arms . Her alluring smell submerging my soul , making my mind dwell back to when she hugged me tight just so I could feel safe around her .
My mind pounded with guilt as I carefully ascended the stairs in order not to startle her till I got to her room .
I dropped her on her bed carefully using the duvet to cover her body , I adjusted her cap gently ,before standing up to leave the room .
I turned off the light .
My mind still in coarse !.
Nasrin .
The early morning sun streamed through the curtain hitting me directly on my eye . I opened my eyes slowly , a piecing headache hitting the side of my head .
Everything looked blurry as I looked around , sitting in the process , I watched my room in dismay , wondering when i got here . The last place I remember seeing myself was in the sitting room .
How did I get to my room ?.
My mind recollected on everything that happened last night .
He trusted me with his past and he finally opened up to me . I couldn't believe someone I thought was so arrogant and pride filled was badly aching inside .
All these years , he only tried to cover up his weak , harmed and devastated self .
Right now I feel so bad , I wished I had actually sat down to understand him as a person to know his flaws .
Amongst all my thoughts , a weak smile made it way on my face , in the moment which we shared .
I laid in his arms .
I wanted to tell him everything would be alright .
No one would harm him no more but even after everything I tried to do just so I could be strong for him , I couldn't help it , it was hard for me to digest . Everything became too much for me after his last words .
I found my self running .
My mind was facile , trivially running in so much pain .
Why would he think I would want to leave ? .
After everything I endured , I believe things are finally getting better and he thinks I would leave .
I raised my head , the head throbbing the more . I was finally able to stand up , my long silky hair falling on my back , making me itch in pain .
I tied it in a loose bun before walking into the toilet , I took a hot refreshing bathe .
I finished and slowly walked out to my closet , I knew at this point , my body wouldn't endure wearing heavy cloths , so I wore on a black ribbed jumpsuit with a round neck , leg tie waist and back hidden zip .
I combed my hair and tied it in a sleek topknot and left it open .
I was about picking my phone from my bed when I noticed the ring on my hand missing .
My body tensed and I panicked . No please no .
I checked everywhere possible in the room but I couldn't find it , Tears started building up in my eyes .
Do you ever feel frustrated looking for something that you just start crying ? That was how I felt right now , my headache making it worse .
"Why do I cry at every little thing" I kept saying to myself as I searched the toilet and my room over and over .
The ring was a gold ring baba's mother (inna Fati) gifted me before She died and I couldn't afford to misplace it . I loved the ring so much to the extent that I never took it off!.
I hastily walked out of my room Insearch of the ring , forgetting my pounding head. I went to the living room because that was the last place I remembered going to .
Shit I still can't remember how I found myself in my room this room .
I started looking for it , I checked the couch I laid and looked around but I still couldn't find it .
My tears trickled and I started crying , I sat on the floor till I heard the door open .
Ahmad .
I quickly trudged into the house without sparing to pull out my Nike canvas , I really needed water after a hectic morning at the gym .
This morning, I needed to clear everything on my head , so I resulted to the gym .
As I neared the living room ,I heard someone crying . Nasrin? I quickened my steps .
She was still crying because of me .
My body became tensed as I walked up to her , I met her kneeling on the floor with her arms rounding her torso crying . I quickly dropped the empty water container I was holding and walked to her .
I guiltily knelt down with one knee beside her .
"Nasrin?" I called contemplating before placing my hands on her shoulder .
She looked up to me with a tear stained face , wondering when I got here .
" Are you okay ? . I asked frantically, knowing it wasn't the right statement for me to use .
" I can't find my ring" she said slowly , averting her eyes without looking at me .
"Okay" I said slowly, Almost heaving a sigh ,Thanking God she wasn't still crying because of me .
"I will buy you a new one then" .
"No"she shook her head , still not looking at me .
"I don't want a new one. Inna gave it to me and I was careless with it" she sniveled, almost tearing up again .
Did you .........". I noticed a ring slightly under the couch .
"Is this by any chance the ring you're looking for ?" I showed her . I looked at the ring examining it , it was clearly a gold ring but it looked old . I can see why it's important to her .
Her face lit up " yes that's it . Thank you." I hand over the ring to her and she immediately put it back .
My eyes caught her eyes , they weren't looking like the eyes that shined dazzlingly with happiness , instead all I could see was the pain I was cursing her .
She averted her eyes and stood up without saying a word to me anymore .
" what do you want to eat" I heard her ask immediately I turned to leave for the staircase .
"Don't worry about me, I'm all good" I said , she was still hurt and I didn't want to stress her .
"Okay" she said slowly looking at my eyes .
We could both see the pain we were both trying to hide .
I watched as she sat on the couch , before I turned and hastily walked upstairs.
It was time for me change everything, Time for me to make her happy .
But I didn't know how too , A part of me felt it was never going to Work .
I just wasn't myself .
I took a long refreshing bath , my stomach growling out of hunger . I wore a sweatpant and a camouflaged top over it before walking back downstairs.
I got there to see nasrin sulked up on the couch I left her ,I walked up to the couch to see her sleeping , her head was dolled up slightly bent , making me wonder if it actually wasn't disturbing her .
I roomed my eyes on her face , my eyes settling on her closed eyes . " she looked peaceful sleeping unlike when I saw her sleeping last night . I looked down to her small pointed nose before going down to her pouty lips .
She was indeed a goddess.
I raised my eyes back to her long silky hair . It was playing all around the side of her face , making me smile at how cute she looked .
Her hair was amazing that I wanted to run my hands through it ,it looks smooth and really silky , glistering in the low light .
I looked away , remembering the first day I saw her in her school uniform . She was actually the girl I saw as a goddess even without knowing she was my wife .
What is wrong with me ? .
I walked to the kitchen , trying to sway away bad memories. I decided to cook something .
I was about bringing out the sliced potatoes from the freezer , when I heard a soft , sleepy voice , sending chills down my spine .
The guilt finding it's way back to my soul.
" I thought you said you were okay , why do you have to cook when I'm here"
Nasrin.
A smile crept it's way to my face as I sat down on the couch , looking at the ring on my finger .
My mind playing back on Ahmad's bothered face , he was actually bothered , he spoke to me nicely even though I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes .
My stomach made an annoying growl , I was really hungry but the side of my head was aching badly which made me feel weak .
I closed my eyes , removing any thoughts from my head , sleep caressed me in just seconds .
I didn't know for how long I slept but I opened my eyes to the sound of something metallic making a sound in the kitchen . I stood up immediately, I wasn't weak anymore but the side of my head was still aching .
I made my way to the kitchen as gently as I could .
I saw Ahmad figure standing close to the freezer , I stood there for a minute watching him bring out a bag of peeled potatoes.
My hands made it way to my loosed untied hair , realizing i left it opened , I waved my hand around it before walking closer to where he stood .
"I thought you said you were okay , why do you have to cook when I'm here" I said , extending my right hand so I could collect the bag from him .
He looked at me before turning his eyes back to the freezer .
"You should go back to sleep , I will get the food ready" he replied while trying to unpack the potatoes in a bowl .
"NO, you should go and rest instead , I will do it" I said, walking closer to the bowl .
"I don't want to stress you either" he said after a long purse , by now I was already at the sink, washing the potatoes .
"Don't worry" I said gently , picking the frying pan .
"Alright then" I heard him say before Feeling his presence at my back , he collected the bowl from my hands catching me unaware , he picked the frying pan and turned on the burner , my mouth still hanging .
"What the"
"Hell" he completed, making me realize that I said that loud .
"Can you just sit quietly on the barstool" he continued, before turning oil into the frying pan .
" Okay"I said defeatedly
"But , can I make the sauce?" I asked , looking at his broad back that was backing me .
"NO, you can only get the ingredients for me"
He said , still backing me .
"Okay , I said slowly before standing up to start picking them .
I picked out the bell peppers, liver and the rest of the ingredients and placed them on the counter .
I decided to climb the counter top to get the a new set of chopping board since I wasn't comfortable slicing with the old one . I hoisted myself up and stood straight on the counter , turning my head towards Ahmad who was looking at me with concerned eyes , wondering what I was about to do .
Opening the cupboard , I reached for the set , I was about dragging the box out but I needed my other hand to grab it after dragging with this hand . The reasonable part of me kept saying this is a bad idea and I was going to fall down , I paid no heed to it and kept leaning .
"Careful" I heard Ahmad's voice yell in concern . I haven't realized that my feet has reached the end of the counter, I lost my balance . A loud shriek escaped my lips as I clenched my eyes shut , ready to meet the solid ground .
But I never felt it .
Instead I fell into muscular arms , I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck as tight as I could . I propped one lid open to see Ahmad's face which held an almost angry expression.
What are you thinking ? .
You could have injured yourself badly"
I told you not to do anything , I told you to sit" he said his amazing smell almost making me loose focus .
" I was here all long , why didn't you tell me to help you with what ever you wanted to get"
He continued scolding .
" I'm sorry" I calmly said , still captivated by his smell .
" But I'm not injured" I continued almost cheekily .
" Don't try to act smart with me , scary cat !" He replied , his hard face , almost melting to an amused one .
"I'm not a scary cat" I said , realizing I was still in his arms .
" Says someone who shouted , like she had a nightmare on a Halloween night" he said , releasing a husky chuckle , the sound vibrating within me stimulating an unfamiliar , but welcomed emotion .
He still didn't make any attempt of putting me down .
" Uhm can you put me down?"I said my cheeks still hot .
" you know a single thank you will suffice , I practically saved your life".
Uhmm isn't it a husbands duty " I replied almost regretting what I said .
"Okay" he pretended to drop me , making me scream, holding him tighter .
"I wasn't really going to drop you scary cat" he chuckled again .
kittens are too cute to be dropped carelessly, especially when they have a long silky hair clinging on a friends body to be exact" he said with a smirk , dropping me afterwards .
Shit! , my hand made it's way to my scattered hair , it was actually flying all over him when he carried me , a blush creeping it's way to my face .
" Excuse you! , we aren't friends" I said almost pouting .
" We are strangers , NO ! , rather flat mates" I continued before looking at him , realizing we just had a normal conversation.
I watched as his face washed back to a guilt expression, he caught my eyes looking at his , we stared at each other for a while before he averted his eyes back to what he was frying .
" Okay" he said calmly.
I moved closer to him picking the washed liver I dropped on the counter close to him .
"Can you just go back to the sitting room please" he said , bringing his hands forward to collect the bowl .
"Alright" I said defeatedly .
I looked at him one more time before walking out of the kitchen .
I heaved a sigh before sitting on the dining sit .
We actually had a normal conversation today ,it felt weird yeah , deep down I felt a lone of happiness.
My mind running back to the words of ummah.
He changed, he wasn't like this before, that evil woman tainted an innocent child, why are people so wicked I don't understand, of all the men you chose a child for crying out loud , such a cruel soul .
The aroma of the food placed in front of me stopped me from raining curses at someone who is six feet underground.
I looked at the plate Ahmad places in front of me , it was looking so amazing that I couldn't wait to taste it .I gave Ahmad a small smile before grabbing a fork.
"This looks delicious" I said making eye contact with him.
He nodded and returned the gesture before sitting opposite me .
I watched as he started eating his food , before stopping to look at me .
I guess he was wondering why I haven't taken a bite yet , I could see something in him waiting for me to compliment on the food .
I took my eyes away from his to my food before Stuffing the fuck with pieces of fries and the liver source he cooked .
I placed the fuck in my mouth gently , feeling Ahmad's reserved eyes on me . Within seconds , the food blended with my taste buds .
"Wow ! , this is so amazing" my subconscious mind stated .
I took another mouthful spoon , munching immediately, the sound of Ahmad chuckle making me realize that he was still here .
Oops !
I raised my eyes to his amused face before pretending to choke on the food .
" God!!, this taste's so bad !" I almost yelled fanning my mouth .
"The chili is too much" I said still fanning my mouth .
He looked at me before looking back at his food , I watched as he stood up and passed me a bottle of water that was placed in his front .
I collected the water gulping it with haste , almost chocking on it .
"Bruh , you suck at acting" my subconscious .
"I'm sorry" I heard Ahmad say calmly .
I looked back at his face , sulking back the laughter that was threatening to spill from my mouth .
But nah , his expression was too much .
I couldn't help it , I started laughing hard .
His expression changed from a sorry look to an annoyed one .
"This actually tastes way better than I expected" I said picking back my fork , earning an alleviated look from Ahmad .
"For real" he asked with a confused expression.
"Uhm" I nodded , picking another spoonful .
"I'm glad my flatmate isn't bad at cooking yummy foods" I continued, releasing a soft smile .
He looked at me with a neutral expression, rooming his eyes on on my face which started to make me feel really uncomfortable.
He looked away smirking , his next words practically sending goosebumps down my spine .
" Do Beautiful girls with liver source ,spread around their lips become friends with their flat mates ?.
Dip , dip !
Omggggg 🤩🤩, I love this new Ahmad and nasrin . They are so cute 😻❤️.
I'm really sorry for the late update . I hope you enjoyed it !!.
I think it's high time we give them a ship name 😻🤩.
Don't forget to vote, share and comment ❤️.
Walida_md🥀
Permanreina 🌻