life of the party shawn mendes
"take your shot, it might be scary. hearts are gonna break cause we dont have the time to be sorry."
i kicked my shoes off at the door starting to head for my room, but my mom quickly stopped me. "and where do you think youre going?"
i stopped in my tracks turning back to the kitchen. she was standing against the island with her hands on her hips.
"to my room," i told her.
"and where are you coming from soaking wet with only a tshirt on?" she continued to push.
"my friends house," i lied. "she has a pool."
"okay, well i want to meet this mystery friend of yours. so i know your safe," she said.
"cant you just trust me for one minute mom?" i started. "i do everything you ever ask of me! im still applying to colleges and trying to get ready for this new school because thats what you want me to do. i finally made one friend who i really trust and i know wouldnt hurt me so cant you just trust me? i know who he is-"
shit i meant to say she.
"he?" my mom cut me off.
"i meant she, not he. its that girl i was telling you i met at the grocery store."
"okay," she said wearily. "you know the rule about boys."
"yes, mom. i know," i started. "focus on school. ill only end up getting hurt anyways."
"exactly," she said. "you dont need to be getting wrapped up with some guy, you need to focus on school."
"i know, mom," i said as i started towards my room.
"clairo?" she called.
"yes?" i answered.
"i do trust you, you know," she started. "i wouldnt let you go out if i didnt."
"thank you, mom."
"just dont give me a reason not to trust you," she finished.
"i wont, mom."
i already was. i mean if she figured it out.
i was breaking the no boys rule.
but he was just a friend. right?
he was just showing me how to live. right?
——
i spent the next week texting ashton every second i had.
even just talking to him made me smile.
our conversations just flowed so easily and we never didnt have something to talk about. he loved listening to me ramble and i loved just hearing his voice.
soon our text conversations became phone calls. it helped me fall asleep, although he never wanted to hang up.
i usually ended up falling asleep while he was still on the phone. some mornings id wake up and the call would still be going, but i couldnt ever hear ashton on the other side, almost like he was muted?
im not sure, but it was comforting to know he was still there.
i woke up friday morning and he was still on the other end of the phone. it was almost 9am so i figured he was awake too, but i couldnt hear much on the other end.
once i began to stir and he heard me, i heard his voice come through the phone, "yellow?"
"yeah?" i replied still half asleep.
"did you wake up finally?"
"mhm," i told him. "how long have you been up?"
"only a couple hours, i was just waiting to hear your voice," he said.
i was glad he couldnt see me, cause i could feel the red rising in my cheeks.
"well, im awake now."
"and im glad to hear it," he said. "hey, lukes having another party tonight? would you want to come? i know we already checked a party of your list but the more the merrier, right?"
"i would love to ash. ill just have to check on how my mom will feel and what excuse to come up with this time," i tell him.
"why dont you just tell her youre with me? maybe if she met me she would be okay with it since shed see how protective i am over you," he explains.
"that would break rule number one," i tell him. "no boys allowed."
"just tell her were best friends. what she doesnt know cant hurt her," he says.
"yeah, i guess we are," although i wish we could be more. "maybe she wont care if were just friends."
i wish my moms stupid rule didnt exist. it would be so much easier.
"but ill ask her," i told him. "but for now your still the girl from the grocery store and were just staying in at your house."
"okay, yellow. you go with that," he chuckles.
god i love when he calls me that.
"ill text you what she says later," i tell him through a smile.
"okay, bye clairo."
"bye ashton."
i hung up the phone and start out of my room to talk to my mom.
shes sitting in the living room watching tv.
"morning mom," i say as i come into the living room.
"good morning sweetie," she says looking over the couch to see me.
"what are you doing this weekend?" i ask.
"oh, did i not tell you?" she asks surprised. i shake my head. "my project wants to go to a lab in one of the cities around here so im not gonna be here this weekend. i swore i told you already."
"no, i dont remember that," i say confused. "but its fine. i can handle myself."
"i know you can," she tells me. "i left some money on the counter over there for pizza or something if you need food while im gone. i leave soon."
i nod my head to thank her and then move into the kitchen to make breakfast.
"hey mom?" i ask as questions flow through my head.
"mhm?" i hear come from the couch.
"whats so bad about me being friends with a guy over a girl?" i say flat out. "i mean im probably safer being friends with a guy with how protective some of them get."
"i just want you to focus on school and boys can get distracting with all they want. no boy just wants to be friends with you, clairo," she tells me.
"but what if i can focus on school and still live a little?" i ask.
"clairo, i trust you to not make any stupid decisions. if you want to be friends with a guy because that makes you feel safer, go ahead, but only friends."
"okay," i nod, returning to the bagel i was buttering.
so maybe she wont care if she meets ashton?
she left about an hour later. we said our goodbyes as she rolled her suitcase out the door.
i waved my goodbye to her as she pulled out of the driveway, excited to text ashton.
clairo
my moms gone for the weekend so
i can go tonight without any excuses.
ash
good! ill pick you up at 8.
clairo
okay, ill be ready.
i spent all day just moping around the house waiting for 8 to roll around. i was excited so i think that made the hours drag on even more. plus i had no one to talk to since mom was gone so all i really did was text ashton.
but he has a life too so i had time between his responses to entertain myself. i sat on the couch watching criminal minds for most of the day until the clock struck 6, and i could finally justify going to get ready to myself.
when i reached my closet, i stood completely lost as to what to where. i know ashton says something "slightly whoreish" but if youve met me, youd know there is no kind of whore in my body.
i mean, i still dont know who was dancing to daddy issues with ashton but thats beside the point.
i dug through my closet, reaching the clothes in very back that i hadnt touched since i moved in.
i finally gave up as i looked around at all the clothes scattered across my floor. taking a deep breath, i resorted back to my basics, a band tee and shorts.
i pulled the high waisted shorts up over thighs and pulled the arctic mokeys merch over my head, tying it in a knot to crop it.
i didnt do much to my hair, just braiding two dutch braids down the top of my head, leaving the rest of my hair down to make a half-up, half-down.
i heard my phone buzz on my bedside table as i stood up, still braiding as i walked.
ash
im outside whenever youre ready.
clairo
okay, give me a minute
i tied off the second braid on my head as i headed to grab a jacket off my door. i took my phone off the charger and grabbed my keys before i headed towards the front door.
i put on my vans and headed out the door, locking it behind me.
i could barely turn the key as excitement rose in my stomach. why this man had so much power over me, i couldnt tell you. but he surely had it.
i pulled the key out of the lock as i turned towards him, his smile contagious from here.
as i got closer to his car, he said, "excited, yellow?"
"yes," i said as he opened my car door, "im excited."
i wanted to tell him that i was so excited purely because i was getting to spend time with him, but i knew i shouldnt.
no boys, remember?
"you ready to live?" he asked as he climbed into the car beside me.
"when am i not?" i asked with a smile.
"now thats what i like to hear," he smiled back.
our car ride was filled how it usually was. we both sang alone to the radio as we couldnt wipe the smiles off our faces. ashton would clap for me as if i was his favorite band on stage when id hit a good note. i just laughed at his antics.
it was crazy to me how such simple things like car rides made me feel more alive than i ever had.
the way the wind would blow through my hair as we played any song as loud as we could get it. our smiles never left, the car filled with nothing but laughter and happiness.
he had a way of doing that to me.